We have good news and bad news. First, the good news: your J-boy did not commit suicide
in prison! He's been doing some secret work for us. Who are "us", you may
ask? You wanna die, Missy? Oh, so sorry ma'am, we digress.
You'll just have to, uh -- trust us on this, okay? He worked for "us", doing...a secret
"something". Unfortunately, the Jurgmeister began doing some even
more secret
work against us -- but that's neither here nor there, as you will
soon understand for yourself.
We hope this letter finds you in one piece and enjoying good health.
Wish we could say the same for your beloved son.
Sadly, he has become one with the cosmos, having been splattered into molecules by the
unfortunate circumstance of his hands-on re-arming of a bomb, in what has been debated as either
the act of a coward, or that of a martyr. The point, however, is moot, because he is a dead Jurgen.
His fundamental Jurgen-ness has ceased to be. He is the microscopic material formerly known as
Jurgen. We're talking not even an essence of Jurgen, these days, really.
Let's stop sugar-coating this. It is not overstating matters to declare that he
is, in fact, an ex-Jurgen. "Ol' Smithereens", as we like to call
him around Section, on the rare occasion when it is necessary to refer to
him at all.
We are sure there can be no pulse, as there is -- here's the funny thing -- no artery at which to
take a pulse! There are no ashes to scatter, as he was rather spectacularly scattered already,
along with the walls of a particular institution. This bit -- no pun intended, ma'am! -- of misfortune
has necessitated some amount of industrial cleaning and repair, quite a tidy (actually, tidyING ) sum,
as a matter of fact. Unfortunately, we have had to sell your young man's dubiously-acquired car,
home and assorted objets d'art in order to meet our financial burdens in this case. Therefore, we
regret to inform you that nothing survives -- lock, stock, mission blacks, charred remains, or
ill-gotten gains -- of your blue-eyed boy. Or would that be "formerly blue-eyed..." ?? (Actually,
if we are going to get technical, formerly eyed, would probably be most accurate)
Anyhoo, we are confident that you will bravely soldier on -- as you had done
when you thought he was dead the first time around -- and as have
his co-workers, some of whom have already forgotten his name.
We are still counseling a handful of others who CANNOT SEEM TO LET GO. Rest
assured that psychiatric counseling, pharmaceutical agents, electroshock therapy, and outright
noggin-whacking are all being considered to help them through their time of delusion.
love and kisses
Dear Mother Jurgen:
Section One
This is a weak attempt at humor about a fictional character, ONLY. We are not here to pass judgment or take sides. This site exists for the purpose of stating in unequivocal terms that -- for good or ill -- Jurgen has died. Jurgen is irretrievable. Jurgen has left the building (in fact, the building pretty much went with him) We are here to help those who, in the grieving process, have been unable to move past the denial stage. We also provide a place for those who would like to leave a final sympathetic thought or limerick. We do acknowledge, appreciate, and respect the work of guest actor Bruce Payne, who played the role of Jurgen in three episodes of La Femme Nikita, in early Season Two, 1998
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