STUD TO APPROVED MARES-Those in season.
GOOD BROODMARE-Don't dare try to show
in the ring.
GREAT STALLION PROSPECT-Will breed
anything from the neighbor's cow on up.
INBREEDING-The breeding results of
broken/inadequate pasture fencing.
PLAN YOUR BREEDING SEASON NOW-Call
the stud owner two days before your horse is due to come in season.
YEARLING-The age at which all horses
completely forget the things you taught them previously.
YOUNG STOCK-A general term used for
all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to
dump you on the ground.
SOUR-An affliction common to horse people in northern climates during the winter
months. Trudging through deep snow, pushing wheelbarrows through snow and
beating out frozen water buckets tend to bring on this condition rapidly.
COLT-What your mare always gives you
when you want a filly.
COLT-What a foal is called no matter
if it is a boy or girl.
EXCELS IN MOVEMENT-When she spooks,
she can pass any horse in the ring.
FLEA-BITTEN-A condition of the lower
extremities in horse owners who also own dogs and cats.
GOOD BITE-Missed the steward but got
GORGEOUS HEAD-Yeah, but the body
looks like it belongs to a moose.
HANDLED EXCLUSIVELY-No one else can
get near him.
HEAD TOSSER-A blonde-haired woman who
wears fashion boots while working in the barn.
LOTS OF DRIVE-Untrainable.
MUSTANG-The type of horse your
husband would gladly trade your favorite one for...preferably in a red
convertible and V-8.
PERSONALITY PLUS-He/She Might wake up
if you stick a carrot up its nose.
PINTO-A colorful (usually green) coat
pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean grey horse that was left
unattended in his stall for ten minutes.
PONY-The true size of the stallion
that you bred your mare to via transported semen-that was advertised as 15.3
PIZZAZZ AND LOTS OF IT-Has not been
out of his stall for three days.
TERRIFIC ANGULATION-Cow hocked,
sickle hocked, over at the knee, toes in.
TERRIFIC PEDIGREE-Old champion
Whatsisname is twice in the fifth generation.
THREE GOOD GAITS-And four or five
others we can't name.
WITHERS-The reason you'll seldom see
a man riding bareback.
(Monday Morning Disease)-A condition brought on by showing horses all weekend.
Symptoms include the feeling of dread at having to get out of bed on Mondays and
go to work/school.
BOG SPAVIN-The feeling of panic when
riding through marshy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at
having to go through water puddles.
COLIC-The gastrointestinal result of
eating at the food stands at horse shows.
COLIC-The gastrointestinal result of
participating in horse shows.
CONTRACTED FOOT-The involuntary
instant reflex of curling one's toes up-right before a horse steps on your foot.
DRENCH-Term used to describe the
condition an owner is in after he administers mineral oil to his horse.
FOUNDER-The discovery of your loose
mare-some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used
like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." Founder: A condition that happens to
most people after Thanksgiving dinner.
FROG-Small amphibious animal that
emits a high-pitched squeal when stepped on.
GIRTH SORES-Painful swelling and
abrasion made at the point of mid-section by fashionable large western belt
HEAVES-The act of unloading a
truckful of hay.
HOCK-The financial condition that a
horse owner goes into.
LAMENESS-The condition of most riders
after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in weekend
OVER-REACHING-A descriptive term used
to explain the condition your credit cards are in by the end of show season.
PARASITES-Small children (no flames
please) that get in your way when you work in the barn. Many gather in swarms at
PROUD FLESH-The external reproductive
organs flaunted by a stallion when a horse of any gender is present. Often
displayed in halter classes.
QUARTER CRACKS-The comments that most
Arabian owners make about the people who own Quarter Horses.
QUITTOR-A term trainers have commonly
used to refer to their clients who come to their senses and pull horses out of
RASP-An abrasive, long, flat metal
tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
RINGWORMS-Spectators who block your
view and gather around the rail sides at horse shows.
