Dream of: 15 August 1987 "Learning Meditation"

concentrate on one thing

I was sitting in a wheelchair rolling along a sidewalk, going pretty fast. I headed across a street where the curb on the opposite corner was inclined so I was able to easily roll back up onto the sidewalk. With only about another block to go, I started picking up speed, going faster and faster. When I thought I noticed some females nearby, I went fast to try to impress them. I raced faster and faster, until finally - for special effects - I spun around as I moved and - half intentionally - I caused the wheelchair to wreck. I ended up lying on the ground beside my overturned wheelchair.

Three attractive girls (all around 16-17 years old) walked up and seemed a bit concerned about my condition. I raised myself from the sidewalk and finally stood up. I wasn't crippled in any way and I had merely been playing with the wheelchair, which I found to be quite a bit of fun to roll around in.

The girls were strangers to me and it appeared they might be going to walk away, but I quickly engaged them in conversation and they stayed. I soon realized two of them spoke French and one spoke English. I spoke some French with them, but mostly I spoke English with the English-speaking girl. She also seemed to be able to speak some French.

While talking to the girls, I realized I was sitting on the front steps of the Dallas Zen Center. Since the girls seemed intrigued about the Center, I told them a little about it and I invited them to come and participate in meditation some evening. They wanted to know more about what happened at meditation, and I told them I could quickly show them the basis of it in about five minutes. They were excited and interested.

I began telling them that Zen meditation involved sitting with legs crossed on a cushion. As I spoke, I took off my shoes and began folding my legs. I told them that sitting in what was called a full-lotus position with both feet propped on the opposite thigh wasn't necessary, although I commonly sat in full lotus myself. I explained that sitting in any comfortable position with the legs crossed was appropriate. As I placed myself in a full lotus position, I pointed out that although I was now sitting on the concrete steps here in front of the Zen Center, I would normally be sitting on a large round cushion.

A while later, I was inside the front room of the Dallas Zen Center, and it looked as if the same three girls were still with me. Other people were also present, and at least one boy about the same age as the girls was with them. Some regular members of the Zen Center also appeared to be present.

I was trying to explain a bit more fully what was involved in the practice of Zen. I mentioned that the word "Zen" could probably best be translated by the English word "concentration" which seemed to be a key element in the practice of Zen.

I decided to demonstrate more of the nature of Zen practice, but I was uncertain exactly what to do. I thought the place needed livened up a little and I considered maybe doing some handsprings, or maybe just lifting some weights, just something to get the juices flowing.

I walked over to a table and emptied my pockets onto the table so that everything would not spill from my pockets onto the floor if I did some kind of exercise. I had a lot of stuff in my pockets: a bunch of change, and quite a bit of folding money, quite a few crisp $20 bills, which I rather ostentatiously flashed around. I pulled out one, two, three different containers of dental floss. Well, at least everyone would know that I kept my teeth in good shape. There was also a ribbon cartridge for my printer.

I sat down with my legs crossed and once again I demonstrated meditation technique. One of the girls sitting on my left was trying to learn something about meditation, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that she appeared to want to have some physical contact with me, and I could feel some sexual excitement emanating from her. I wasn't really encouraging her sexual proclivities, but I wasn't dissuading her either. Basically I seemed rather neutral on the subject.

Gradually the girl had leaned over and appeared to be resting her head on my shoulder. I managed to maintain my equanimity, but I did notice that I appeared to be getting an erection. Then I realized that part of the reason was because the girl, with her hand, had slightly pressed my penis, which was inside my pants. I perceived the arousal, but I wasn't overwhelmed by it. At one point, however, I did put my arm around the girl and I lightly caressed her butt.

The boy was also sitting near me with his legs crossed. I began to notice that he appeared to be in some pain and I recognized that he was having an extremely difficult time maintaining his sitting posture. I quickly told him not to overstrain himself, and he relaxed his posture. He was actually standing behind a table and one of his legs was standing on the floor while the other leg was crossed and lying on the table, a rather peculiar position.

The new girls were excited about practicing Zen and they mentioned that they had some friends, apparently in a Christian church, whom they would like to bring over. It sounded all right to me if they wanted to invite someone else over, but I was just a little concerned about people from a Christian church coming in. There was such a strong contrast in my mind between the convoluted nature of the Christian religion and the simple emptiness of Zen, that I wasn't completely sure it would be appropriate for young Christians to come pouring in here.

At the same time I also realized I had the capacity to attract people into the practice of Zen. In that regard I realized there was some rather intimate connection between my sexual attraction and the power of attraction which I could use to lead people toward Zen. I was a bit concerned by the fact that I hadn't fully mastered this particular and critical aspect of my life. Partially for that reason, I was somewhat confused and uncertain whether I should be using my powers to bring new people into the practice of Zen, especially a bunch of inexperienced Christians.

I looked around the room and noticed Tim Storer (a member of the Dallas Zen Center) sitting quietly on a couch observing the entire scene. He seemed fairly tranquil, and I felt as if I could trust his opinion in this matter. I looked at him, and it seemed that without even speaking I was able to direct my question to him concerning whether I should bring in more of these Christian-oriented people. He gave a slight, but definite, affirmative nod and I perceived that he seemed somewhat excited at the prospect. I immediately decided to follow his signal and to encourage the new people to come if they wanted.

When I was later in my room, probably alone, I talked on the phone to the girl who had sat next to me earlier and who had leaned her head on my shoulder. She was talking about how she wanted to come to the Zen Center and take part in the practice of Zen. I perceived that she was sincere in what she was saying, but that she was still using the Zen practice as a subterfuge for her main goal, which was to have sex with me. I was however not going to allow this situation to exist without confronting it head on. I was going to tell her exactly what I thought her intentions were, and I debated whether I should use the word "screw" or "fuck" or something a bit softer in describing what it was that I perceived that she wanted to do with me.

Dream Commentary of February 20, 2015

In my mind, the focus of a church is God and the focus of meditation is Nothing. What then is the ultimate focus of the Dream Journal?

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