Warnings: suicidal tendencies… AU… Character having a baby… O.O;; So there is an addition to the fic…slight angst…
Disclaimers: I want them but can’t have them… *sighs* Oh well… songs not mine either. Duo sings a song called “My Lover’s Gone” by Dido… also not mine…
~ And I don’t want the world to see me
There was a full Preventor funeral for Trowa, complete with honors. Though in truth it was empty. Trowa would have scoffed at the ridiculously over done service. All the former Gundam pilots felt that a small service was fine. There was really no point in all of the flashy decoration that was being presented. Duo stood nearest the gravesite staring blankly at the deep gray marble headstone. There was not even a hint of life left in those blue violet eyes. Heero stood on her right side and Quatre at her left. Reverting back to her boyish manners, she’d worn a black suit despite friends’ protests. Her braid seemed frayed from lack of interest, and nothing seemed to penetrate the wall she built up about herself that day. Heero sighed and looked at Duo as the service was drawing to a close.
The American had refused to speak at the funeral, and Heero agreed only to help the braided youth out. The director of the service beckoned to him and he stepped forward reluctantly. Looking over the hundreds of people he grimaced in total disgust. This was truly ridiculous and purely commercialized into pure propaganda. Half the people, Trowa had never even seen before. A small handful were there that actually knew him; Duo, Wufei, Quatre, the Preventor women, Zechs, Katherine, the ringmaster, and himself. His cobalt eyes fell upon Duo who was still staring blankly at the gravestone and shook his head.
No one would really hear his words, but he said them anyways. “I guess this is where we say goodbye. It’s really hard for us to say this. Especially some one as…” He paused to struggle for a word then gave up on the whole damned speech thing and continued in a convicting tone that got everyone’s attention. “No… Trowa was a great pilot, which fought to save you all. And do you even realize the sacrifices he made? This peace that you now enjoy was brought about by people like him.” People began to gawk at the “perfect” soldier in mock horror. Shaking his head he looked over the people in their superficial shock. “And sadly… now that fire… the talent… No, the person we cared about is gone. So this is goodbye… But it’s not forever and maybe if we’re worthy enough we can join him where ever he is…” Saddened eyes of deep sapphire stared at the crowd and then walked away.
Every remaining Gundam pilot, including Zechs, dropped heavy eyes to the ground. Trowa didn’t need a name, just as none of them did. Whether they choose their name or it was given to them, they were all the same. Nanashi. People were now filing away, leaving only the four remaining pilots. All eyes were glued to the mahogany casket as the first shovel of dirt was dropped on top of it.
Duo bit her lip. “Goodbye Nanashi.” The other three looked to her sadly. She’d been staying with Quatre for safety reasons. The Arabian was worried desperately about her. He would complain saying that she refused to eat and threw up nearly every morning. Wufei came to visit her a lot. He’d sit in her room with her and read to her as she’d lay still on the bed showing no signs of life. Though Heero was there the most. He would just sit with her and sometimes talk with her trying to give her hope. But nothing seemed to work.
The braided teen stepped forward and fell to her knees. Running careful fingers over her braid she mused over the length. [You said it grew almost a foot since the war… didn’t you Trowa?] Indeed it had. The braid now swept the back of her knees. In moments Duo had reached into her jacket and pulled out her knife. The same one she’d helped Heero escape with years ago.
Quatre and Heero nearly jumped out of their clothes at the sight of the sharp object, but Wufei stopped them. “It’s ok… Let her be… she wouldn’t try to kill herself in front of us. She knows we’d try to stop her. Just wait a moment.” Reluctantly the two nodded and stepped back staring at her form intently.
Calculating the length her hair was before she met Trowa, she smirked. Grabbing the braid just below the shoulder blades, she sliced the rest off. Three mouths gaped at her as she dropped the knife to the soft soil. Holding the two feet of silken braid, she pulled out another tie from her pocket. Gritting her teeth together she tied the loose end off and then dropped it on top of the casket. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the last bit of hair came unraveled. “My greatest treasure I give to you… You always said I loved my hair more than you…”
No one knew what to say. This was truly unexpected. Quatre looked at Heero blankly and watched him shake his head. “I don’t know Quatre.”
Wufei sighed and walked over to her. Kneeling down he picked up the knife and put it in his jacket. “Want to be alone Duo?” For a moment her eyes sparked at the sound of the Chinese boy calling her by her name, then they went dead again. She gave a slight nod and he turned to walk away. With a look, Wufei told the others to follow. Heero sighed in defeat then nodded following him closely.
Quatre blinked in bewilderment a few times then slumped forward. “I’ll be at the car waiting for you Duo. Take your time.”
Running hands through her remaining hair she choked. “You taught me so much… I loved everything about you. I still do… I just… need to let go. Oh Trowa… I don’t want to live without you.” The hand grasped the shimmering hair of chestnut. Letting out a labored breath she began to sing to him one last time. “My lover’s gone. I know that kiss will be my last. No more his song, the tune upon his lips has passed, I sing alone, while I watch the ocean… My lover’s gone, no earthly ship will ever bring him home… again.” Sniffling she got to her feet again and turned away. “Trowa… Nanashi… I love you.”
