Dream of: 12 July 1982 (3) "All-Consuming Feeling"

My girlfriend Louise (who was also a fellow student at Baylor Law School) and I had been having a rather lengthy argument which was reaching its climax. I was saddened because we were about to break up. Nevertheless, I was still angry with her because of the argument. While she was standing by the door, I threw a small amount of water in her face from a cup which I had been holding in my hand. Startled, she looked at me, turned and walked out the door. Knowing she would never return, I thought, "Well, I'll just let her go."

Actually I felt as if I wanted her to go, but as she was leaving I hollered, "Louise!"

She turned, looked back at me, then boarded her car and drove away. I thought, "Well, she's gone. This is the end. At least I hollered at her and she didn't come back. So at least I tried."

I turned back around to the room I was in. I had only moved in a few days before. I had a roommate, a fellow named Keith, who wasn't there at the moment.

I walked into the small bedroom next to the living room. I wanted to listen to some music. I had turned on three radios which were all playing the same music. One radio was in what appeared to be an old sewing machine sitting next to the bed. The contraption was the type which folded down so the top looked like a table. A radio was where the sewing machine would be. At the present, the radio was folded down, leaving the table top with stuff sitting on it. Even though the radio was folded down, it was turned on, but it wasn't very loud. Apparently I had the radio set at one volume at which it stayed all the time. I thought about turning it up louder, but taking the stuff off the top and raising up the radio would be a lot of trouble. I decided not to bother.

I walked back into the living room and picked up a small wooden box about 10 centimeters long. Although the box didn't belong to me, I opened it and saw that it contained two marijuana joints. I put the lid back on the box and set it back on the table.

One of my law school classmates, Beto, showed up and walked into the room. I was unsure what he wanted and I was uncertain whether he was there to visit me or Keith. He began talking about a formal dance at Baylor University and he said there was a place down the street where the guys were supposed to pick up the girls. When he asked me if I were going, I said, "No."

I asked him if he were going and he said he wasn't.

Keith walked into the room. Since I knew that Keith had a steady girlfriend, I asked him if he were going to the dance. He also said he wasn't going. Apparently he was gradually breaking up with his girlfriend. He was still taking her some places, but he wasn't going to take her to the formal dance.

Keith picked up some jelly beans lying on an end table, began tossing them in his mouth and eating them.

As Beto sat down on the other side of the room, I heard him say something about "dope." As I sat down, I looked at Keith, who gave me a funny look. Keith and I had never discussed dope. We had simply moved in together without ever having discussed whether either of us ever used any drugs. We talked a bit longer, until I asked, "Keith, do you know where I can buy any marijuana?"

At first he looked surprised, but then he had an expression as if he thought my asking such a question came naturally to me.

By now I had an all-consuming desire to smoke some marijuana. I kept thinking about the joints I had seen in the box, and how much I would like to smoke one right now. I had the feeling Keith knew where I could buy some marijuana. I didn't want to buy much ten dollars worth or a half ounce at the most, but because I didn't want to seem stingy, I said I wanted to buy a whole ounce. Keith gave me a funny look, and said he might be able to find some for me tomorrow.

I didn't want the marijuana tomorrow; I wanted it right now. I kept thinking about the two joints in the box. I really just wanted to smoke those joints with Keith, but I didn't say anything about them.

Another fellow who looked like Keith walked into the room. The new fellow was upset because I had asked Keith about buying pot while I had been standing in front of the window. The new fellow was afraid someone outside might have heard us. When I looked outside, I saw someone sitting in a car out there.

Everyone stood up and prepared to leave. It looked as if I weren't going to be able to smoke any today.

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