Dream of: 03 January 1984 "Processes by Which Our Thoughts Are Guided"

I was pushing a bicycle as I walked with a girl along Front Street on the west side of Portsmouth. We were in the vicinity of a house where Ramey was living; I wanted to stop to pick up some marijuana from him.

When we reached the house I saw a sign on the front door which said "Gone to Disco." The sign also gave the address of the disco, near a pharmacy on the east side of Portsmouth. Obviously Ramey wasn't home. I turned to the girl and asked, "Well, are you really disappointed?"

"Oh a little," she answered.

As the girl answered, I suddenly realized she was Louise. I could tell she was somewhat disappointed and I said, "Well, it doesn't matter."

Since no one else seemed to be around, we turned around and headed back the way we had come.

I began thinking I had once had a dream similar to what was happening at the moment. In that dream I had asked Louise to give me a "blow job." Suddenly I said, "Wait just a minute. I want to stop right here for a minute."

I wanted to ask her to knell down and perform fellatio on me, but before I could say anything else, Louise said, "Keep walking. There's somebody following us."

I turned around, looked back and saw four men following us about 30 meters away. I could see a gas station ahead of us and said, "Well, just keep going toward that gas station."

I looked back again: one man (a short fellow) was running toward us. Looking again ahead of us at the gas station I could see people there and I told Louise to run there as fast as she could. She raced off and I followed behind her. Since I didn't think the fellow following us would be able to get past me to Louise, I wasn't overly concerned about her safety, but I thought I could fend him off so he couldn't reach her.

The short fellow kept gaining on us. When he had almost reached us, Louise couldn't run anymore and had to slow to a stop. The fellow was wearing a red shirt and looked rather mean. When he was close enough to hear me I said, "Well, what can we do for you?"

He continued approaching us and he didn't slow down. Suddenly I picked up my bicycle and slung it at him; just as I did so, I remembered a dream I had recently had wherein I had passed a solid object through a person. Since such an occurrence was therefore not unfamiliar to me, I half-way expected the bicycle to pass right through the man; and indeed it did go through him as if he were a ghost.

He continued running toward Louise and I said to her, "Don't worry. It's an illusion. It's a dream."

He continued running, ran into Louise and passed right through her. Nothing happened to her.

Suddenly, I realized I was dreaming. I became lucid, and wondered whether I should continue the dream, which I was enjoying because I was with Louise.

As I pondered the matter further, I began considering how my thoughts were moving and I felt as if I were beginning to understand somewhat how my thoughts were controlled and how my mind moved from one thought to the other. I became somewhat quiescent as I thought about "the processes by which our thoughts are guided."

I knew I was close to awakening. I thought about how in my waking life I had been thinking of communicating to Louise through my dreams and I considered what I would like to say to her. I thought perhaps I should say, "No, I don't really care about you at all."

I couldn't say that, however, because the truth was that I loved her. I felt good about loving her. I thought I only wanted to tell her one thing. I turned to her and said, "Louise, I still love you."

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