Dream of: 25 August 1986 "Nous Nous Aimons"

Bonnie and I had been living together for a while in French Canada; finally, we separated and I went to a different part of Canada. Bonnie stayed in French Canada, met Vernon, and married him. I did not communicate with Bonnie for quite a while after that, but finally one day I returned to French Canada and encountered her on the street.

I did not have much to say to her at first. I had been thinking about it and I knew Bonnie would have never gone to French Canada if it had not been for me. It was strange how things had turned out—how she had met Vernon and remained in French Canada. I knew she was still struggling with French, and she had not yet learned it well. I told her I had been studying French grammar and I wanted to tell her about a few things I had recently learned.

I had a pocketful of change and decided to use some of the coins to illustrate some grammatical principles to her. I thought about giving some of the money to Bonnie, but then I told her I would give her $5 worth of quarters, dimes, and nickels if she would give me a $5 bill. She agreed.

I put some of the coins on a table. I told Bonnie I was going to teach her something about French grammar and that each coin was going to represent a word. I told her I was going to begin with reflexive verbs (which I had been recently studying). We sat down and she pulled up close to me.

I put a couple of quarters on the table and said, "Nous nous aimons."

I intended to point out to her that certain verbs, although they were not actually reflexive, could be used reflexively. The verb "aimer" was not actually a reflexive verb. I was trying to show her that in certain situations, however, the subjects and objects of the verb mutually affected each other. I gave her two further examples and said, "Nous nous estimons. Nous nous haisons."

I thought the construction was particularly interesting because the pattern did not exist in English. I asked Bonnie if she could think of an actual reflexive verb, since I knew the ones I had used in the examples were not really reflexive verbs. She just looked at me incredulously as if to ask what it all signified and why I was bothering to go through it all with her anyway.

I was going to explain some more grammar to her, but we had gradually moved closer and closer to each other until, thinking she wanted me to, I began running my teeth up and down the front of her neck, from her chin to the bottom of her throat. I repeated the action several times. She pushed me away more than once, but still held on to me as if she did not really want me to back away from her. Finally, I pulled her close to me, put my hand between her legs, and pulled it up under her dress. She was wearing panty hose and I began caressing her between her legs.

I knew she had been having sex with Vernon and that I should not be doing this. I persisted nevertheless.