/ What was he thinking? There’s no way I could live without him. He asked too much of me. I just… I just want to die. I already feel like I’m dying. My heart’s completely numb. Not to mention this God forsaken nausea. Does that come from grief? It’s awful, I don’t think I’ve ever felt THIS sick before. Oh well… I deserve it. If I hadn’t been so selfish I’d still have my love… I know he told me about his dream. The vision more likely… Of me with ebony bat wings coming to him… and the painful experience of touching my wing. I didn’t really tell him that it was true. I didn’t deny it or anything… he just knew that it happened.
I cut my hair for him. He loved my hair. It was my way of showing him just how much he did for me. He helped me conquer the agony of my past. And my past is now buried with him. I have nothing left. The hair I grew when the war started and while we were together is the only thing I kept. I’m such a sap.
But truly… I don’t want to live anymore… Why should I? Life genuinely sucks. But I can’t even end it all. The boys are watching me like a hawk. Don’t get me wrong. They’re my best friends… But they don’t understand. There’s nothing here for me. I just want to let go…
Won’t they give me that much? No… it’s human nature to be selfish. You know… I never got to tell Trowa EVERY thing about me… or that I knew for a fact that Kathy was his biological sister. Yeah, I even knew his real name… but it is of no good to me now… Just more memories to torment me on a daily basis. Oh Trowa… I miss you so much… /
A week had passed since the funeral. Quatre still insisted upon her staying with him. Not that she argued much. In fact she barely ever talked. Wufei started making comments that the unthinkable had happened and talkative Maxwell had become mute. That resulted in two whaps over the head, one from the Japanese boy and the other from the Arabian.
The only thing she’d said though, was really a request. She wanted to change her last name back to Maxwell. It was unbearable to hear people call her Barton. Once more she was Duo Maxwell. But her being sick continued and Quatre finally talked Sally into checking up on her. Though whatever the problem was, it went no further than Sally and Quatre.
This bothered Heero. What was so important that he or Duo couldn’t know? Entering her room, he saw Duo curled into a ball in the center of the immense bed. “Duo-kun? May I come in?”
A slight shrug of the forms shoulders was his only reply. Her hands were intertwined into the loose ponytail of her remaining hair, and the eyes seemed blank from any life. Sitting on the bed beside her, he rested a hand on her shoulder. She had wanted to shrink away from the touch, but it felt warm and she decided not to move.
“Say something Duo… You’re really worrying us here…”
Duo moved slightly and turned over to face him. Dull amethyst eyes observed her best friend a moment. “What’s there to say?”
Heero sighed and brushed a hand lightly through her bangs that dangled in her eyes. She didn’t move, she just continued to stare at him silently. “Well, at least I know you can still talk.” Momentarily the girl smiled weakly.
“So I can… but it doesn’t matter Hee-kun… I’m expendable.”
The Japanese boy shook his head. “We all are… it doesn’t mean that we deserve to die though. Duo… you’re cared about, and believe it or not… we need you… I need you.”
Heavy lidded violet blinked slowly then a chestnut brow arched. “You need me? The “perfect” soldier?” A soft sigh escaped him. “I need you more than you think.”
She seemed to contemplate this a while, but soon he lost her again. “Yeah… Sure…” Turning away from him she closed her eyes and shut him out again. “Leave me alone.”
~ Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
Silently Duo peered out of the door to her room in the Winner mansion. Seeing no one there she sighed in relief before stepping out. Back in her clerical garments she tip toed down the hall with her boots in one hand. She had managed to braid her hair again, though it wasn’t as impressive as it once was. Self-consciously she ran her fingertips down the foot long braid. There definitely felt like something was missing.
After what felt like forever, she reached the front entrance of the large house. It was still dark outside which made her smile wryly. [Once again I’m the night stalker… how typical.] Before she could take another step a wave of nausea hit her and she choked. It was merely a dry heave, but it was enough to make her dizzy. But what she didn’t know was that it caught some one’s attention.
Taking a deep breath she opened the door and slipped out not noticing Heero emerge into the main hall and watch her silently. Quirking an eyebrow he watched through the window as she put her boots back on and then take off into the darkness. Without another thought he slipped out of the mansion as well and shadowed her steps silently. He’d been in the study when she’d gagged and it instantly caught his attention. To Duo’s great dismay, Heero always knew when a sound was from her.
They drifted through the cool night air quietly and soon came to a stop on the cliff looking out over the ocean. Heero felt bad for having no trust in Duo being alone, but what was he to think when she decided to sneak out in the middle of the night? He watched her drop to the ground and stare out over the churning water.
Frothy white crested the ravenous waves as they bit at the jagged rocks below. It mesmerized Duo completely. Taking a deep breath she enjoyed the wind that ripped at her pale skin and silken hair. The braid was coming loose little by little, sending wisps of chestnut about on the strong breeze. Closing her eyes she lowered her head. “Two whole weeks Trowa. Nothing’s changed in my heart. I still can’t bear the thought of this world without you in it. You’d be disappointed. Seems I’ve only just begun, and I’ve already screwed it all up.”
