Dream of: 27 April 1985 "Neil Young Concert"
I was sitting in the hallway of what appeared to be a school. My old high school classmate, Sally, was sitting on my right and another girl was sitting on my left. Sally, whom I hadn't seen in years, wanted to know how I was doing. We talked and she asked me if I was still recording my dreams. I held up my hand with a space of about two centimeters between my thumb and index finger and told her I had written a book about that thick of processed dreams. Then I held my thumb and forefinger about three centimeters apart and told her I had a second book of dreams I hadn't yet put onto the word processor about the same thickness. In addition, I told her I had about the same amount of dreams on cassettes which I hadn't even transcribed.
As we talked I recalled one time when I had been in probably the tenth grade in high school when I had gone to Sally's house. I asked Sally if she remembered that episode. She could barely remember. I told her that I thought I had been drinkingalcohol that evening and that later I had been ashamed for having gone to her house after drinking alcohol. I knew I had made a bad impression on her. Sally asked me if the incident still bothered me and she added that she had almost completely forgotten the visit which no longer bothered her. I figured I had made such a bad impression on her that she had never wanted to have anything to do with me.
I remembered I had told Sally something the night I had gone to her house, but I couldn't remember what. Finally I recalled that at that time I had recently memorized a poem by T.S. Eliot and I had recited the poem to her. I felt embarrassed when I thought about it even though I was unsure whether she remembered my reciting the poem. Remembering the poem also made me wonder whether I had actually been drinking alcohol that night. Perhaps I had been smoking marijuana instead.
Many people were walking around the hall. Sally and I continued moving closer and closer until our faces were right next to each other and our noses were actually touching. I enjoyed being with Sally and she obviously seemed to like me. Finally our lips touched and before I could react, Sally opened her mouth, stuck her tongue into my mouth and kissed me. I liked Sally, but I was surprised because I hadn't thought she would be interested in me. She put her arms around me, but I broke away because I didn't want to kiss her right there in front of everyone.
We spoke about relationships and other subjects. I didn't want to feel as if I had committed myself to her. I liked her, but I was unsure I wanted to be committed. I also wanted to tell her I didn't want to have sex with her. I wanted her to know I didn't have any problems with sex and I actually was quite good at performing at sex, but I had just finished one bad relationship and I didn't want to immediately jump into another.
I was also attracted to the girl sitting on my left and I thought she was attracted to me. I thought I had once known her before, but I liked Sally more. I was uncertain whether I wanted to simply date one girl or whether I wanted to date several girls at the same time.
Across the hall from us were double doors through which people were passing. We could hear singing inside and we listened to quite a few songs until I realized Neil Young was inside giving a concert. I stood up and said, "Wait a minute. I'll be back."
I walked to the double doors and saw someone sitting there taking tickets. Although I didn't have a ticket, I walked into the room which seemed like a gymnasium. Most people were seated in bleachers along the side of the gym, but many had sat down on a rug in front of the stage. One fellow was directing people to sit on the side of the rug rather than directly in front of the stage. I sat down near some lights which were pointed at Young who was on the stage. I listened to Young as he played guitar and sang.
Other people sat near me. I turned around and recognized two fellows sitting behind me as people I had known about 15 years before when I had lived in Portsmouth. I shook both their hands and when I did so, one said, "No it's two, three, two."
He was talking about a special way of shaking hands whereby first one shakes hands twice, then the fingers are clasped three times and then the thumbs are clasped together twice. After we went through the little handshaking ritual, I asked them if they remembered me. They did, but I was unsure they remembered my name. I told them I was the one who used to sell them drugs when I lived in Portsmouth 10-15 years ago. They remembered me. Seeing people I used to know was a pleasant feeling.
I decided to go back outside and fetch Sally and the other girl; they made me feel important. I was surprised how easy it was for me to now go out and find women. I felt as if I were attractive and desirable to them and that made me feel good.
When I walked back outside, however, the chairs where the girls had been were empty and no one was there. Then I spotted the girls walking down the hall toward me. At the same time they reached me, Ellen also walked up. Ellen looked as if she had gained some weight and she also had a couple moles on her face. Even though Sally was standing next to me, I was still happy to see Ellen. I didn't want to ignore Ellen and I said, "Ellen."
Ellen was surprised to see me, but she seemed pleased. She said hi, walked over to some stairs and started to up. I spoke to her as she ascended. She turned to me and said, "You don't know what a decision you took me through."
I replied, "I didn't put you through anything."
As she continued up the stairs I watched her and I could see up her dress. She was wearing white hose and it looked as if she sported black panties under the hose. She said, "Well, I'll see you at Marie's later."
I realized she was talking about a woman named Marie Huff. Apparently Ellen was later going to go to a party at Marie's.
I walked back over to the chairs where I had earlier been sitting. A table was now there and next to it were standing two fellows whom I knew from high school, Ramo and Shaw. Ramo smiled and asked me what I had been doing; I answered, "Just talking to broads."
I remembered I had never gotten along well with Shaw, but Ramo was glad to see me and I was glad to see him. I wanted to find out how he had been. They were drinking something out of cups, but I was unsure what. I thought it might be alcohol. I was unsure whether I had stopped drinking alcohol. Whether I should drink something alcoholic if I had the opportunity was a bit of a dilemma.
A bunch of dollar bills and some change was lying on the table. Shaw, who had apparently just bought something, shuffled the bills and change together and put the money into his pocket. Shaw spoke, but his talk was so garbled, I couldn't understand what he was saying. I listened to him for a while.
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