Dream of: 27 October 1986 (2) "Fear Of AIDS"

As I drove my silver 1984 Volkswagen Rabbit along a country road, I looked to my right and noticed a stream of water flowing in the same direction I was traveling. The stream was quite a beautiful sight and appeared to be white water rapids; at least the water appeared white as it rapidly rolled over the large rocks in the stream's bed. I became quite mesmerized by the sight. Perhaps a dam back upstream was creating all the turmoil in the water. Did people ever raft down the stream? I continued driving for quite a ways and suddenly realized I hadn't been looking at all where I was going. If a car had been coming in my direction I could have easily crashed into it.

The water had gradually calmed down and the stream had narrowed into a small quiet channel. The road I was traveling had also narrowed and had only room enough for one car. The whole area was blanketed with snow. Even the stream appeared to be covered with ice and snow; I could no longer see the water.

I approached an intersection and suddenly decided to turn around. I lurched my car around to the right and pushed on my brakes; the ice-covered road caused my car to slide toward a telephone pole. I stuck my left hand out the window and grabbed the pole as we hit it. I had cushioned the impact, but the left rear fender still slightly hit the pole. I didn't think there had been any damage; I finished turning around and began traveling back up the road I had just come down.

As I moved along, I realized I was no longer in a car. Instead I was in some kind of contraption on two skids; I was sitting in a seat exposed to the elements. I was moving quite fast down the road and was still able to guide the vehicle, although I wasn't quite sure how to speed up and slow down.

As I traveled along I began thinking about AIDS: I was worried that I had it. I had noticed a small red mark on the knuckle of the ring finger of my right hand. It had healed over and left a small white scar. I couldn't explain where the mark had come from; I thought it had healed in an unusual way. Plus I thought I had detected another such mark beginning above the small finger of the same hand.

I had heard that the chances of catching AIDS were one in six if one were to have sex with a stranger. Those seemed to me to be very high odds. I began imagining what it must be like to discover having AIDS and had a vision of the millions of people who must have it. People who didn't have it would probably not be nearly as concerned with the subject as those who had it. I remembered having once spoken with Anderson about it and both of us having said that we could possibly have it. I knew Anderson was having an affair with a married woman and thought of the risk he was taking. I also thought of Ramey and wondered what he would do if he had it.

There were only two sources from which I could have contracted AIDS Louise and Mireya (a Dallas  acquaintance). Those were the only two people with whom I had had sexual contact in several years. I began to scrutinize the possibilities.

I had only had sex with Mireya once. I knew she had had sex with other men before me, although I didn't know who or when. When I had had sex with her, I had been concerned even then of the possibilities. I had quickly urinated and washed my penis afterwards. Nevertheless, a definite possibility still existed. I wondered if Mireya's being Colombian would make any difference.

I had had sex with Louise only two or three times after we had finally separated. I knew she had begun seeing other men and had had sex with at least two. I remembered distinctly having hesitated to have sex with her for fear she might have something; nevertheless I had. So there was also a possibility I had contracted something from her.

I concluded that the probability was slim that I had AIDS; but the possibility seemed too important to just ignore anymore. I decided I needed to have a blood test as soon as possible. In fact I needed to have one right now. I looked at my watch; it was already 3:30. It was doubtful I could make it to the health clinic before it closed. I would have to wait until the following day.

I began to experience some problem with my vehicle, which seemed wind-powered to some extent. Somehow the front part had risen into the air and I couldn't seem to lower it. Cars were now coming toward me and I was having difficulty steering past them. Finally I was able to slow down to a stop. I got out and saw something under one of the skids in the rear which was causing the skid to rise into the air. I fixed it. A car had stopped behind me and was waiting for me to start again. I began pushing my vehicle and running along beside it. Finally it picked up some speed and I jumped back in. Once again I steered down the road.

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