The Japanese boy frowned in sympathy from behind the trees where he stood. Though, he could have been standing right behind her and she wouldn’t have noticed. He wished that some how he could comfort her, but she refused to let him in. How could she say that things haven’t changed when she’d been locking herself away in her own mind and not even trying? Exasperated, Heero ran his strong fingers through his unruly dark brown hair.
Duo fell backward onto her back and stared up at the stars. “You loved the stars… I loved the moon. But we both preferred Earth to the colonies. We agreed on that. Things look far more amazing from here. You said that my eyes rivaled the evening sky. But at least we both loved the night more than the day.”
Heero finally stepped out from hiding and leaned against a tree still watching her silently. [Duo… It’s good to remember things like this… why can’t you just let go? He’s gone… there’s nothing anyone can do.] Silently, he fought off the urge to sigh. Where had all the emotions come from? From the very American that lay on the ground just yards from him. [You taught me to live… now please let me help you remember how…]
“I was your sunshine… You were my morning star… One and the same… But now you’re gone. What good is a half of a person? I am no longer whole. That’s why I’ve decided Trowa… to give up. Cowards way out or not… I can’t take it any longer.” In a few swift movements she pulled out her knife and stared at the moonlight glinting off of the blade.
Heero hadn’t noticed at first, far too deep in his thoughts to realize what was going on. But when the teen slid the blade over her pale wrist he came out of his day dreaming quickly. Duo stared at the gleaming crimson droplets of blood as they poured over her porcelain skin, unaware of Heero sprinting over to her. Making movements to do the same to her other wrist, she felt strong hands grip her arms.
Wincing in unexpected pain the knife fell to the ground. Looking up her pained amaryllis eyes met the endless pools of prussian. “Hee… Heero…” The Japanese boy was shivering violently as he picked up the knife and threw it out of both their reaches.
Duo watched him silently ignoring the pain in her wrist. “Duo… I… I know… how it feels to want to escape life. But this isn’t the answer! God Duo… You were the one that taught me that. Even Trowa looked down upon me at times for my urge to self-destruct. Please… Trowa wouldn’t want this!” Tears were streaking down Heero’s face as he stared up into Duo’s eyes.
Something sparked in her lifeless orbs as the tears streamed down Heero Yuy’s cheeks. It was so unexpected… so unbelievable. Reaching out a trembling hand she pressed her fingertips to his cheek feeling the moisture. After a moment she began brushing them away and threw her arms about his neck. “Oh Hee-kun… What am I doing? I’m so sorry… Please don’t cry…”
Slowly, Heero began to still his trembling and he pulled away. Looking at her wrist he sighed softly. Before anything could be said, he ripped his green tank top making a long strip of cloth. Duo sat total still as he wrapped it about the bleeding wrist tightly to stop the bleeding. “Let’s get you home please… You shouldn’t be out here so late. You’ve been sick.”
Both rose to their feet and stared at one another a long moment. “Thank you Heero…” The other nodded slowly and wrapped a comforting arm about her shoulder. Starting their walk back, neither hurried, they just enjoyed the silence and the cool night air.
“Duo… promise me you won’t pull something like that again.” The girl smiled softly and nodded.
“Alright Hee-kun… I promise.”
Perhaps not even a day later, Heero was walking down the hallway of the Winner mansion only to hear two people arguing. Carefully he placed the owners of the voices as Sally Po and Quatre Raberba Winner. They were in the study and yelling at one another angrily. Standing at the doorframe he decided to listen and see what was going on, knowing they’d stop as soon as he walked in.
“We should tell her! It’s not fair hiding it from her!” Sally threw out at Quatre bitterly.
“And what if it sets her off? We don’t want her hurting herself! Or the baby she’s carrying!” Heero’s eyes became wide as he tried to figure out the revelation he just had. “I don’t mean to hide it from her Sally… I just don’t want her to worry about that right now.”
“Well, you’d better tell her soon or I will. I mean… she’s two months along from what I can tell… she’ll find out eventually!” The Japanese boy felt the urge to faint. [So that’s why she’s sick every morning. A little case of morning sickness…] A small smirk washed over his face at the thought. [Won’t that be a sight… little Trowa/Duo chibis running around. Or just one…] Suddenly he lurched out of his musing. [Why the hell won’t Quatre tell Duo? She deserves to know!] Sally soon barged out of the room and gasped when she saw Heero. “Yuy… I didn’t know you were there. Did you…?”
Heero nodded slowly, the icy glare returning to his eyes. “I’ll talk to Quatre. I agree with you.” Sally smiled slightly and nodded. With that she took leave and stormed off down the hall letting herself out. Turning on his heel he entered the room where Quatre sat at a large wooden desk. “Quatre… may I have a word with you?”
The blonde nodded slowly and pointed to a chair across from him. Heero sat and glared at the Arabian silently. Quatre didn’t flinch though. All the pilots were becoming accustomed to the icy glares that Heero produced. “Yes Heero? What would you like to talk to me about?”
“Quatre… why don’t you want Duo to know she’s pregnant? Why prolong her suffering…? She should know so she can start taking better care of herself.” Quatre looked up and eyed Heero with conviction.
