Dream of: 27 February 1986 "Remembering Details"
I was in a house which reminded me of the House in West Portsmouth (a cottage owned by my father where I lived in 1972). The owner of the house, who reminded me of my old buddy, Walls, was also there.
I had a plastic baggie which contained some pink pills which I thought were Quaaludes. I had taken one pill which had caused an unpleasant feeling and had produced an almost zombie-like state in me. I regretted having taken the substance, but it was too late.
The front door of the house was open and I heard someone outside call out, "Steve Collier."
When I turned to the fellow with me and asked him if he knew what was happening, he seemed worried. I picked up the baggie, which had been lying on a chair, and wondered what I should do with it. The other fellow said some people were outside who wanted to see me and one of them was Mike Dials.
I remembered Mike Dials as a boy whom I had known in about the seventh grade of school. I thought he was after me for some reason. I knew the other fellow had a gun and I told him to get it because I wanted to protect myself with it. But he couldn't seem to find it.
I ran into the toilet, dumped the Quaaludes into the commode and flushed the commode. When I thought I heard people starting to come into the front room, I was afraid they would come to the toilet to get me. I ran back to the front room where I found some people starting to come through the front door. I ran to the door, tried to shut it and hold the people out who were already half-way in.
Ramey (my old friend from my late teens) was one of the people. He looked very young and he didn't seem threatening, but he frightened me nevertheless.
Finally a number of people managed to squeeze past me into the room. My fears began to subside and I sat down. Looking around I realized many people were actually in the room. Different colored chairs were lined up and the place reminded me of a bus station.
One person who had entered was a pretty blonde girl (about 20 years old) who attracted me. After she sat down, I realized she was my sister.
A handsome young man with blond hair (also about 20 years old stood up) walked over to my sister and sat next to her. They both could have been models. I thought he was the kind of person I wished my sister would find.
I wondered what kind of man would be nice for my mother and I began trying to visualize such a person. I imagined a dark-haired handsome man sitting in the room.
I suddenly realized I was dreaming and I began to wonder if there were a woman for me in the world. I realized I was celibate and if I were to meet a woman whom I could love, she likewise would have to be celibate. Suddenly I had an image of the woman's face. She had dark hair, a very straight nose and was probably in her early 30s – my age.
I realized she was also celibate. She had a masculine quality about her which helped diminish any sexual attraction I might have had toward her. She aroused my curiosity. I was mystified about the nature of the relationship I could have since I realized it wouldn't be a sexual one.
I wondered – since I knew I was dreaming – whether the woman whom I had imagined really existed or whether she was just a fabrication of my mind. When I abruptly heard the woman speak, I realized that she actually did exist and that she was communicating with me by telepathy in my dream. She seemed to be trying to lead me somewhere.
I stood up and she said, "You need to go back."
I was unsure what she meant, but I walked outside and strolled down the street and saw snow on the ground.
I knew I was dreaming. My goal was to write a book of my dreams and I was presently working upon a particular story which I was trying to bring to life in my dreams. One of my goals in dreaming was to remember as much detail as possible in the dreams. But the woman spoke to me again and said, "You cannot remember every detail in your dreams. Just keep going."
I continued walking until I finally came to a building with some stairs leading upwards which I realized was a hotel. Since I thought I was dreaming, I began to wonder whether I was having a valid dream or whether I was really awake. I heard the voice of the woman again telling me to go on, that what I was doing was just fine. She said I was indeed still dreaming.
Suddenly I realized where she was taking me: back to my sleeping body. As we walked up the stairs I remembered I was actually staying in a hotel in West Berlin, Germany. We walked up the stairs together and into my hotel room where I knew my body was lying on the bed.
The woman had something else she wanted me to do: look into a mirror. I remembered the day before I had read an episode in Carlos Castenada's book The Fire From Within dealing with Castenada's looking into a mirror and I wondered whether I would have a mystical experience similar to his if I were to look into a mirror.
What would it be like if I were actually in my body and would awaken while lying on the bed? I thought perhaps I could actually awaken, open my sleeping eyes and see a mirror in front of me. What would it be like to see my own face staring back at me? It would certainly be frightening; I didn't want to do it.
Instead I remembered a mirror was on the wall in the room and I thought I simply needed to walk over and look into it, but I couldn't seem to find the strength to move. Then I heard the woman speak to me again. She said, "You masturbated yesterday and now you do not have the strength."
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