Dream of: 26 May 1987 (2) "Buying Beer"

As I was sitting in the living room of a house, my sister walked in from outside, and I noticed a small, light brown animal, followed by a Siamese cat, slipped in through the door. I couldn't readily tell what the animal was, and I thought it might be a ground squirrel, although it looked more like hamster. It was evident the cat was trying to catch the animal and it appeared the cat might even have already injured the animal.

I lost sight of the animal for a moment and I asked my sister if she had seen it, but she had been entirely unaware of it. I told her the animal was about the size of a rodent, although it clearly hadn't been a rodent. Finally I spotted it again just as it began going up some stairs in the room. I picked up the Siamese cat, which hadn't noticed the animal on the stairs, and I held the cat up so it could see the animal. When the cat saw the animal, the cat began violently trying to get out of my hands so it could attack the animal, but I held onto the cat, and pressed it down on the floor. The cat wrapped its legs around my arm and clawed at me. It began trying to bite me and I was somewhat afraid it was actually going to injure me.

***

I fixed myself a hamburger and a plate full of French fries. I then put some ketchup on the French fries and some ketchup and mustard on the hamburger. When I put the condiments on the hamburger, it seemed more as if I were putting them on a tooth brush like tooth paste. I turned away from the food for a few moments and when I looked back, I saw my brother Chris had taken most of my French fries and put them in a plate for himself. I immediately became upset, and I began complaining to my father (also in the room) about what had happened. I noticed my father had accidentally knocked some of my French fries unto the floor and I became more upset than ever. I had put a lot of time into making the French fries and it had simply been wasted.

I jumped up and paced about frantically. For some reason the whole matter had made me very tense. I decided I wasn't going to eat any of the French fries or the hamburger.

***

I was riding along in a car and began thinking about Rudolf Land (a German acquaintance). I hadn't seen him in many years and I thought I would like to contact him. I felt it was my fault  we had lost contact in the first place and I regretted it. I remembered how when he had lived in Columbus, Ohio, I had probably been his closest friend for a while and therefore I had once played an important role in his life. It was a shame to have completely lost sight of one another. I knew he lived in Cologne, West Germany and I thought I could probably find his name in the telephone directory, or I could call information in Germany. I thought that there were probably five or six people by his name in Cologne, and that I might simply have to call them one by one until I reached the right one.

***

I was in a grocery store looking for a few groceries. Since I had decided not to eat my hamburger which I had made earlier, I need to buy some food. Actually the idea of the hamburger rather repulsed me and I was uncertain why I had made it in the first place.

I only had a few items when I went to the counter. The blonde-haired woman (probably in her late 30s) at the cash register was extremely friendly and she began telling me of some bargains in the store. She put something else in my cart for me. She told me about a special on grapefruit and fetched a bag of about 10 grapefruits for me. I told her that grapefruits were really good and that I liked them if they were the right kind.

The woman appeared to be a German who had lived in the United States for a long time and she spoke practically perfect English. I thought I would like to get to know her. Since she was being so nice helping me with my shopping, I joked with her that the next time I would just send a shopping list and she could take care of getting everything for me.

She began ringing up my things. My father had also asked me to get him some beer and I had put two twelve packs of beer as well as a pint of Mogan David wine into the cart for him. After everything had been rung up, I paid. The woman stepped away from the counter for a moment and I suddenly remembered my father had asked me to get something else for him. He wanted some kind of wheat crackers. I looked up and down some aisles until I spotted some red boxes of wheat crackers. They seemed rather small, but I picked up one and headed back to the register with it.

I knew I was going to have to pay a second time, but the woman didn't seem to mind. She pointed to a small sign near the register and mentioned that I could have probably gotten the beer cheaper if I had taken advantage of a special the store was running. In the special a person could pay $5.97 and have as many cans of beer as he could stuff into a small suit case. That seemed like quite a bargain, because I had paid almost $10 for the two twelve packs, and I knew I could get at least that much into a small suitcase. Fortunately I even had a small suitcase with me.

I asked the woman if I could return the beer I had paid for and instead buy the beer under the special. She seemed somewhat reluctant at first, but she finally agreed to let me do it. I began unloading the two twelve packs and the pint of wine onto the floor. One twelve pack was Budweiser and the other was some other kind of beer. The sight of the twelve packs made me think about how good beer tasted. I thought I could probably just drink a twelve pack of cold beer myself. Maybe Salvador Ibarra and I could get together and drink some. I thought it would be enjoyable drinking beer with him.

But I immediately began thinking I had definitely stopped drinking beer. Indeed I seemed to have had some kind of very important experience regarding my not drinking alcohol and I knew it could be devastating if I were to drink alcohol again. I recalled recent conversations I had had with Kim regarding alcohol and I thought about how difficult it would be to tell her I had been drinking alcohol. Clearly the consequences of drinking alcohol far outweighed any transitory pleasure I might derive from drinking it.

As I unloaded the alcohol, I explained to the woman that all the alcohol was for my father and not for me. I didn't want her to think I was drinking all that alcohol. She seemed a bit glad to know I wasn't the one drinking it. She then said something I didn't fully understand about how when the Indians had first been found, they had been given alcohol so they couldn't think as well.

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