“How’d you find out?”
“I over heard. Now tell me why.”
Quatre sighed and put down the book that he had been reading. “Heero… she’s already acting strange. Who knows where she’d be if we weren’t here to watch her. Do you honestly think she could handle finding out such a major thing right now?” Heero observed him silently and didn’t look impressed in the slightest. “I just don’t feel we should right now.”
“Honestly Quatre, a few days ago I would have agreed with you, but I think she can handle it right now.” The Arabian arched an eyebrow at Heero indicating for him to explain. “She tried to commit suicide the other night…” The blonde nearly fell out of his chair. “But I stopped her… and she promised me she wouldn’t do it again. I think it’ll be ok to tell her Quatre… something about her changed. I saw it that night.”
The Winner heir nodded slowly then looked unnerved. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner Heero?”
Yuy smirked and returned the accusing question. “And why didn’t you tell me?”
The other’s pale face turned ghostly white. “Um…” Sighing softly he relented. “So you believe that she’ll be ok with it right now?”
“Hai… I do.”
“Fine… would you like to tell her then?” Quatre looked at him with pleading eyes. The Japanese boy nodded and smiled slightly. “Thanks Heero. Tell me how it goes.”
“I will.” With that Heero stood and walked out of the room.
Standing outside of Duo’s room, Heero debated on how he was going to tell her. But there was something else that he wanted to say, but didn’t feel right saying it. Wufei walked by and looked at Heero a moment. “Something the matter Yuy? Maxwell not answering the door?” There was a flash of worry in his ebony eyes but disappeared when Heero shook his head. “Then why are you just staring at the door?”
It was nice in a way for the four friends. After Trowa died, they all moved in with Quatre under the mutual agreement that they’d help each other through it, and none would leave till they were certain Duo would be ok. The former Wing Zero pilot sighed and looked at his friend. “I haven’t even knocked yet. I have something important to tell her that I’m not so sure how to break it to her.”
Wufei nodded slowly and looked to her door. “I’m going to the library. If you need help you’ll know where to find me.” Heero smiled minutely and the Chinese boy clapped a hand softly on his shoulder. “You’ll do fine Yuy. By the way… what is it you want to tell her?”
The breath he’d been inhaling got caught in his throat and he gagged. Wufei quirked an eyebrow and wondered how he should take that certain reaction he didn’t expect from the perfect soldier. “Oh… Quatre… he’s in the library. Ask him… I…”
The raven-haired boy nodded and turned away. “Good luck Yuy.” With that, the boy clad is solid white disappeared down the hall. Heero let out a long sigh, but didn’t look to the door. In his anxiety he hadn’t seen the door open slowly, and a curious Duo staring at him with wide blue amethyst eyes.
“Hee-kun?”
Heero spun about and almost frightened pools of deep sapphire stared at Duo. “Uh… Hi…” The girl giggled and shook her head. “Um… Can I talk with you?”
“Are you always this articulate? Of course… come in.” Duo smiled at her best friend giggling softly. Stepping aside she invited him in. Cautiously he stepped into her room and noticed that she’d been cleaning it up and rearranging things to match her personality better.
There was a smile on his face as he turned to her again while she closed the door. “I see you’re making yourself comfortable.”
“Of course. You guys seem to have made sure that I stay here a long time, so I might as well get comfy. Anyways, have a seat Heero. What did you need to tell me?” Heero swallowed hard and took a seat on the bed. She trotted over to the bed as well and sprawled out on it next to him like she always did when they roomed together. But this time, it wasn’t her that would do the talking; it was Heero, in a total turn of character roles.
“Well, Duo… you know how you’ve been really sick?” She nodded slowly in an open gesture of disgust. “Uh… When Sally did that check up on you the other day… she found out what was doing that to you.”
The brilliant eyes widened in anticipation. “It’s not some terminal disease is it? I just figured it was from the grief…”
Shaking his head he put a hand over her mouth. “It’s my turn to talk and no, you’re not dying and it isn’t from grief. Duo… you’re… well…” Duo blinked and tried to wait patiently.
“Damn Heero just spit it out!” She glared at him with an expectant look on her face.
“Fine… Duo you’re pregnant. Sally said probably two months along.” Heero watched her carefully and wondered how she was going to take it.
As if in pure shock she stared straight through him. “I’m… pregnant?” She swooned slightly and then looked down at her stomach. Placing a hand over it she winced. “I don’t know how to be a parent. What am I to tell my kid? Hey, you’re mom… she’s a girl-boy.” Her eyes widened and looked at Heero in worry and aftershock.
“Duo… you’ll make a wonderful parent…”
“Oh… what if the kid is deformed or something? I mean… I’m just not fit enough…”
Heero rolled his eyes and covered her mouth again. “Duo… You’re probably in better shape than any woman in this world. Plus… you’re gorgeous… and Trowa was very good looking. You’re kid is going to look so drop dead gorgeous you’ll be beating off girls and guys…”
A smile started to grace her rose colored lips. “You really think so Hee-kun?” He nodded and smiled back. “Hee-kun? Will you help me?”
