Dream of: 11 September 1987 "Happy To Be Free"

I was in a room in a large building where Mike Schwille was seated at a desk. He was in the process of paying some lawyers for the work which they had done in his court. I wasn't in a big hurry and waited until he finished with the others. As he was paying the last attorney, Frieda (a Dallas attorney), I sat down beside his desk. I noticed how disgustingly overweight Frieda was and what a sick smile she had. I disliked being in the same class as her, receiving money from Schwille.

After Frieda had left, Schwille filled out my papers for me and gave them to me. I felt friendly toward Schwille; I would like to have lunch with him. I asked him what he was going to be doing; he told me he had other plans and was unable to have lunch with me today. I said thank you to him, stood up and headed toward the door. On the way I noticed the room contained pews as if it were a church and that C.R. (another Dallas lawyer) was seated in one of them. He appeared to be passed out from alcohol.

I walked out into the hallway and there examined the paper which Schwille had given me. He had paid me $100. But suddenly I remembered I had had some other papers with me when I had entered; apparently I had left them inside on Schwille's desk. I opened the door again and glanced toward Schwille's desk; but my papers weren't there. I closed the door and began walking.

***

I encountered Spafford (another Dallas lawyer). We were in a hallway, but it appeared verdant here, as if  green trees were around. He appeared friendly and seemed interested in me. He asked me several questions about my life and finally we come to the subject of my ex-wife, Louise. I explained to him that Louise and I had been married two years, although we had only lived together six months. It surprised me a little that we had been married two years, because I had thought we had only been married one year.

I told him that at the moment Louise was studying law at a law school, apparently Southern Methodist University. I also said she was paying a lot for the studies, and mentioned the figure 80%. He wanted to know what the 80% meant, and we had a rather long discussion about that. I finally concluded that it represented 80% of a lawyer's salary. But I had to admit that that sounded very expensive indeed, and that I was probably mistaken.

***

I was walking through the hallways again and encountered Mary Biester (a Dallas attorney). We walked along together, and I realized she was nude from the waist up. But my attention was focused on her face, and I didn't see her breasts. However I had the feeling that although she herself was rather large (in fact she seemed to be as tall as me), her breasts were small.

Suddenly I reached out, grabbed her and turned her face toward me. I pressed her against a wall and began kissing her on the mouth. She opened her mouth and gave me a very pleasant kiss. I was surprised that the kiss was so good. I decided that there was no doubt, I wanted to have sex with her. I felt inflamed and her body felt so soft. I knew that there was a room upstairs with a bed in it and I said, "Lets go up and lie down in bed together."

I almost immediately had doubts about what I was doing. I was sure I wanted to lie in the bed with her, but it seemed to me that I shouldn't have sex with her. Although it seemed that what was happening was important to me, I was unsure what it meant. I had the feeling that if I had sex with her, I would lose something important in my life.

***

I was with Louise and we were talking about Biester. It seemed Louise would like to know my intentions with Biester. Apparently, although Louise didn't say so, she didn't want me to have a relationship with Biester. I slowly realized I wasn't going to have a relationship with Biester, but that didn't have anything to do with Louise. I didn't care what Louise thought. I simply realized having a relationship with Biester wouldn't be a good idea for me. I was a bit surprised I could have arrived at this conclusion, but it was clear to me.

Louise kept talking and I began to realize she was thinking she would like for us to get back together. Almost immediately I feel the old strong attraction for her. It appeared she still had power over me. The darkness suddenly became clear, however: I wasn't going to return to Louise. She and I had already terminated our relationship and I wasn't going to go back to her. The realization made me a little sad, but fundamentally I was happy I was free of her. I turned away and began walking away from her.

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