Dream of: 02 March 1985 "Cabaret"
I came home to the Travis Street Apartment where Louise and I were living, and found Louise wearing the long gray coat I had recently bought her. I was surprised to see she had moved out all her belongings, including all her furniture and had piled up some of my clothes and some towels next to one of the closets. Apparently she was leaving me.
She shut the closet doors and pointed out some writing on the door which had apparently been done in black spray paint. She then took me over to another wall and showed me some more writing, which I read. At the bottom of the writing, written in large red letters, were the words, "I love you."
I was happy to see that, but surprised, because I didn't think she loved me anymore. Then I looked farther and saw written the words, "I don't love you."
Next to the words was a little arrow pointing to a picture of the face of a man with slicked-back black hair and very red lips. He also had horns and reminded me somewhat of the stage director (played by the actor Joel Grey) in the movie Cabaret. Louise indicated it was a picture of her.
I thought about how that was the way Louise was. First she loved me, then she didn't love me. Then she loved me again. Then she didn't love me again. I realized she just really couldn't make up her mind about anything; I couldn't continue to live like that.
I asked her if she wanted me to take her home and she indicated she didn't. She said she wasn't wearing anything underneath her coat and I said, "You're kidding."
I wanted to see. She opened up her coat for a moment and I saw she was completely nude under it. She closed the coat and said, "Don't get excited."
She said she was leaving, but I knew she was completely accessible. I thought about going to her and putting my arms around her. We would probably end up having sex if I did. But instead I just let her go
After she had left, I thought about her walking around downtown. I hoped she wouldn't get into any trouble. If any one were to suspect her of shoplifting and were to find out she didn't have on any clothes under her coat, she might be in big trouble because it would look as if she was preparing to steal some clothes.
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