Horse Lingo Dictionary

Horse Breeding Lingo
AT STUD TO APPROVED MARES-Those in season.
GOOD BROODMARE-Don't dare try to show in the ring.
GREAT STALLION PROSPECT-Will breed anything from the neighbor's cow on up.
INBREEDING-The breeding results of broken/inadequate pasture fencing.
PLAN YOUR BREEDING SEASON NOW-Call the stud owner two days before your horse is due to come in season.
YEARLING-The age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously.
YOUNG STOCK-A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.

Horse Description Lingo
BARN SOUR-An affliction common to horse people in northern climates during the winter months. Trudging through deep snow, pushing wheelbarrows through snow and beating out frozen water buckets tend to bring on this condition rapidly.
COLT-What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
COLT-What a foal is called no matter if it is a boy or girl.
EXCELS IN MOVEMENT-When she spooks, she can pass any horse in the ring.
FLEA-BITTEN-A condition of the lower extremities in horse owners who also own dogs and cats.
GOOD BITE-Missed the steward but got the judge.
GORGEOUS HEAD-Yeah, but the body looks like it belongs to a moose.
HANDLED EXCLUSIVELY-No one else can get near him.
HEAD TOSSER-A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the barn.
LOTS OF DRIVE-Untrainable.
MUSTANG-The type of horse your husband would gladly trade your favorite one for...preferably in a red convertible and V-8.
PERSONALITY PLUS-He/She Might wake up if you stick a carrot up its nose.
PINTO-A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean grey horse that was left unattended in his stall for ten minutes.
PONY-The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via transported semen-that was advertised as 15.3 hands tall.
PIZZAZZ AND LOTS OF IT-Has not been out of his stall for three days.
TERRIFIC ANGULATION-Cow hocked, sickle hocked, over at the knee, toes in.
TERRIFIC PEDIGREE-Old champion Whatsisname is twice in the fifth generation.
THREE GOOD GAITS-And four or five others we can't name.
WITHERS-The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.

Horse Medical Lingo
AZORTURIA (Monday Morning Disease)-A condition brought on by showing horses all weekend. Symptoms include the feeling of dread at having to get out of bed on Mondays and go to work/school.
BOG SPAVIN-The feeling of panic when riding through marshy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles.
COLIC-The gastrointestinal result of eating at the food stands at horse shows.
COLIC-The gastrointestinal result of participating in horse shows.
CONTRACTED FOOT-The involuntary instant reflex of curling one's toes up-right before a horse steps on your foot.
DRENCH-Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he administers mineral oil to his horse.
FOUNDER-The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." Founder: A condition that happens to most people after Thanksgiving dinner.
FROG-Small amphibious animal that emits a high-pitched squeal when stepped on.
GIRTH SORES-Painful swelling and abrasion made at the point of mid-section by fashionable large western belt buckles.
HEAVES-The act of unloading a truckful of hay.
HOCK-The financial condition that a horse owner goes into.
LAMENESS-The condition of most riders after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in weekend riders.
OVER-REACHING-A descriptive term used to explain the condition your credit cards are in by the end of show season.
PARASITES-Small children (no flames please) that get in your way when you work in the barn. Many gather in swarms at horse shows.
PROUD FLESH-The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed in halter classes.
QUARTER CRACKS-The comments that most Arabian owners make about the people who own Quarter Horses.
QUITTOR-A term trainers have commonly used to refer to their clients who come to their senses and pull horses out of their barns.
RASP-An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
RINGWORMS-Spectators who block your view and gather around the rail sides at horse shows.
SADDLE SORE-The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at the horse show.
SLEEPING SICKNESS-A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last several weeks.
SPLINT-An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of a rider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.
TWISTED GUT-The feeling deep inside that most riders get before their classes at a show.
VET CATALOG-An illustrated brochure provided to stable owners that features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory.
WEAVING-The movement a horse trailer makes while going down the road with a rambunctious horse in it.
WINDPUFFS-Stallion owners. Also applied to used car salesmen.

Horse Miscellaneous Lingo
AUCTION-A popular, social gathering where you can change a horse from a financial liability into a liquid asset.
CORN-Small callus growths formed from the continual wearing of cowboy boots.
FEED-Expensive substance utlized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure.
FENCES-Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over.
FENCES-An obstacle to the horse that is prohibiting him from eating the greener grass on the other side.
FLIES-The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over.
GALLOP-The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the barn.
GATES-Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
GROOMING-The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
GROOMS-Heavy, stationary objects used at horse shows to hold down lawn chairs and show bills.
HAY-A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.
HOOF PICK-Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo-doo from the treads of your tennis shoes.
HORSE SHOES-Expensive semi-circular projectiles that horses like to throw.
LEAD ROPE-A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
MANURE SPREADER-Horse traders
MOSQUITOES-Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically reach the size of small birds.
STALL-What your truck does on the way to a horse show, fifty miles from the closest town.
TACK ROOM-A room where every item necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.
ZOO-The typical atmosphere around most horse farms.

Horse Show Lingo
ENDURANCE RIDE-The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the woods.
EQUITATION-The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to crowhop, shy and buck his way around a show ring.
JUDGE-(HATED)-He didn't place my horse.
JUDGE-(NOTED)-He placed my horse.
JUDGE-(RESPECTED)-He placed my horse twice.
JUDGE-(COVETED)-He placed my horse in every class.
JUDGE-(WORSHIPPED)-He placed my horse first in every class.
JUMPING-The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
LIMITED SHOWING-Owner is broke.
PLACED IN FIVE SHOWS- and 89 others where he did nothing.
RACE-What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
SHOW PROSPECT- Four legs, two eyes, two ears, a mane, and a tail.
SHOWN SPARINGLY- Only when we had the judge in our pocket.
WON IN HEAVY COMPETITION-Three horses in the maiden class.

Horse Training Lingo
BIG NAME TRAINER (aka-Cult Leader)-Horse owners follow them blindly, will gladly sell their homes, spend their children's college funds and their IRA's to support them-as they have a direct link to "The Most High Ones" (Judges).
GREEN BROKE-The color of the face of the person who has just gotten the training bill from the Big Name Trainer...
HOBBLES-Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.
LUNGING-A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to grazing.
REINS-Break-away leather device used to tie horses with.
SACKING OUT-A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness. The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes into labor and foals.
SADDLE-An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
VERSATILITY-An owners ability to shovel manure, fix fences and chase down a loose horse in one afternoon.
WHIP MARKS-The tell-tale raised welts on the face of a rider-caused by the trail rider directly in front of you letting a low hanging branch go. (Also caused by a wet or dry horse tail across the face while cleaning hooves.

Return to Horse Laughs
Gallop back to The Horse Lover's Corral