Dream of: 29 October 1985 "I Am The Devil"
I was showing Louise some pictures I had taken and I handed her a couple. I pulled out one picture of about five by five centimeters which showed a woman named Petty (a former law student) lying on a bed wearing only a pair of beige panties. Her shapely breasts were clearly visible.
When I handed the picture to Louise and told her I had taken the picture, Louise seemed surprised I had been able to take the picture of Petty.
I thought back to when I had taken the picture and visualized myself as having worn a long white robe at the time. I had acted in an almost saintly way and I hadn't tried to do anything more than take the picture. I half regretted I hadn't attempted to have some relationship with Petty, but I thought that I had earned Petty's respect by not trying anything with her and that she had trusted me.
Louise and I began walking down a street; I was headed toward my office. When I finally reached the building where my office was located, I found a rather heavy-set woman of (about 25 years old) sitting and crying in front of the building. I walked up to her and realized the woman was the wife of Paniagua (a legal client from Central America). Someone had told me earlier that Bernardo had been put in jail. The woman asked me if I had heard and I told her I had.
I put my arm around the woman her and held her close to me. As she continued crying, I noticed her hips rubbing against me. I didn't mind, but I didn't really want to have anything to do with her. I told her to go ahead into my office and that I would be in in a minute.
Since my office was in the basement, the woman walked down some stairs to reach it. I stood outside for a moment and had a vision of a small girl being in my office. I then walked into the office and there found the girl whom I had just imagined sitting in front of my desk.
When I looked at the girl I had the impression I was watching a movie and I understood the girl was being tormented by the devil.
On the desk was a small white vase which contained some hard red candy wrapped in cellophane. The girl picked up the vase, looked at it, and began chanting words which were supposed to make the devil go away. I almost expected something to happen -- such as the candy exploding.
As I watched the scene, it seemed almost as if I weren't really there and as if I were watching a movie. I vaguely thought I was dreaming, but I didn't try to manipulate the dream in any way. I thought, "Well, I'll just let this proceed along."
I walked behind the desk and sat down, unsure the girl even knew I was there. I watched and listened to her as she looked around the room as if waiting for something to appear. I kept expecting something to happen to the vase she was holding such as what might happen in a modern horror movie with dramatic special effects.
As I sat there, I began feeling changes come over me. I began thinking maybe the special effects were going to take place with me instead. I felt my body changing. I was quite calm. I felt the change occurring but I felt no real sensation and no pain.
I suddenly realized the little girl was no longer there. But I still sensed her presence; I said to her, "Darling, I am the devil."
I felt no remorse that such a strong change had come over me. I simply felt it was a part of me.
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