He jumped slightly. He had no clue how to be a father figure. But then again, she had no idea how to be a mother either. In truth there was nothing he wouldn’t do for Duo. “Duo… before I agree… which you know I would… I have to tell you something. I just think you should know.”
Duo tilted her head in curiosity and smiled. “What is it Heero?”
“Duo I… I think… I think I’m in… lo--….” Her eyes widened as she listened to his stuttering voice. “I lo--… I love you…”
Something sent her over the edge and it wasn’t really rage or disgust that was in her voice. It was pure and utter surprise. “You WHAT?!”
~ When everything’s made to be broken
/ Whoa now. Loves me? When did this happen? Oh… think about this you nitwit. All those looks he gave you. He only smiled for you. Half the time he only talked to me… I suppose it’s not THAT surprising. Ok it still is. I was always so busy whining to him about my troubles and Trowa that I never paid attention to what he was thinking. Man am I dense or what? I should have known the ‘perfect’ soldier wouldn’t have played psychiatrist for no reason. This is truly a turn of events.
Heero cried for me. You know he was the last person I pictured crying? And what was worse was that those very tears were my fault. Ouch. Talk about getting burned emotionally for the thousandth time in a few weeks. I always wondered why Heero refused to come visit Trowa and I. Then he spends practically all his free time with me since he died. No he’s not looking for the rebound. Heero isn’t like that. Believe it or not, other than my naivety I know that boy pretty well. Little Odin Lowe Junior. Heh. I could make all my pilot friends sweat with all the information I know about them. But that isn’t the point right now. I’d never do that to them.
Now here’s the ordeal. I can’t say I don’t care about Heero… on the contrary I’ve always been drawn to him. But look at me… I’m a mess… I’m still in agony over loosing Trowa… And… I just don’t think I can return that emotion to him. There’s no way I could stop loving my Nanashi.
That’s not right? Am I missing the point? /
“God… I look like a cow.” Duo gave the silvery mirror a disapproving look as she peered at her profile. Behind her she could hear to people snickering. “What’s so funny!?” Hilde sat on the bed next to Katherine and both girls were trying desperately to smother their incessant giggling.
“Don’t worry about it Duo… Everyone in their ninth month looks like this. No one is going to make fun of you.” Katherine smiled a genuine smile in an attempt to cheer her sister in law up. Today they’d finally decided what the gender was going to be, and it turned out to be a boy. All of them were smiling, and the other pilots just looked nervous.
In the midst of Duo looking at the huge mound of a stomach the door opened to reveal a smirking Wufei. “Damn Maxwell… Wide load I see?” Before he knew what was coming three girls’ chunked pillows at his head. “Oof! Itai!” There was an eruption of giggles as he recovered and glared at them. “Onna! Injustice!”
Duo rolled her eyes and grinned cheekily. “Go rant at someone else Wufei. We would like some privacy.” The girls smiled innocently at him and the Chinese boy fumed.
“Kuso… Fine… Hilde… there’s a phone call for you down stairs.” Hilde nodded and stood up heading for the door. Wufei stormed off down the hallway and slammed his door.
Hilde giggled and shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll be back ladies! Don’t gossip any while I’m gone please!” Duo waved and Kathy just nodded still smiling softly.
Suddenly Duo turned to Kathy and walked over to her. “Katherine… I want to ask you a question.”
“Sure Duo, what is it?”
Sitting down, she shifted a bit trying to get comfortable. Placing a hand on the smooth stomach she smiled slightly before looking at Katherine again. “I want to ask you a favor… We all know… it’s gonna be a boy… And I want to know if I can give him Bloom for a last name.”
Katherine tilted her head to the side and peered questioningly at the American. “Why is that Duo? I mean, I don’t mind, I’m rather honored… but why?”
Taking a deep breath she smiled and closed her eyes. “Trowa would have liked that. Barton wasn’t his real name after all. I can’t very well give the child that name. And you are his only family. I know it sounds crazy but I know you two were really related. That’s why I think it’d be only right to give him your last name.” Kathy nodded slowly in understanding and smiled brightly. “Triton Bloom.” The smile faded into faint shock.
“Wh-what made you choose that name?” Kathy’s voice stammered as she looked at the girl beside her wide-eyed. “That was…”
“The brother you lost’s name? I know… Please just understand. It just seemed to fit for me.” Duo smiled warmly and slowly the tension faded from Katherine’s countenance.
“Alright… I am honored greatly. You’re right… Trowa would like that.”
“Glad to hear you agree! Now I feel better about it.” The two smiled and then jumped, as there was a knock at the door. “Come in…” Two sets of eyes rested on the door as it opened revealing Heero. Duo smiled softly. They’d been getting along rather well, and he’d been taking very good care of her. There were still nights that she’d cry herself to sleep and he’d patiently hold her and comfort her the entire time. “Hey Hee-kun!”
Nodding curtly he attempted to smile at the two of them. After a moment of silence he looked at Katherine and spoke softly and as gentleman like as he could. “Kathy, would you mind if I spoke with Duo a moment alone?” Katherine smiled and shook her head, getting up and heading for the door.
