Dream of: 26 May 1987 "Showing Off"

While sitting in the living room of my mother's comfortable House on 29th Street, I heard someone at the front door. I answered the door and found Ellen standing there. She stepped in and we began talking. Although she was a bit overweight, I found her to be very attractive. Her black hair was becoming and she seemed to have the prettiest lips. I thought about how enjoyable kissing them would be and I began contemplating having a sexual relationship with her. I knew that she was married to Jack and that I shouldn't be having those kind of thoughts, but I couldn't seem to establish complete control of my thoughts. And I thought Ellen was thinking the same thing.

Finally, as we were standing right in front of each other, I took her hand and placed it inside my pants on my penis. The erotic sensation was extremely pleasurable. Yet at the same time it began to occur to me that I was taking serious risks. I realized that I had actually given up sex and that having an orgasm would be a major disaster. Something very important dealing with my artistic talents would be irretrievably lost if I were to have an orgasm.

Plus, it also occurred to me that there was always the possibility that Ellen might have AIDS. It even seemed as if she and I had discussed the possibility recently and as if Ellen had expressed some concern that she might have AIDS. Certainly I didn't want to take that kind of risk.

I vaguely realized I was dreaming, however, and I thought the consequences wouldn't be that grave if I had an orgasm because I was having a dream. Yet I wasn't entirely sure I was dreaming. So the doubt was causing me discomfort.

At the moment, I was obviously becoming so aroused by Ellen's hand on my penis, that if I didn't stop immediately, I was sure to have an orgasm. With an air of finality I removed her hand from my pants and I felt relieved.

Ellen and I worked our way into the bedroom and it seemed as if Jack might also be in there. I still had an erection, but somehow my penis had been separated from my body, and either Ellen or I was holding it straight up in the air examining it. Meanwhile Ellen took off some of her clothes so she was nude from the waist down. The next thing I knew, she had somehow attached my penis between her legs, so my erect penis was on her body as if it had always been there. She walked back and forth in the room almost as if she were showing off.

Finally I pointed out to her two large windows in the room which didn't have the curtains pulled; and since it was night outside and we had the lights on in the room, people were probably watching her. She appeared to realize she needed to be a bit more discrete in what she was doing.

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