Dream of: 02 December 1982 "Emotional Struggle"

I hurriedly walked into a room where I saw several people whom I thought I had earlier killed. One woman was sitting in a chair and some of the other people were standing along the walls. They looked at me; I thought they posed a danger to me. I held out my hand as if it were a gun, began pretending to shoot them and made noises like, "Pfow! Pfow!" with my mouth in an attempt to get rid of them. I said, "You can't be here. You're all dead."

My motions had no effect upon them. I knew something terrible was going to happen and suddenly I heard a heaving, "Whisz, whisz, whisz" type breathing. I recognized the sound immediately as Darth Vader's breathing. I knew he was coming and suddenly I saw him walk into the room. He was gigantic about three meters tall. I thought I heard the woman in the room say it was useless to struggle. I realized it was indeed useless to struggle, but I knew Darth Vader was evil and thought, "No, I must fight against Darth Vader."

He stalked me. Suddenly I remembered a scene from the movie The Empire Strikes Back in which Luke Skywalker had cut off Darth Vader's head. When the head had fallen to the ground, it had looked like Luke Skywalker's head. I also remembered how Yoda had told Luke it was useless to fight. I felt the same dilemma: it was useless to fight, but I felt I must fight.

Suddenly Darth Vader attacked me. He pushed me to the ground, fell on me and held me down. I struggled against him.

I began thinking about Louise, who weighed heavily on my mind. I thought somehow the fight in which I was involved had to do with her. I was unsure whether I was somehow protecting her or whether the fight was similar to an emotional struggle I was having involving her.

I realized the emotion I felt for her was love. I wondered whether just as I shouldn't fight Darth Vader and feel hatred for him, I shouldn't feel love for Louise. But I realized just as I had to fight Darth Vader, so I had to love Louise.

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