Rob's World ®
Jokes Page:
Warning: some jokes may not be appropriate for all ages.
Subject: Alcohol warnings:
Due to increasing product liability litigation, beer
manufacturers have
accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels
be
placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
an asshole.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR
HEAD IN.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like
thish.
WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in
the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may leave you wondering what thehell happened to your
pants.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something reallyscary (whose species and/or name
you can't remember).
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are
tougher, smarter and more handsome
than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may
seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
submitted by TakNiRuk
A Police Car went to a
hit and run scene:
The first policeman says to the second, "Write: Body on the
road, hands
on the road, legs on the road, head on the pavement."
The other policeman thinks for a moment, then asks, "How do
you spell
pavement?"
So the first policeman looks around, kicks the head and says,
"Head on
the road."
submitted by Smart277
Q: What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
A: The Spice Girls!
Q: What's the difference between a
gynecologist and a genealogist?
A: A genealogist looks up the family
tree.
A gynecologist
looks up the family bush.
Q: What do you call two skunks doing a
69?
A: Odor eaters!
Q: Why do Southern guys go to family
reunions?
A: To meet chicks.
Q: What do Disney World & VIAGRA
have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a
two minute ride.
Q: What's the difference between a pick
pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.
A peeping Tom watches snatches.
Q: How can you spot the blind guy at the
nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.
Q: Which 3rd grader has the best body,
the blonde, brunette or redhead?
A: The blonde --- she's eighteen.
Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock
knock jokes?
A: Because they go and answer the door.
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde
paint?
A: It's not real bright, but it's cheap,
and spreads easy.
Q: Why don't Baptists make love standing
up?
A: Because it might lead to dancing.
Q: What's the difference between love,
true love and showing off?
A: Spit, swallow and blowing bubbles.
Q: What is the difference between women
and computers?
A: A women will not take a 3.25 inch
floppy.
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named
after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet,
but when they go,
they take your
house and car with them.
Q: What does Hillary Clinton do right
after she shaves her pussy?
A: She sends him to work.
Q: What do you call a man who expects
sex on the second date?
A: Slow
Q: What's the difference between Pee Wee
Herman and OJ?
A: It only took twelve jerks to get OJ
off.
Q: What do you call it when a women
talks dirty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute
Q: What is the definition of nothing?
A: When a man with an erection walks
into a brick wall
and injures his
nose.
Submitted by AndreaBorg.
BUMPER STICKERS TO RELATE TO
________________________________
If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You
1,000,000 Sperm And YOU Were The Fastest??
Jesus Loves You, The Rest Of Us Think You're An Idiot.
Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!
HANG UP AND DRIVE!
Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!
Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?
I Have The Body Of A God .......... Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Honk If Anything Falls Off
He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit
I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
From LadyJ1167
30 Harsh Things A Woman Can Say To A Naked Man
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other
talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people
on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the early bird.
From LadyJ1167
© 1999 Rob's World ®
10/22/1999
