Once upon a time, while our heroine was on much caffeine and sugar and very little sleep, a revelation was discovered. The evil school cafeteria had sporks. Real sporks.

YES!

Needless to say, I was pretty darn happy (though the lunch monitor wasn't when I grabbed about two dozen plasticware packets and denuded them all of their sporks). People all looked at me oddly, until I explained my spork theory. Then, only some of them looked at me oddly. Others slowly backed away.

But obviously, they were unenlightened. But you, who have chosen to come to the spork shrine, obviously aren't. So I will tell unto you, my theory of the spork.

It is my theory and belief that sporks are a modern day incarnation of the All (for those of you who don't know, the All (also referred to as the One) is sort of like the God and the Goddess and everything wonderful and powerful and holy all wrapped up together). The All is both male and female, as is the Spork (the pointy spear bits are the masculine and the round spoon parts are the feminine). The All is everlasting, as is plastic, which is the holy material of the Spork.

And now you have been enlightened.
Be happy.

Soon to come: Spork poetry and chants