oh comma my dot dot dot the box is empty period


11/22/00 3:44:18 AM !!!First Boot!!!





a very odd email indeed. odd in that there is a subject that is not nonsensical. a subject with information and a request! preposterous! i wear glasses. before, i never before realized what i missing before. i knew i needed glasses but i had no idea how much more clear the world could be, especially at night. thats all i have say about that. "im smart enough, im good enough, and dog gone it, people like me."-stanley. al frankins best role on snl. the cinesol deal went all right. there were not as many people as we had expected. we also realized how shitty and small cinesol is. at the screening in harlingen i had some good listening and learning fun from barton weis of the dallas video festival and jose mata of the cookie cutter music video. one drawback of the learned video people talking was that it ended kind of late and we didnt go to chris house. cintech is going to submit something to the dallas video festival. hurrah for us. for stuffed fowl feast day im having a large amount of family over. in addition my mother invited my x boss from my summer job and his family. there will be lots of youngins that i will have to entertain. fantastic. one perticular unfortunate thing about my family is two of my cousins are teachers and my mom has already ordered them to ride my ass about college application goodness. itll be great. i hope im able to cope with their disapproving eyes.

now to the meat of this email, eh? oh yeah… i suppose i thought and i continue to think that when you said lets just be friends it was the sort of thing that is said to let a person off without too horrible an emotional blow, and that we would eventually drift apart as we have. believe me, i have tried to think of excuses to talk to you but i am most often unable or just not assertive enough to implement them. even when i do get up the nerve i cant think of anything to say to you. that is the bottom line. i dont have anything to say to you. when i look at the conversations i have with other people i see that i really dont say much, i dont converse. all i do is throw in my occasional witty two cents into others conversations. so as far as working on our conversational skills i dont think there is much to work with over here. i have realized more than i had before that we are wrong for each other and that i have an attraction to you that is very much unwarranted. you are my personal feminine mystique. i havent made much of an effort to cavort with you partially because i thought you thought i was more of a loser nuisance than anything else and also because its always been easier for me to avoid the issue and just space out in my easily created fantasy reality. i apologize for my social flaws. i felt and continue to feel really terrible, like an asshole that need be disposed of in the most painful of ways, when i was fucking with my watch as i passed you in the hall that day. i couldnt bare to look at you and say something lame and empty. you deserve so much more. please accept my apology for that if nothing else. i have given up trying to be the person you need and deserve. you make me feel way too human. i propose that we just stay away from each other and maybe in ten years if youre not busy we can go have some coffee. i hope you have a good life.