Dream of: 08 March 1986 "God Appeared To Me"
I had been dating a tall slender black-haired woman who was intimidatingly attractive. Although the woman reminded me of someone whom I couldn't precisely identify, she also somewhat resembled my high-school sweetheart, Birdie. However this woman was even prettier than Birdie.
Although I was sexually attracted to the woman, up till now our relationship had been strictly platonic, and I was unsure whether I should make any sexual advances. It seemed she was almost too beautiful for me to think about having sex with her. Besides, I had vague feelings I had given up sex and should therefore resist such yearnings.
However, despite my abnegation of sex, the woman and I soon found ourselves naked in bed together. She was quite demanding, causing me to feel unsure of myself. Vaguely remembering I had masturbated twice the previous day, I was concerned I had expended my sexual energy. Perhaps I wouldn't be able to achieve an erection. Would she then think I was impotent? It was difficult for me to feel particularly excited at first; however her warm body next to mine gradually began to arouse me. My concern began to fade as our bodies pressed against each other and I felt my penis grow erect. Slipping my fingers between her legs and into her vagina, perceiving that she was burning with desire, I rolled on top of her and prepared to insert my penis into her.
Suddenly, however, I realized I couldn't go through with the act. Like a crystal clear revelation, it dawned on me exactly why I hadn't been engaging in sex lately: I was uncertain the woman didn't have a venereal disease.
I recalled the one time I had had sex with anyone since Louise and I had separated a half year earlier, I had felt uncomfortable. I simply couldn't enjoy myself because of concern about contracting a venereal disease. My last sexual encounter had therefore been unenjoyable. It was clear now that – in light of my apprehension – having sex with this woman would likewise be unpleasant.
Since I did have feelings, other than sexual ones, for the woman, I didn't want to offend her by not continuing with our endeavor. However, I realized my opinion of her had considerably declined due to her wanton willingness to copulate with me.
As I lay atop of her, looking into her face, I searched for words to explain the predicament. Finally I blurted out that I couldn't proceed because I was unsure she didn't have a disease. When I asked her if she were sure, she admitted that although she certainly didn't think she had any disease, she wasn't 100 percent positive. I maintained that if we truly wanted to have sex, we should both visit a clinic and be tested.
I realized I wasn't in the proper position to now be explaining all this to her. She was plainly, and probably rightfully, vexed with me.
We rose, clothed and left.
Afterwards I was uncertain of my feelings about the woman. I did realize she no longer seemed as beautiful to me as before.
We were supposed to have another date one day. As I sat in my car, preparing to go and pick her up, I decided to confer with God on the matter, to ask God about my feelings for the woman. God deigned to appear to me, standing outside the car. I wasn't surprised to see that God looked exactly like me. I spoke to God, saying I realized the woman wasn't for me. I explained that although I had strong feelings for the woman, I felt as if the feelings were misplaced. God agreed with me. I didn't know if I wanted to completely break off my relationship with the woman. I thought ending the relationship would certainly be painful for both the woman and me. However, I had the feeling God wanted me to terminate the relationship.
If I were going to end the relationship, when should I break it off? Since I had already invited her out on another date, and was preparing to pick her up, I thought I should obviously still take her on the date. God felt the same way. But when should I tell the woman of my intention to break up with her - before or after the date? I knew I had paid either $20 or $40 for the tickets which we would be using tonight. If I told the woman I wanted to break up with her before we went out, would she want to pay her own way? God said, "She would certainly be a hick if she did."
I drove off, intending to pick up the woman. As I steered down a city street, I spotted her standing on the curb. Unable to pull up to the exact point where she was standing, I motioned to her to walk down the street a ways. I had to drive quite a distance before I was able to pull over to the curb. She walked along the sidewalk following me, until I was able to stop for her.
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