Dream of: 18 December 1983 (2) "Partying"
Louise and I had gone to a party at the Ressinger House, where many people were dancing in the middle room. I wasn't enjoying the party and I didn't even want to stay. Louise walked around and I began reading some books I had. Louise returned to me, walked off again, returned again and walked off again.
Finally I dozed off and when I awoke, I saw Louise dancing with some man. Many other people were also dancing and Louise seemed to be enjoying herself; but it made me angry to see her dancing with someone else. I thought, "Well, she'll stop pretty soon."
She continued to dance; I sat almost an hour watching her. Finally I rose and walked into another room where I was still able to see her. Finally she disappeared and I didn't know where she had gone. Then she reappeared in the midst of the crowd. She basically seemed to have forgotten I was even here.
At one point I saw her point to her cheek as if she wanted someone to kiss her. I thought she wanted some man there to kiss her, but then saw she was talking to Cindy Barnett (a law student) and wanted Cindy to kiss her on the cheek.
I began gathering together some things I had brought with me when I had come; I thought, "Well, I'll just start taking all this stuff out to the car."
I began carrying it out. I couldn't remember in whose car Louise and I had come at first, but then remembered we had come in my car.
It was almost midnight and I had to work the next day. By now I was absolutely furious at Louise for having left me sitting alone for so long. I thought, "Well on the way home I'll just stop and go into a bar and get a beer and she'll just have to wait while I go in there. Or I'll stop somewhere and get my hair cut and she'll just have to wait."
I was almost to the point of asking her to give back the engagement ring, but I thought, "No, I'll just let her keep that."
I did want to break up with her. I was so furious, I just wanted to get away from her.
I thought she saw me carrying my things outside, but I really didn't even want her to see me going out. I thought I would just get out of the house and let her try to find me. After I had been outside for a while, however, I walked back in; she was still in the midst of all the people partying.
Most people were leaving. One woman who was leaving had a large pick-up truck parked in the middle of the street. She was a foreigner who had come to the United States; she said she was going to be moving up north somewhere.
I was still furious. I just wanted Louise to come over to me so I could tell her what I thought of her. I thought, however, that it was true, that I hadn't been much fun to be with since I had dozed off. But I just didn't want to have anything to do with the people at the party. Louise, on the other hand, was in her element. Apparently she had forgotten I even existed.
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