Dream of: 30 December 1982 (3) "Disappointed"

While at Baylor Law School, I began talking with a fellow, and we walked outside together, where he told me he was the son of Andy McSwain (a fellow law student). He looked as if he were 26-27 years old and since I knew Andy McSwain was probably only about 24-25, I said, "You can't be his son. You must be dean McSwain's son."

When he insisted he was Andy's son, I said, "Well Andy's only... He's as young as you are."

He said that that didn't matter and that he was still Andy's son. After we had walked to his car and he had climbed in, I turned around, walked back into the building into a small lounge and sat down. A black girl walked over and sat beside me. She looked as if she were 25-26 years old; I recognized her from somewhere. We began talking and even though other people were sitting in the room, she pulled a marijuana joint from her purse and handed it to me. I took it, immediately lit it up and began smoking it, not even caring if the other people smelled it.

I smoked and smoked and talked. Finally I finished the joint and she gave me another one. I lit it up and began smoking it. I had almost finished the second joint when dean McSwain walked into the room in a huff. Apparently someone had gone and told him I was smoking marijuana. He said, "All right, I see it. I smell it."

I stuck the two butts of the joints into my mouth and swallowed them, but I knew McSwain had already seen me. He walked over and sat down between the black woman and me. He angrily told me he was disappointed in me. I tried to brush some ashes off the table. I thought he would probably expel me.

The black woman was also a law student and apparently McSwain had had trouble with her before. He said, "I've had trouble with both of you."

The black woman told McSwain that she was the one who had given me the marijuana. McSwain began talking about how harmful the marijuana was. Up until then I had said nothing. Finally I said, "I cannot deny anything you're saying. You're absolutely right. It is harmful. And ninety-nine percent of the time I just don't have any desire to smoke this stuff. But just that one percent ..."

I began thinking it was actually more like 95 percent of the time that I had no desire to smoke. I continued, "But five per cent of the time I just get an urge to smoke."

As McSwain continued chastising me, I began thinking he wasn't going to expel me right now. He obviously wouldn't need any more evidence than that he had seen me smoking and had smelled it. And other people in the room had obviously smelled it.

A band was setting up on the side of the room and getting ready to play music.

A metal stand was sitting nearby and sitting on the stand was a plastic sack filled with water. When I saw something moving inside the sack, I thought goldfish were inside. McSwain also noticed the sack, stood and walked over to it. He looked disgusted as he said, "There's a mouse in there."

I rose and walked over. The sack was filled with water and a dead mouse (about three centimeters long) was floating on top of the water. Under the water were two small animals (each about five centimeters long) which looked something like weasels. They were nibbling at the dead mouse. Since McSwain was apparently through with us, he walked out of the room.

The black woman and I walked out the back of the school, put our arms around each other and began walking around together. I thought other people would notice my being with a black woman, but I didn't really care. More than anything, I just felt friendly toward her. When she turned her face toward mine, I gave her a short kiss on the lips.

My girlfriend Louise was somewhere in the back of my mind, but I couldn't seem to exactly place who Louise was. I knew that (because of somebody or because of some reason) I shouldn't be kissing the black woman, but I couldn't precisely focus in on that reason.

After the black woman and I walked over to her car, she climbed in and drove off. I walked back inside and went into a different lounge where quite a few law students were gathered. They had been working on a write-in project to become candidates for law review. Apparently they were still writing their articles and turning them in. I said, "Well they've already posted the names of the seven people who were going to be selected."

They said that the names which had been posted didn't count, but I thought the posted names certainly did count, and I remembered that Louise's name had been one of those posted as winners of the write-in competition. I said, "Well Louise's been working on her law review article."

They told me that the person who had graded all the papers had been gone for a week and that the list which had been posted had just been a preliminary one. A blonde-haired woman who was a law student whose last name was Taylor handed me a list which contained the seven names. Three new names had been added to the bottom of the list. I thought, "Well apparently it looks like they're just going to let everybody be a candidate. And then they'll just have to write their law review articles and separate the people then who make law review."

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