Dream of:20 February 1984 "Catholic Saint"
I had gone to the House in Patriot to stay a while. I had decided I wanted to study science and was debating whether I should stay here, or go toFrance to study science in another language.
My mother, who was living in the House, told me she had heard about a commune which I might want to visit. The commune was next door to the house where Birdie was living in Portsmouth.
I went to the commune house and discovered about eight people lying on the street in front of the house as if they had been tossed out. I started to go into Birdie's house next door, but lost my courage and instead went into the commune house. Quite a few people were inside. I was completely nude except for a long, red tee shirt. I asked some of the people if they minded nudity. Although they said they didn't mind, I noticed no one else was nude.
I decided to stay and talk with them a while. After I had sat down, they began telling me something about their philosophy. They took me into the back yard and showed me a tree under which they could sit and read. I thought I would like to read something for a while, particularly something scientific. I thought I would enjoy something like biology or physics. But I didn't want to do it in the United States because I would have to study in English. I would prefer to study in another country.
I looked at the tree and thought that would be a nice, quiet place to sit and read.
After we walked back inside and talked some more, I noticed that two of the people were Japanese. I thought it was nice that people from other countries could find a place like this to live when they came to this country and ran out of money.
One fellow in the room was reading a book which had been partly written by a Catholic saint and partly by a commentator on the saint's work. I asked the fellow about the book and he said it was one of the best books ever written. I thought it had been written in the 17th century; but I didn't say anything about it.
Only one child, a blond-haired boy (about 3 years old) was in the group. When I asked the others whether they frowned on people with children entering the group, they told me they did. They said they didn't allow children in the group and the woman with the child would be leaving next month.
A woman was preparing something to eat and I was invited to stay and join them. I had the feeling they were trying to impress me, hoping I would join their commune. I noticed that the woman preparing the meal was exceptionally obese. I found her quite disgusting. The closer I looked at the others, the more some of them also disgusted me.
I first sat down on a couch, then rose to go to the table. I tried to pull my tee shirt down so it would cover my penis. I felt particularly strange being so exposed, especially since no one else was nude.
We all sat down. Several tables were in the room and I sat at one with two other people. I was given creamed peas and spaghetti. No meat was served. The meal was rather simple and obviously hadn't cost much. When I had finished what was on my plate, I noticed a buttered roll in a basket for me. I picked up the roll and ate it. After we had finished eating what was in our plates, the fellow sitting across from me took all the spaghetti left in the serving bowl on our table, without asking either me or the other fellow at our table if we wanted any.
The child asked one man in the room something and the man talked with the boy for a moment.
I was becoming rather disgusted with the atmosphere. Although the others had talked, I hadn't said a word through the entire meal. I listened to some of what they said and thought most of it was inconsequential nonsense. I thought, "Well, it would be nice if everybody didn't say anything and then if they really had something worth saying then they said it instead of just babbling all the time."
Trying to think of something worth saying, I said something about "rules" of the commune. They began telling me that there weren't really any definite rules. They said it functioned from the heart and developed as they went along.
I sat down on a couch and another fellow sat down to my right. From his manner of speech, I thought he might know a little about what he was saying. As we continued talking I suddenly realized we were sitting in the back seat of a moving car. I was sitting on the left side of the back seat.
I noticed the fellow sitting next to me was holding my hand. It didn't bother me and actually felt rather good. I didn't think he was a homosexual. I thought he was simply holding my hand as a friendly gesture. But I wasn't completely sure he wasn't a homosexual. I thought if he were a homosexual, I didn't want to have anything to do with him. I thought, "Well, I don't know if he is a homosexual. I'll just let him hold my hand and we'll find out. If he is then I'll stop him. But I don't really have anything against one man's holding another man's hand."
I began talking to the fellow, who knew I had gone to law school. He began talking about how people who graduate from college often become unhappy because they don't have a master's degree. They need a master's degree so they can make more money. Therefore they return to college and get a master's degree. But then people realize they need even more money and returned to college to study even more. Thus, he continued, a person ends up wasting all their time going to college.
He asked me if I felt that way. I told him I didn't feel that way. I felt that part of the time of a person who entered society like that was wasted, but definitely not all of it. The fellow maintained that all the time was wasted. I wanted to say, "But like a lawyer for instance – he often does quite a lot of work helping other people and getting into other people's lives."
But I didn't say anything because I realized their thinking was basically awry.
We stopped the car. A man in the front seat, who was an important member of the commune, got out and went into a building. He stayed inside for a short while and then returned carrying a list of names. He said all the people whose names were on the list had moved. I looked at the list and saw one name was "Kim Shannon." He said Kim had moved without even telling them.
I asked them what we were doing here. They said they were looking for some drugs and mentioned the names of some drugs. I was shocked because I didn't think they used drugs. I said, "Well, doesn't the use of drugs eviscerate your whole theory?"
They said it didn't, and that the drugs would help. I was appalled by the idea of their use of drugs. I felt they wanted me to take some drugs with them, but I was adamantly opposed to the idea. I thought I might watch them if they were going to take drugs, but I definitely wasn't going to take any drugs with them.
As we drove on I realized we had entered Gallipolis.
I awoke, realized I had been dreaming and began writing the dream I had just had. I wrote that I had been in Portsmouth and had decided to visit Birdie. But when I arrived at her house I was afraid to go inside. I saw some people standing outside of the house next to hers. I went inside and began talking to some people inside.
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