Dream of: 05 January 1983 "Guilt"

My girlfriend Louise and I were riding around in a car which I was driving. The car actually belonged to Tom Campbell (a law student); at the same time I had his car, he had mine. I pulled into the parking lot of an HEB grocery store where Tom was parked in my car. I got out of Tom's car, walked over to Tom and said, "Tom, lets change back cars."

Whereupon he replied, "OK."

I had been thinking since Tom and Donna (another law student) were studying client counseling together, and Louise and I were studying the same thing together, perhaps the four of us could practice together. I mentioned it to Tom; he seemed to like the idea, although I couldn't actually ascertain whether he really wanted to do it.

After Tom and I had exchanged cars, Louise and I boarded my car, Tom boarded his and we all drove off. My car was a brown Volkswagen Rabbit which I had obtained from my father, who had given it to me in trade for another car which I had traded to him. Comparing my Rabbit to Tom's car, I said to Louise, "This is a definitely much nicer car than he had."

She agreed.

As we rode along, I had the feeling Louise was upset because I wanted to practice client counseling with Tom and Donna. Realizing Louise thought I liked Donna, I said, "Louise, I don't like Donna."

I tried to make it perfectly clear to Louise that it was Louise whom I loved and that I wasn't interested in Donna.

I finally dropped Louise off and went to a small apartment where I was living. After I had been there a while, Tom showed up again, walked in and sat down.

Tom and I hadn't seen much of each other recently; it soon became apparent that his opinion of me had changed. He now wasn't friendly and he let me know he didn't care much for me. I had the feeling his main reason for not liking me was because I was somewhat of a loner and I didn't associate much with people in law school. But I knew Tom like I was also somewhat of a loner because he was the only Mormon at law school.

Tom said something negative about me and then he said he had heard other people say worse things. I was unsure what he was talking about, but apparently some people had been maligning me. I thought it somewhat strange for Tom to be telling me about people criticizing me, since I thought people also criticized him. Nevertheless I was uncertain whether I had done something wrong and I felt uneasy.

Tom walked over to the corner where several of my collages were stacked. Tom began going through the collages, one after the other. I told Tom to be careful or he would bend the pictures on some of the collages.

When Tom had finished looking at the collages, I walked over to them and began straightening them back up. I noticed among the collages the one with the black silhouette of a man reaching up toward a flute. A chain ran from the silhouette's neck to a nude woman, while a whiskey bottle and a marijuana plant were at the silhouette's feet. I wondered if Tom had seen the collage and had made any inference about me from it.

Tom began inspecting my bed; I hoped my sheets weren't dirty; I could see they were clean. Several covers were on the bed; the top one was a bright quilt with a lot of red in it. Tom lay down on the bed and talked for a while.

When Tom finally rose and left, I sat thinking, until it suddenly occurred to me I had been dreaming about everything which had been happening. I wanted to record the dream, but I thought, "Oh dear, I've had a dream with Donna in it."

Louise disliked my having dreams with Donna in them. But then I realized the dream hadn't been bad because in it I had told Louise that I didn't care about Donna and that I loved Louise. I especially wanted to record that part.

As I sat there trying to remember everything which had happened in the dream, Petty (a female law student) and Patrick (another law student) came to the door and walked inside. I was unsure what they were doing there, but they sat down. Petty seemed to be in a hurry because she was apparently going to be in moot court. She also seemed to be very critical of me, much the way Tom had been, especially of the way I spent my time. She talked about how she had to begin work at five o'clock the next day and I asked, "You mean in the evening or the morning?"

She said she meant in the morning. At five or five thirty she had to get up to begin working on moot court. That seemed very early to me. She seemed like an industrious person.

She continued her criticism of me and she wanted to know what I did with my time. I told her I had been writing my dreams. I pulled out a dream which I had written and began reading it to them. Both of them seemed interested in the dream, but the words were extremely difficult for me to read and I couldn't read fast. I simply couldn't understand some words. I read one sentence and I could hardly understand it. Patrick and Petty seemed to understand the sentence. The sentence said something about "the boy ...hid...or had...," but I just couldn't understand the words." I had the feeling they thought the dream had to do with masturbation, but I was uncertain.

I read on, trying to understand the dream. One word I came across, "guilt," stuck out in my mind. The dream was written in such a peculiar way I couldn't understand it. Patrick, however, who seemed quite friendly, helped me some with the meaning, and I seemed to get the general feel of the dream.

As I read, I couldn't remember having ever had a dream in which Petty or Patrick had appeared, and I rather wished they had been in some of my dreams so I could read them the dreams in which they had appeared.

They asked me about law school and the way I associated with people. Apparently they didn't think I associated with enough people. I told them I had been in a study group my first two quarters. Petty said critically, "Oh, yea. A typical study group. Who broke that up? Who split that up?"

I said, "Well, we were together two quarters and then I went to Puerto Rico. I left. Three of them in the study group still stayed together though."

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