Bitty                                                                                                              Fine and Dandy

PO Box 3332                                                                                               Adult Humor

Burleson, TX 76097                                                                                               885 words

Phone (817) 726-6125                                                                                                    1999

fax 8175351628


Fine and Dandy


            So, you are in the market to buy a house. Maybe you’re just a renter or leaser with option. Perhaps, you already have yours. Anyway it goes with life in your neck of the woods; allow me the pleasure to share the beauty I see over my way.

            Odd enough for one looking out from the hood to show anyone a beautiful sight, but let us begin our ‘le tour de ma maison’ (French meaning “tour of my house” –see the trip has already taken on an air of regality) in my neck of the woods.

            There’s a saying that goes something like; “Ever thins bigger’n Texus.”

            My humble abode is in the heart of cowtown country, Fort Worth, Texas. A little bitty ol’ two bedroom with a den and lots of yard. Nothing “bigger,” but plenty big enough for me.

            Texas, also known for its heat, creates “big” numbers on thermometers. At times the temperature rises above the century mark and stays there. When you have a lovely home like mine with ceiling fans in each room, the index and the fact that I don’t have an AC, doesn’t seem to bother the enjoyment of beauty. But do keep air-conditioning in mind, because noone needs a “big” electric bill.

            Taking the unchilled interior into account, I find ways to occupy myself outside. This is where most tours begin since, it is the first site you have of a new home.

            As I hear, many a folk make a “big” to-do about “The Jones’”. I don’t know them and haven’t seen them, I suppose since Texas is so “big.” I can’t understand where anyone can get time to keep up with them, but concerning outdoor activities I hear many people try. I figure them Jones’ must be some pretty darn “big” folk –and stay inside with air-conditioning.

            The way things are here in Texas, everyone is so giving and their generosity amazes me. One fine example of this giving nature is “The Johnson’s.” I haven’t even formally been introduced and still they’re giving me their very own grass! They don’t stop to socialize, but they are always leaving their gift in my yard. “Big” money folk get thins named after ‘em all the time. Then there is Augustine, she’s quite heavenly to have around, almost sinful to walk on her grassy gift so I willingly do that barefooted, but I love the times she runs over and covers some of the yard. All this giving and I don’t even know either of them. Perhaps, they see the constant effort I am putting into the upkeep of my lawn and being of the nature, they just give.

            With the climate here, my yard seems to cultivate these Dandelion beasts. Not just “big,” but huge ones, that even grow spines! Trust me those don’t please the footsies in the slightest. What perplexes me is the reasoning behind the title they hold. Have you ever tried to remove one of those overbearing suckers with its root? There is nothing dandy about that, nor is there anything about them that appears to resemble my pet lion. No fur, no mane, no tail. Guess I will never know. One of these days though, I am going to catch those folk who blow by and cast out those seeds. I could introduce them to my pet lion and see if they show me the family resemblance.

            The next home novelty I would like to share is the outdoor operation of mowing. Mowing and weed eating to be exact on what I do. With all the giving people and all, the maintenance is my way of showing my appreciation to the beauty they bestow upon me. Now, I have heard them Jones’ use one of those mighty Edger things in their lawn care, but I am content to use my existing tools. The Blower has already been deemed ‘not needed.’ Also, the Edger isn’t necessary without having roadside curbs and all. Definitely another listing for all those wanting a home should consider.

            Now there is the backyard and more blades, but I refer to the ones on the lawn mower. I make the relation to the 3.5 HP label stamped on my mower, to “horse power.” I find the accuracy in that number only by the force of which I am blessed with the fine pelting fertilizing treasures of my faithful companion repelling from the grass chute on my machine. I would hate to be the poor shmuck that has the job to label those things. How many horse’s kicks are equivalent to the power of a motor? The only thing I can imagine is the fellow standing there helplessly as four horses kick him with all their might.

“Nope, Silver this motor isn’t quite equal. That’ll be a 3.5.”

            So, today is Thursday and I should be mowing. The need to stay on my schedule is one of my nit picks, but as fate has it the summers here also have “big” draughts. The rain hasn’t come for quite sometime and the ground is beginning to crack. Since, I love my yard and all its greenness; I listen to its screams.

“Oooo it’s hot here,” it says.

And to ease its fears that I will sap its beauty and lushness by cutting down all the gifts exposing it to the hot sun, I have decided not to mow. Displeasing as my shaggy yard may appear to the onlookers, my desire for the finished product does outweigh the minor details. I do have a beautiful lawn within.

            However it seems I really am thankful for all the quality outdoor time all this giving leaves me. Remember it is almost fall, and then there are “big” color schemes to think about!