bitty                                                                                                               Ms. Understood

usapo Box 3332                                                                                             Adult Humour

Burleson, TX 76097                                                                                               604 words

(817) 726-6125 Phone

8175351628 fax

Ms. Understood, I am convinced –this is about her.


             “Do you know you are arrogant?” My friend asked.

             “Yes. I make sure to drink plenty of water while I work out, so I get a full body sweat –it looks so sexy on me,” I said.

             Looking into the full-length mirror at the gym, I flexed. The quizzical look on her face told me she must have been considering how right I am. She talked to my reflection as she looked at my image. She asked if I had ever heard of vanity.

            “Of course!” I said. “If you need a mirror with lights, I would be happy to let you use my full length one at home, or I do have the travel one in my gym bag.”


She must have decided she looked good enough. She does seem distracted nonetheless. Her hair is a muss and she is topic hopping mentally. She then asked if anyone had ever told me I was self-centered.

Seeing, there must be something bothering her and noticing the distraught look that had come over her face, I thought she must want to talk about a difficult subject. Maybe, she wanted to hear someone else talk first. Kind of ease the tension and open up the conversation for her.

            “Actually, the doctors say; due to the Spinabifita and Disk Degeneration in my lower back, there is a negative affect on my body caused from my hips rotating too far forward.”

            I bounced on my left foot and flailed my arms in circles, like I was trying to stay on a balance beam.

            “And my left leg is much shorter then my right. So, really I lean a bit to the left!”

            She shook her head and dismounted the exercise bike.

            “You seem so convinced,” She said.

            Now, she has me confused.

            “Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked.

            Even though I enjoyed her attempting to make the conversation about me, I sensed there was something else she really wanted to say. Was she trying to work up the nerve to talk? Wow, it must be an intense issue. If only I knew what to say to help her get to the point. I decided to let her go on with the bizarre questions and just be there for her when she was ready to talk.

            “Someone needs to humble you!” She blurted.

            I realized she is so upset she is now leaving out words in her sentences. Wanting not to offend her, I just responded without correcting her.

            “Oh yes. That would be wonderful. I used to live by Humble, Texas when I was young. My high school football team played theirs! What a trip down memory lane. I would love someone to take me to Humble.”

            She threw her arms up and turned from me and my free weights. Apparently, she would have to calm down a bit before she could talk.

            “I just can’t talk to you,” She said.

            Realizing she was going, I wanted her to know I wouldn’t judge her about whatever her issue is and that I will always try to be there when she wants to talk, but there just wasn’t enough time to think about the proper way to say that without it coming out wrong. Wanting to repay her kindness of trying to show me she cares enough to put me first, I made sure to follow the guidelines of friendship and bid her a polite farewell.

            “OK then, have a great day and please grace me with your wonderful personality and beautiful smile again soon!”

            She is gone, and I am not upset by her lack of response. She really is preoccupied.

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