21 Ways to Survive the Dullest of Church
Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.
See if a yawn really is contagious.
Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your
hand and tell the pastor.
Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.
Listen for the speakers to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on
through the alphabet.
Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of
you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that
made it to the front.
Using church notice-sheets or newcomers cards for raw materials, design,
test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the
front, under the pews, without being noticed.
Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory.
Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your
nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn.
If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.
Pretend to be 4 years old.
Try to indicate to the pastor that his fly is undone.
By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt
Try to raise one eyebrow.
Crack your knuckles.
Think about your chin for an entire minute.
Twiddle your thumbs.
Twiddle your neighbors thumbs.
Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice.
Practice smiling insincerely.
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