SADDLE SORE-The way the rider's
bottom feels the morning after the weekend at the horse show.
SLEEPING SICKNESS-A disease peculiar
to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost
sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking
state. Can last several weeks.
SPLINT-An apparatus that can be
applied to various body parts of a rider due to the parting of the ways of a
horse and his passenger.
TWISTED GUT-The feeling deep inside
that most riders get before their classes at a show.
VET CATALOG-An illustrated brochure
provided to stable owners that features a wide array of products that are
currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory.
WEAVING-The movement a horse trailer
makes while going down the road with a rambunctious horse in it.
WINDPUFFS-Stallion owners. Also
applied to used car salesmen.
Horse Miscellaneous Lingo
popular, social gathering where you can change a horse from a financial
liability into a liquid asset.
CORN-Small callus growths formed from
the continual wearing of cowboy boots.
FEED-Expensive substance utlized in
the manufacture of large quantities of manure.
structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump
FENCES-An obstacle to the horse that
is prohibiting him from eating the greener grass on the other side.
FLIES-The excuse of choice a horse
uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over.
GALLOP-The customary gait a horse
chooses when returning to the barn.
GATES-Wooden or metal structures
built to amuse horses.
GROOMING-The fine art of brushing the
dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
GROOMS-Heavy, stationary objects used
at horse shows to hold down lawn chairs and show bills.
HAY-A green itchy material that
collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.
HOOF PICK-Useful, curbed metal tool
utilized to remove hardened dog doo-doo from the treads of your tennis shoes.
HORSE SHOES-Expensive semi-circular
projectiles that horses like to throw.
LEAD ROPE-A long apparatus
instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to
take a handler for a drag.
MANURE SPREADER-Horse traders
MOSQUITOES-Radar equipped blood
sucking insects that typically reach the size of small birds.
STALL-What your truck does on the way
to a horse show, fifty miles from the closest town.
TACK ROOM-A room where every item
necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place which it
cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.
ZOO-The typical atmosphere around
most horse farms.
RIDE-The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the woods.
EQUITATION-The ability to keep a
smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to crowhop, shy and
buck his way around a show ring.
JUDGE-(HATED)-He didn't place my
JUDGE-(NOTED)-He placed my horse.
JUDGE-(RESPECTED)-He placed my horse
JUDGE-(COVETED)-He placed my horse in
JUDGE-(WORSHIPPED)-He placed my horse
first in every class.
JUMPING-The characteristic movement
that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
LIMITED SHOWING-Owner is broke.
PLACED IN FIVE SHOWS- and 89 others
where he did nothing.
RACE-What your heart does when you
see the vet bill.
SHOW PROSPECT- Four legs, two eyes,
two ears, a mane, and a tail.
SHOWN SPARINGLY- Only when we had the
judge in our pocket.
WON IN HEAVY COMPETITION-Three horses
in the maiden class.
NAME TRAINER (aka-Cult Leader)-Horse owners follow them blindly, will gladly
sell their homes, spend their children's college funds and their IRA's to
support them-as they have a direct link to "The Most High Ones"
GREEN BROKE-The color of the face of
the person who has just gotten the training bill from the Big Name Trainer...
HOBBLES-Describes the walking gait of
a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.
LUNGING-A training method a horse
uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering
the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the
horse can go back to grazing.
REINS-Break-away leather device used
to tie horses with.
SACKING OUT-A condition caused by
Sleeping Sickness. The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a
mare actually goes into labor and foals.
SADDLE-An expensive leather
contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in
many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
VERSATILITY-An owners ability to
shovel manure, fix fences and chase down a loose horse in one afternoon.
WHIP MARKS-The tell-tale raised welts
on the face of a rider-caused by the trail rider directly in front of you
letting a low hanging branch go. (Also caused by a wet or dry horse tail across
the face while cleaning hooves.
Horse Laughs Gallop back to The
Horse Lover's Corral