Dream of: 12 August 1986 "Lost Purity"

I was in a rather dark room in a house (I didn't know exactly where) and through a window I could see into another room on a lower level. When I thought I heard the voice of Haim Habib (Haim and I had attended law school together from 1981-1983) in the other room, I put my head through the window and said, "Is Haim in there?"

I could see some people sitting on the floor in the room and heard Haim answer saying he was in the room. I wanted to stick my hand through the window and shake Haim's hand. When he brought his face up to the window so I could see him, I told him to come over to my room and he did.

A woman (about 30 years old) was with him. She had very long, dark brown hair, was slender and rather attractive. Haim looked as if he were about 25 and his face bore an extraordinary resemblance to Keith Gilbert. He sat down. He seemed very upset and I had the definite feeling, although I was unsure, that he had been smoking a lot of marijuana. It seemed to me Haim had become quite dissolute and was having some serious problems.

We didn't touch in any way. After we began talking I thought he might not want the people in the next room to hear us and I moved closer to him. I wanted to know what he had been doing since law school. I knew he had gone to California to study international law and wondered if he had borrowed a lot of money to go to school and then not repaid it.

Haim seemed very reticent. Finally he revealed that his wife, whose name was Barbara, had died. That upset me. The woman with him lay down on a couch in the room, and I had the feeling Haim and she were now together.

I was sitting on the floor and in front of me was a keyboard with a screen attached to it. I began asking Haim questions and as he answered I quickly typed some of the responses. The keys clicked just like the keys on my IBM personal computer keyboard and I wondered if they noticed how proficient I had become at using the keyboard. I told him to just begin back at the beginning and asked him where he had gone when he had left Baylor Law School. I asked him who he had left Baylor with and he answered, "Labeta."

I couldn't remember exactly who Labeta was, but thought she might have been a woman I had seen Haim with before. I might have seen her wearing a dark green tee shirt once. It seemed as if she had been tall, had had light brown hair and large sagging breasts. I asked, "Well, was she the girl with the large saggy breasts?"

I then asked, "Well, did you move in with Labeta?"

Haim got on his hands and knees right in front of me and brought his face to within a centimeter of my face. He looked right into my eyes and answered, "Yes."

His answer was if to say, "Now you know what a terrible person I was."

I hadn't expected that answer and I was surprised to hear it. Haim seemed to be filled with remorse and grief which was eating him up.

I told him to give me the significant events. He said he masturbated right after that. I indeed thought that was a significant event. I was going to tell him I had continued masturbating over the years also. It had been the one thing I had never been able to completely overcome. That really bothered me. That was the one thing that made me the kind of person Haim was, which I didn't want to be.

Still, I felt rather pure sitting there in front of him. I was unsure, but thought I might be able to help him in some way. I had a certain purity about me which Haim had obviously completely lost.

He didn't seem to want to talk except in response to my questions. I wanted to reach the point when his wife, Barbara, had died. The girl on the couch rather enigmatically said, "Yea, so then she could come in here and read him her dreams."

The interview with Haim was a real revelation to me. I remembered having had several dreams in which Haim had not passed the legal bar exam. I realized now he actually had passed the exam and had become a lawyer. But my dreams had been accurate because they had been telling me that something had happened to Haim and that his life had terribly deteriorated since I had last seen him. It was especially surprising to me because I remembered Haim had been industrious during law school. But there must have been a lot I had not known about him even though he had been industrious on the surface.

I began to realize just how accurately my dreams told me about what people were really like.

I was getting ready to ask Haim, "What was the age difference between you and Labeta?"

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