“Don’t mind at all. Duo, I’ll be downstairs with Hilde.” She smiled and waved before turning to leave. Duo smiled brightly and lay back on the bed.
“And to think I swore I’d never get obese.” The American snickered and cast her deep blue violet eyes on Heero. “What’cha need Hee-kun?”
The boy smiled at her childish charm and jumped onto the bed and began to tickle her. Instantly she began giggling and squirming, but to no avail. It was too hard to move so all she could do was wiggle and whimper for him to stop. Heero smiled boyishly and paused to look down on her. There was something different about his eyes that put her in awe of him. “Duo-chan… are you busy today?”
Blinking in slight surprise she looked at him curiously. “No, I don’t think so… Why do you ask?”
“I’d like to take you out. I mean… we just found out it’s gonna be a boy, and I think it’s grounds to celebrate.” There was a hopeful glow in his eyes as he stared down upon her intently.
In reaction to that soft warmth, Duo melted. Totally unintentionally… She had to mentally slap herself out of it. “Sure Hee-kun! Sounds like fun! What do you want to do?”
“Luckily, the doctor says no alcohol, so you can’t make me go broke on your expensive taste…” With that comment Duo whapped him over the head with the last pillow on her bed. “Oro… Gomen…” Duo smiled and nodded happily. “But anyways… I was thinking dinner and maybe going out for ice cream or something…”
Suddenly Duo beamed. “Ice cream???” Heero chuckled and nodded to her. “I’m up for it! Let’s go!” With that she was already heading out the door. “Meet you at the car!”
Heero gaped at the door and finally blinked. “Guess you don’t need to get ready.” A soft smile swept over his face and he slowly rose to his feet. [It’s so nice having her back to herself again.] Heading out the door he turned to shut off the light switch. Pausing he looked at the disheveled room and laughed. “Definitely back to her old self.”
It really wasn’t even a couple of weeks later that Duo went into labor. All of the pilots were pacing the floors like anxious expecting fathers that day. Kathy and Hilde were there and it took quite a bit of effort to get the boys to calm down. But when it came to the actual event, the only one that could get near Duo without getting hurt was Heero. During the excruciating pain it was his hand that she clinged to with all her strength. Of course, his hand was numb afterwards from her cutting off the blood flow for so long.
When it was finally over, three Gundam pilots beamed brightly as the baby was passed around. Duo just smiled and watched them turn to big teddy bears as they held her tiny baby in their strong arms. Tears stung her eyes but didn’t fall as she regretted that Trowa couldn’t hold his child like they could, but she reminded herself that that healthy beautiful bundle of joy was the last piece of him she had other than his possessions and the rings about her finger.
Finally the baby was handed to her and she gazed lovingly into the bright lively eyes. The color was somewhat odd but they were strikingly beautiful. There was a ring of deep indigo about the pupil that faded into a lighter ring of forest green. Blinking she finally leaned down and kissed the baby’s forehead gently. Duo was in complete awe of the child in her arms. “Hello my little Triton…” The baby cooed and gurgled softly squirming about. “Did you see that guys??? He smiled at me!”
The pilots laughed and nodded at her as they gathered about the bed. Katherine and Hilde stood to the back of the room smiling softly. Looking up, Duo beckoned for Kathy to come closer. “Come hold your little nephew Aunt Kathy.” The tall girl blushed and came to the bedside, taking the tiny bundle in her arms.
“He’s beautiful… Just look at this little tuft of hair on his head. It’s the same color as your hair Duo.” Duo and Katherine smiled at one another. The child in fact, did have hair when he was born, and a LOT of it at that. “Seems he got alot of your traits Duo-chan.”
“Hai… grinning like a maniac as well.” Wufei smiled and walked over to Kathy and smiled at the baby. Duo rolled her eyes and looked at Heero.
“I’m twenty years old Hee-chan… and I have a baby… Think anyone would still want me?” A flicker of a smile danced over his lips as he took her hand in his squeezing it lightly. “Think Trowa would be proud?” Her voice was merely a whisper and only he heard any of her words.
“He’d be crazy not to be… Duo-chan… You know no one could resist you… Or that beautiful bundle over there.” His gentle words made her shiver and grin from ear to ear.
“Thanks Hee-chan…” He nodded slowly and she turned back to the baby that Quatre was now holding and cooing to. This was definitely a sight. The world’s finest pilots cooing and goggling over a tiny baby. It was just too cute. At that moment, Duo wished she had a camera.
~ I just want you to know who I am
Jogging slowly around the local park track, Duo hissed for breath. [Come on Duo… It’s been two years… You should be in better shape than this…] Sucking in a deep breath she picked up the pace. Her lungs were burning with each breath and the muscles in her legs tingled. At this point she’d give anything for a reason to stop. “Momma!!!” The tiny little voice shocked her and she tripped over her own foot tumbling to the ground.
“ITAI!” The little toddler ran over to her and jumped on her back giggling inanely. “Hello Tri-chan.”
