The following is an actual dream included in my dream journal, and does not describe actual facts

Dream of: 21 June 1976 "Unclean Hands"

On a lark, I had gone with two other fellows to a white church (which reminded me of the little white church in the village of Patriot, Ohio) where I expected the preacher and his sermon to be absurd. As the church began filling with people, I noticed a girl sitting behind me who reminded me of someone I had once known named Bev. The girl's mother (who looked vaguely like a woman named Carol, the first woman with whom I had ever had sex), was with the girl. I thought I would like to be with the girl.

After the preacher walked to the front and began preaching, I quickly became tired or disgusted with the sermon and I headed toward the door. As I walked out, I shouted some words back into the church, one of which was "Raserei", a German word meaning "nonsense".

After the sermon had finished, the other people in the church also walked out and I spoke with the girl. She told me that even though she was 18 years old, she couldn't go anywhere because her mother was so strict. I told her if she were 18 she had the right to do what she liked, but she didn't believe me. After talking to her a while, I felt as if I might like to go to bed with her, but I decided doing so would be foolhardy.

I was surprised to see Dr. Weinstein (the optometrist father of my good friend Weinstein) outside. Dr. Weinstein and I spoke briefly.

I had ridden a motorcycle to church, but when I saw my father outside, I decided to leave the motorcycle there and to depart with my father in his car. On the ground lay about 30 centimeters of snow which my father began helping me pile onto the motorcycle to camouflage it. My father and I then boarded his car and rode through the streets of Portsmouth until we arrived at a house. After my father parked the car, we both stepped out of the car and walked into the house. I knew that my mother and two of my brothers were in another room somewhere in the house. A blonde-haired woman was also running around the house.

My father and I began going through some kind of rite. He told me to stand on his shoulders and say something like, "The holy meeting with my father will now begin."

I did so. He then dipped his head into a bowl of water (which he had in the closet) and shook his head. I in turn took the bowl and poured the water over my head.

When I then heard my mother moaning somewhere in the house, I asked my father to accompany me to find her. As he and I walked into the hallway, I discovered I had lost my voice. The blonde-haired woman stood in a doorway for a moment. I thumped my hand on the wall to get my father's attention. When he stopped, I formed the words "blonde woman" with my lips, but no words came out. My father advanced no further with me.

I walked on through the hall alone and passed the room where my two brothers were engaging in homosexual activity. One had his eyes turned back as if he were insane and yellow sperm splotched his butt.

I walked on into the room where my mother lay covered with blankets and moaning. When I saw that the blankets were soaked with blood, I thought she was having her period. After I walked over to her and asked her if she were bleeding, she virulently cried out, "Even if I weren't bleeding it wouldn't make any difference. Mother can't seem to keep her hands clean."

Sensing the dire meaning of her words I groped for her hands. In one I found a knife which, buried deep in her flesh, was ripping her insides out.

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