Dream of: 16 October 1982 "De Pace Et De Belli"

I was standing in the hall of the Baylor Law School near the men's toilet; Fulkerson (a fellow law student) was standing in front of the toilet's door. In my hand I was holding the top part of a blue Bic pen, the part which is used to hold the pen in one's pocket. I was planning to go into the toilet and use that piece of the pen to shave by scraping it across my face. I was feeling rather depressed and I didn't even want to shave with a razor. Shaving with the end of a Bic pen seemed to symbolize how low I felt. I asked Fulkerson if he had ever seen anyone shave with the top part of a Bic pen and he replied, "No."

Both of us walked into the toilet; I put some soap or something on my face. I then commenced pulling the top of the Bic pen across my face and taking off my whiskers. I shaved off a little part on my right cheek and told Fulkerson to touch it to see how smooth it was. He did.

I could tell he thought the whole idea was rather ridiculous. Even though the top of the Bic pen was doing an effective job, I also thought I was being ridiculous. It seemed as if I were trying to humble myself. I told Fulkerson I didn't even know why I was doing this because I had five new razors somewhere nearby.

A large bathtub was also in the room. Suddenly I heard someone say something from the bathtub and saw some fellow in it. He said something to me, but I didn't quite understand him. I looked again; actually three people two men and a woman, all nude were in the tub.

One of the fellows was Kevin Wilson (another fellow law student). I didn't know who the other fellow was, although I had seen him at the law school before. That fellow said something about my having some kind of mental problem which compelled me to subject myself to unnecessary hardship. An example of that was my shaving with the top of a Bic pen when I could simply use a razor.

I more or less agreed with him. He kept talking and mentioned someone who had written something about the subject. I didn't understand the name at first. But when he repeated it, I understood it was the writer Grotius. I had recently heard that name in Newton's international law class. I remembered that Grotius had written a book around 1609 called something like De Pace et de Belli Nationes.

Apparently Grotius had also written a book about people who acted the way I was acting. I told the fellow in the tub I knew who Grotius was, and although I hadn't read anything by him, I would like to.

I left the toilet and soon encountered Louise. We sat down on the side of a bed and talked. Another fellow, who reminded of Stone (a fellow law student), was lying in the bed. I thought Louise had her arm around him and then I realized they liked each other. I became upset and confused by the fact. She began treating me as if I was just any other person.

Louise and I left and went to a class at law school. We sat close to each other. We hadn't been here long when someone began talking about interviews for law firms. The professor said something and then called out Louise's name. Apparently Louise had an opportunity to go to Austin for a job interview. She didn't have to go right now, but she could if she wanted to; she immediately decided to leave at once. She was simply going to jump up, dash out of the class and leave.

I myself had been planning to go to Dallas for an interview. I wanted to talk to Louise before she left about her going to Austin, especially since I had been planning to go to Dallas; it was confusing.

Apparently the job for which she wanted to interview paid about $30,000 a year. I knew she couldn't get the job right now because she still had about five more quarters of law school to finish. But she almost seemed to be possessed. I looked at her and said, "Louise, don't go. Let's talk about this."

She was so agitated she couldn't think of anything else. She simply had to go right now. I wanted to tell her that going to Austin would cost considerable money; she would have to take a bus. I kept thinking about how far away Dallas and Austin were; we needed to consider the situation more carefully. Louise, however, had only one thought in her mind and nothing else seemed to matter.

She was leaving to go pack. I rose and walked out with her because I wanted to talk more with her about the matter. I had the feeling she had the $30,000 figure in her mind at the moment and the idea of having the job had blinded her to everything else. She thought all she had to do was go to Austin and she would automatically be given the job. Everything except the job interview was totally irrelevant to her; she wouldn't listen to anything I had to say.

We walked along the street together until we reached a large thoroughfare with six or seven lanes of traffic, all going in the same direction. A car pulled out and I heard something which sounded like coins fall off it. A man walked across the street in front of me, bent over and began picking up something. I realized that keys had fallen and that he was picking them up.

Louise and I began walking across the street. I kicked something which made a metallic sound, thought it was one of the keys and said to the man, "Here's one."

But it wasn't a key. It was simply a pull-tab from a pull-open can.

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