The child leaned over and looked into her eyes with his sparkling sea of royal blue and purple mixed with dark green. The rich chestnut hair hung lopsidedly over one eye and looked like a mini Duo with a Trowa hairstyle. The sight was enough to make Duo laugh softly. “Momma! You siwwy… Unca Quat said to come get you, that ten laps was ‘nough.”
Shaking her head she smiled and rolled over dragging the child onto her stomach. “Well… Uncle Quat needs to lighten up.” The child looked at her in pure puzzlement and she just grinned. Dragging the child into a loving hug she got to her feet cradling him to her.
“Where Unca Heewo?” Duo looked about and only saw Wufei and Quatre. Wufei was doing his daily exercises with his katana and Quatre was sitting on a bench reading a book. Now and again, a pair of ebony or aqua eyes would look up to make sure the tiny Trowa look alike was still with in sight.
“I dunno Tri-chan… he was here a minute ago.” Giggling Triton wrapped his short yet slender arms about her neck. In truth, the child was quite lanky for his age, only adding to his father’s likeness. Every time she looked at him she saw Trowa, and where you’d think it would make her sad, it merely made her extremely happy. She no longer had to depend on her memory to see Trowa; she only had to look at her pride and joy.
“Put me down Momma… I wanna go buwg Unca Wu…” Snickering, Duo gladly set the child down, and he bolted toward Wufei at amazing speed.
“Look out Wu-man!” Looking back, Wufei only had enough time to put his sword down, before the child thoroughly attached himself to Wufei’s leg. Duo laughed and ventured over to Quatre rubbing her sore knee from when she fell. “Thanks Quat… I needed to stop… I was starting to REALLY feel the burn.”
A golden eyebrow arched then he smiled. “I still don’t see why you don’t think you’re in shape. You look great the way you are. You couldn’t tell you’d had a baby.”
Duo shook her head and collapsed onto the bench next to her blonde friend. “That’s nice of you to say… Thanks…” The two smiled at each other and her eyes locked on the toddler playing with Wufei. “Who’d of thought that Wu was good with kids…”
“Know what you mean… But it’s nice… Triton has brought the life back into our lives that we lost.” Quatre smiled at the little uni-banged child then returned to his book.
Sighing she finally took her eyes off of her son and looked about. “Have you seen Heero?”
“He said he had to go shopping and to tell you that he’s sorry for leaving without you knowing. But it is rather hard to get your attention when you’re running like a mad woman. That’s why I sent Tri-chan after you.” Quatre smiled evilly but didn’t look up.
There was content in her smile as she watched the vision of her beautiful child dance about with graceful movements around the former pilot of Nataku. Soon the two were playing a game of Simon says… Of course… it was a guise because Wufei was really getting him to do the graceful slow dancing of martial arts. It was no surprise to any of them that he picked up fast and looked so natural. For, he was the son of two wonderful pilots. Her hands slid over her braid and she grinned. It had grown nearly a foot since she cut it. It had its impressiveness back again.
Things had changed. She had changed. There was a mature air about her that wasn’t there before. Sadly, you could see that she’d aged as well. But it was worth it. There was something else though. There was a warm feeling she felt whenever Heero was around. It was something she was getting used to and actually yearned to have around as well. Sighing she looked at her friends. They had changed as well. Wufei didn’t rant nearly as much, and turned to complete mush whenever Triton was around. Quatre didn’t change much, other than looking more grown up. The boyish charm had changed into a handsome gentleman.
Leaning back she looked up at the sky. For some reason, no one moved out of Quatre’s mansion. They all still lived there and Triton quite literally had three fathers. It didn’t bother her at all. She loved their company, and she couldn’t ask for better role models for him. Now only one thing remained that she wanted to settle. That feeling for Heero. She’d been wrong the time he confessed his feelings. It was indeed possible to love another, maybe not like she did Trowa, but just as much.
Heero sat on the cliff where he’d seen Duo sit a little over two years ago. It was here that he first cried in so many years. It was also here that he came to terms with the feelings he had for the braided American girl. Since he confessed his love, he hadn’t said it again. And to make him feel better, she hadn’t brought it up. Though, she did tease him off and on about no one wanting a twenty-two year old woman with a two-year-old kid.
Each time his reply was the same. Anyone who wouldn’t want her or that precious child was insane. Perhaps it wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but it always made her smile and blush lightly. Though, he never stopped loving her. She was his reason for getting up each morning. He had to admit though; the toddler was a good reason as well. Sometimes he wished Triton was his kid, but then, he was glad that he was Trowa’s. It made the four feel like he was still with them. Like they’d always have each other. He himself missed Trowa as well.
Sighing, he watched the water lap at the rocks below. A smile spread over his lips. That night, the waves had been fierce, but the emotional tension was high. Now, it was relaxed and calm, and all he needed was time to consider his plan. The day Duo took the wedding ring and engagement ring was a noted day indeed. She had placed them on a strong chain and simply stated that she wanted to keep them with her to remember him, but it was time to move on.
That’s when it was decided. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a black velvet box. Opening it, the sun hit the light gold diamond solitaire and sparkled. It was beautiful in the daylight, but he wondered if it was the right thing. “Ooo… Pretty… Hee-chan you shouldn’t have!”
