Dream of:22 February 1984 (2) "Ethics Class"
I was in a class at Baylor Law School. The professor was talking about upcoming class elections and I learned Brian and I had both been nominated to run against each other for president of our class. The professor began talking about what a shame it was that the two contenders for the presidency had been friends at one time, but now were no longer friends due to the election.
The class ended and I headed to the locker room. I was feeling bad about the situation between Brian and myself. Both of us would soon be graduating although Brian was still going to be there a little longer than I. I was unhappy about running against Brian but I was going to do it anyway because I had decided I wanted to win that election. I was going to try my best.
I thought one advantage Brian might have was the fact that he was going to be at the law school a while longer than I. The students might want someone who was going to be longer at the law school to represent them.
Brian still owed me $100 which I had lent him. I hadn't heard anything from him for a long time. I didn't know whether he was going to repay me the $100. Brian walked up to me in the locker room. He handed me a check for $100 and said, "Here's something you won't have to worry about anymore. And here's something else, too."
Along with the check for $100 he handed me a letter written on a yellow sheet of paper. I recognized it as a letter I had written intending to send to him but which I had decided not to send. I asked him where he had gotten it. He said he had found it behind the front desk at the law library.
I said, "Brian, I never sent that letter. I did write it, but I never sent it. I changed my mind."
The letter had been a rather nasty one in which I had told him I had been in love with his former wife, Brenda. I had also said some other nasty things in the letter. Part of the letter was written in Spanish and I thought someone had probably translated it into English for him. Part was written in German. I thought since Brian spoke German he had probably been able to understand that himself.
I told him I had thought about what I had said in the letter and I didn't mean it, but he really didn't believe me. He thought that I meant what I had said in the letter and that the die was cast between us.
He turned and walked out of the locker room. I thought, "Well, it will just have to be that way then."
I realized that the die was cast and that we would be running against each other in the election. I thought about the election and decided I wasn't going to try to curry favor with anyone. I planned to continue just as I always had. I thought people's minds would have already been determined by now.
I headed to class. It was Friday night and this was to be my last class of the week. I thought about not going but then thought, "No. I am going to go to this class."
The class was a legal ethics class. I knew Brian was also in that class. I walked into the classroom. I knew people were going to be scrutinizing me more now that I was running for class president. I hadn't dressed up for the class and I noticed I had a hole in the right knee of the blue jeans I was wearing.
I walked to the back of the class, but then saw some empty seats in the front and decided to go up there. I really didn't care if anyone else was sitting beside me.
I sat down in the third seat from the left in a row close to the front. I noticed the seats seemed like pews in a church rather than regular class seats.
The class started filling up. I noticedLeah in the room and I heard Miller's (a fellow law student) voice behind me. I thought, "Well he's certainly one person that won't vote for me in the election after what happened when we had our practice court trial against each other."
I thought how I had been in the wrong when I had introduced some evidence in that practice court case which I shouldn't have introduced. I knew that not only he but also the people who had seen the case would probably vote against me in the election. I saw Levy (another law student) sitting in the class and wondered how he would vote.
I began thinking, "Everything's going to come home now. All the things I've done – the good things and the bad things – will be brought out for this election."
A girl sat down in front of me and another sat near me to my right. I pulled out a tape player – because I wanted to tape the lecture – and also a cassette. On the cassette I wrote the word "Ethics."
The two girls started talking and the one on my right moved closer to me. She was average looking. She asked me something and then laid her hand on my right leg. She was obviously quite accessible and I knew I could simply reach down and hold her hand. Or, I thought, I could just brush her hand off.
I thought about the matter and realized it was exactly the type of situation I had been thinking about lately. What should I do when a girl to whom I was sexually attracted, but in whom I had no other interest rather than sex, approached me like that? Was I going to succumb to temptation or would I resist. I was unsure what exactly to do; so I just left her hand there.
The professor began the class and he sounded more like a preacher than a professor. He began talking about punishment for things which we did wrong. It reminded me of a church service and talk of hell.
I leaned back, crossed my hands across my breast and listened to what he had to say. The entire room seemed to have a red glow to it. I grew more and more interested in what was being said.
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