Dream of: 04 May 1974 "Profundity Of Life

Feeling depressed, I walked along Chillicothe Street (the main north-south street in downtown Portsmouth, Ohio) until I met my old high school classmate Phil Waddell and his attractive frizzy-black-haired girlfriend. After speaking to them, I walked away, but since I was so lonely, I turned around and walked back to them. I just wanted to be near someone. When I asked them where I could find someone in town with whom to talk, they shrugged and said that finding such a person was impossible. After the three of us embraced, I decided to go with them for a ride.

As we rode through the country (it was springtime), I thought about the way Waddell had evolved into the niche reserved for him by society. He and his girlfriend seemed uninteresting, but happy.

Waddell pulled out a bag of marijuana and rolled a joint. When he asked me if I wanted some, my mind began flashing. I could see no reason why not. I hadn't smoked in six months. Lonely and depressed, I thought perhaps the marijuana would give me a boost. I answered, "Sure."

Something, however, gnawed at my mind and when I had the joint in my hand, I asked Waddell if he had ever stopped using drugs. He said he had once stopped for several months, but then someone had offered him some drugs and he had returned to the routine.

I looked at myself intensely and I asked myself whether I should smoke marijuana. After a short painful deliberation, I decided that smoking would be disadvantageous. Instead of smoking the joint, I gave it to Waddell's girlfriend, who was now sitting between Waddell and me.

After Waddell, his girlfriend and I arrived at a home in the country, we walked in and sat down in the living room. While Waddell and his girlfriend continued smoking heavily, Waddell turned on a record player, and with an intoxicated demeanor, began listening to the music.

Meanwhile, as I was trying to understand my destiny, I realized that both Waddell and his girlfriend needed help. I didn't want to preach to them, but they were obviously in need of guidance. I felt a poetic impulse and I began talking to them about the shortness of life, the consequences of the use of life, and the ultimate question of eternity. I could see, however, that the marijuana was preventing my communicating effectively with them.

The sister of Waddell's girlfriend arrived. She looked like a girl I had once known in Portsmouth. Although I felt attracted to her, I was preoccupied with continuing my speech on the profundity of life.

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