Dream of: 06 January 1987 "Lost Feeling"

I had gone to visit Walls at a house where he was living in Portsmouth. Walls and Gower (another Portsmouth acquaintance) were both in the house, and after a short while Walls told me that he and Gower were going to go somewhere and would return soon. They left and I tried to make myself comfortable. It was about 10 p.m. and I decided to watch a little television. The time passed and passed and still they didn't return, but I wasn't particularly bothered by the fact.

Finally I remembered a six-pack of beer was in the refrigerator and I went in to get me a beer. I walked back into where the television was and I continued watching it as I drank the beer. After a while I went in and got another beer.

Finally around 2 a.m. I heard Walls and Gower returning. I hadn't really been angry that Walls had left me there all that time but it suddenly struck me that I should at least act offended. Walls walked in and it was obvious he had been drinking alcohol heavily, which was what I had expected anyway. I bitterly complained to him about having been left alone all evening. He wasn't in a state to be able to pay much attention to me. He took off all his clothes and walked into the toilet apparently to take a shower. I stood in the door to the toilet holding a bottle of beer. Finally in exasperation with him, when his back was turned to me I threw some of the beer on his back, which seemed somewhat fat and out of shape. He turned and gave me a surprised look. I walked away.

A short while later I prepared to leave and I walked outside. Walls, who had dressed, also came out. He seemed a bit more apologetic and he seemed to somewhat be blaming his behavior and forgetting me at the house on his having become intoxicated. I suggested he might start going to some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

It was light outside and Walls began showing me some type of vehicle he had built. It was something like a large go-cart. It had four wheels and two seats, one seat behind the other. It had no sides or roof and I didn't see the motor. I sat down on the front seat, Walls sat down on the rear one and we began moving.

We pulled away from Walls's house and I noticed an unusual tower which had been built in Walls's back yard. It was made of what appeared to be pillars from porches and was probably 15 meters tall. It was painted white, was symmetrical and was quite beautiful.

My attention was soon drawn back to the vehicle as we raced off and I suddenly realized I didn't know how to steer it. I began shouting at Walls for instructions, but if he said anything I couldn't hear him. We were beginning to go quite fast. I realized another fellow besides Walls was also sitting behind me. Finally I grabbed a stick that looked a bit like a gear shift, only longer, which was between my legs. I realized by moving the stick I could steer the vehicle and I barely managed to steer around some curves.

Finally we came to a hill and began racing down it. I screamed to Walls again to tell me how to put on the brakes, but again he didn't answer. I stuck my feet out onto the pavement and tried to slow us down, but we were going much too fast for that. I grabbed the stick and pulled it toward me; the vehicle slowed down some and I realized that was the brake. I pulled as hard as I could and by the time we reached the bottom of the hill we were able to stop.

We were right next to what appeared to be the Stag Bar. Some fellow had one of his feet stuck out a window of the bar and it looked like honey had been smeared all over the foot. I saw many bees flying around his foot and a number had even landed on his foot.

We continued on and the whole area seemed to have a carnival atmosphere. Many people, especially children, were in the street. Our vehicle was just barely moving, but I did nudge a little girl with it. She wasn't harmed and we continued on.

The crowd grew denser and finally we couldn't move. I realized many of the people around us were sitting in chairs and then I noticed Walls, the other fellow and I were also sitting in chairs in a large room. Looking around it suddenly occurred to me we were at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. It seemed the people were in the process of giving some kind of testimonials about their experiences drinking alcohol.

A woman behind me to my left gave her name and was silent. I reflected that she hadn't said anything about her being an alcoholic. Other people spoke and I began to become quite emotional as I listened. I realized tears were streaming from my eyes and I wiped them off with my shirt sleeve. More tears appeared. A woman near the front gave her name, but she likewise didn't mention she was an alcoholic.

I reflected I had myself not reached the conclusion I was an alcoholic. Yet I felt someday I might go to one of these meetings, stand up and say I was an alcoholic. I would say I hadn't drunk anything alcoholic for six months or however long it had been, even though I didn't attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Even at the present moment it had been about five months or so since I had had anything alcoholic to drink and I felt good about that.

It suddenly occurred to me that that wasn't correct. That very evening I had drunk some beer. Incredible! How could I have done such a stupid thing! I felt terrible. It had been such a good feeling thinking I hadn't drunk anything alcoholic for so long and now I had completely lost that feeling. I was basically in the same boat as Walls.

I looked at Walls and I was surprised to see he was crying also. Someone handed him a napkin. I certainly hadn't expected him to cry. The other fellow who had come in with us seemed mesmerized by all that was taking place and simply listened in rapt attention.

Finally a woman directed everyone's attention to some people standing near the door. They were apparently just spectators and she asked them to leave. One was named Keith. They all turned and walked out.

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