Spinning about he came face to face with Duo. A grin spread over her face and she sat down beside him. “Duo… what are you doing here?”
“Looking for you of course. Whom might that engagement ring be for?” The grin widened as she studied his face. The normally stoic boy was now a light shade of red. This made her laugh in glee. “Oh! I made the perfect soldier blush! This is an event! Where is my camera when I need it?”
“Duo!” The Japanese boy looked completely flustered as he snapped the box closed. “You know you just ruined it for me. Now I can’t even have the benefit of the doubt.” He waited for her to say something but nothing came. She merely stared at him with an expectant smile. Taking a deep breath, he turned his body to face her. “Duo… I want you to know, I never stopped loving you. And if you could manage to accept a twenty-two year old former soldier, I would be honored if you would marry me.” He bit his lower lip hard as he opened the box again and held it out to her.
Fighting off the urge to giggle, she shook her head. He’d closed his eyes and looked like a frightened child. It was completely adorable. “I don’t know Heero… Who would want a woman with a two-year-old toddler?”
The deep blue eyes flickered open and he smiled. “I would.”
That was all she needed to hear and soon was sitting blissfully in his lap. “Then I think I would be happy to be the perfect soldier’s wife. I can get to like it.” The two smiled at one another and she kissed the tip of his nose. “Took you long enough. How long were you going to wait had I not caught you?”
Looking flustered he turned a lovely shade of crimson. “That’s not the point!”
Duo snickered happily and hugged him. “I know Heero… So… should you or I tell Triton that he’s gonna have a daddy Heewo instead of an Unca?” Heero smiled and lifted her chin lightly. She moved to speak but was soon cut off as he pressed his lips to her’s in a tenderness that she never knew he had in him. And for once, she understood why Trowa wasn’t afraid to leave her alone.
There was a gentle breeze sifting through the cemetery as Duo and Triton looked at the head stone. The little boy moved uneasily and looked up at his mother with wide brilliant eyes. “Momma… Why are we here?” Slowly she shook her head and let his hand go.
“I’ll tell you someday when you’re older. You can go wait with Uncle Quat, and them if you like. I don’t mind.” The child smiled and hugged her black clothed leg. After that he scampered off happily to the three boys hovering about Quatre’s car. Sighing softly, she turned her attention to the gravestone that read in large letters “Trowa Barton – AC 180 ~ 199”.
“Hey Tro… Did you know that’s your son? That’s Triton. Beautiful isn’t he? He’s a mixture of our good traits. I’ve yet to see a bad one…” Sinking to the ground she traced the smaller lettering underneath the larger ones and sighed. “I wish you could have known. I wonder what you would have thought.” There was a moment of silence. “You’d be surprised at all the things that have changed. The guys are so much more different now than they were before you died. The unthinkable has happened and they are falling into peaceful ways. It has a lot to do with little Triton that’s a given.”
Looking at the boys she smiled softly as they played a game of hide and seek with the little toddler, hiding in obvious places so that he could find them, and then pretend they couldn’t see him when he’d hide. “He’s a piece of heaven. It’s hard to believe that an angel of death gave birth to a being of light. Maybe that’s all due to the father.” A tiny smile crossed her lips. “I never told you a lot of things. Like you’re real name being Triton. Or that Katherine was your real sis. Or even that I was the real Shinigami in a different life. I was born to love you. I loved you before I was born.”
Pulling up a blade of grass she pursed her lips. “I’m doing as you asked. I’m trying to live. I think you’d be proud of me!” She smiled brightly and patted her stomach. “I even have the perfect girlish figure for a change. Well… with a few more muscles and things that normal women wouldn’t have.” A light blush tainted her cheeks.
Slowly she fidgeted with her braid again and thought silently. “I’m marrying Heero… You always knew he loved me, didn’t you? You always got jealous when he was around… I should have seen it. But silly naïve Duo never catches on. You knew I’d be ok… That’s why you told me to live… I’m right aren’t I?” Getting to her feet she winked at the grave. “I know that you’re not really in there… probably in heaven or something, but I want you to know a few things. I still love you. I still miss you. And even though I love Heero… and this is between you and I… You’re still cuter.” She grinned mischievously and brushed her jeans off. “It’s time to say good bye. When Triton is old enough, I’ll tell him about you… Maybe someday I’ll tell him about me. But whatever I do, I’m just thankful he’s a part of you. Good-bye my love. We’ll meet again someday. And you know, I never tell a lie.”
Nodding curtly she smiled in relief. It felt like an enormous burden had been lifted off her shoulders. Slowly she walked back to the car and all of her friends turned and smiled at her brightly. In moments, Triton was sprinting to her and she swept him up into her arms. Kissing his cheek, he wrapped his arms about her neck. Heero walked over to her and smiled. Slipping an arm about her waist, the four friends and their charge walked to the car. Peace was in their hearts, and nothing could make life any better. Duo smiled and felt a loving warmth envelope her. Looking over her shoulder she continued to smile. [I gave up forever to touch you… And you gave me forever to live… I love you… Always…]
~ I just want you to know who I am….
~*~ Owari ~*~
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