Notes: ~ indicates lyrics… ~*~ Scene change… / / indicates 1st person POV (generally this is for Duo’s POV) … [ ] indicate thoughts…
Disclaimers: I don’t own them… Please don’t sue… I’m really broke…
~ And all I can taste is this moment
Sitting in the cell, she curled up on the bench not really paying attention to the conversation at hand. Heero looked up at her with a touch of worry in his gaze, but did not act on his intuition. Wufei turned to her and glared. “Are you listening Maxwell?” He fumed and turned to Heero. “Does that idiot boy ever listen to important things or just gossip?”
“That’s enough.” Duo’s eyes shot up to catch sight of Trowa in the doorway. He was giving a stony glare to Wufei almost in warning for him to be kinder to the small pilot of death. Wufei moved uneasily then crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. Trowa smirked then continued to inform the pilots of the situation at hand. “This rogue Gundam is highly dangerous and I need a skilled pilot to help me face it.”
Something inside of her churned and without thinking she jumped to her feet to fight for a right to fight. The first glance he gave her was of fear, not wanting her to go out there and get hurt. Then he looked at her in mock disgust. “I’m better than 01! Let me go!”
Trowa frowned and then smirked finally seeing the chance he needed to deliver the info the doctors had given him on the upgraded Gundams. He walked over to his comrade and punches her in the stomach, not really intending on inflicting pain, just trying to make it look real. As he did, he whispered in her ear. “Stay here. I’ll come back for you.”
How she ended up living with Hilde, she’ll never know. Duo groaned softly as the dark haired girl dragged her into the circus. Since the Lunar Base, she hadn’t really cared for anything. And sadly, Trowa had broken his word. He hadn’t come back for her, and now she didn’t even know if he were alive. Looking around at all the happy couples her heart screamed in agony. This was the last place she wanted to be.
“Look! The big top performance is gonna start soon!” Hilde grabbed her arm and dragged her into the tent and soon they were seated and watching the performance. Well, Hilde was watching and Duo was droning.
Sighing softly Duo could only see visions of emerald before her eyes and hear the soft tenor saying in her ear that he’d be back for her. She felt the tears sting at her eyes and she choked them back. [I was born so I could be with you, and yet, I haven’t even been able to talk to you alone but once for a very short time. Now… you may even be dead.] The thought shot through her like a gun and she doubled over in pain.
Hilde really didn’t notice and began screaming in glee. “Oh man! That clown is so hot! I want to marry him!”
Duo looked up to see what her friend was talking about and her eyes fell upon the tall figure with the red brown bangs draping softly over one eye. Her heart skipped a beat and she jumped to her feet. “Stay here Hilde.” With that she ran off leaving Hilde to stare at her back in utter confusion.
Each breath was sheer agony as she ran with all her might to the dressing room for the employees. Upon reaching them she stumbled into the area and nearly exploded upon seeing Trowa. “Trowa! You’re alive!” Without thinking she ran to him and threw her arms about his neck.
The clown looked down upon her in shock. Through sheer instinct he placed a hand upon the small of her back. “Excuse me… Do… I know you?” Amethyst eyes rose to meet confused jade and she knew something was wrong. Taking a step back she wrapped her arms about herself.
“You don’t remember Tro-kun?” The boy shook his head and stared upon her hard as if trying with all his might to remember. Duo began to tremble uncontrollably as she took another step backward. “Dear God…”
“Who are you? What are you doing?” A girl with auburn hair marched in a flurry of anger and shoved Duo back causing her to stumble to the ground. Quickly hopping back up Duo looked at her at a loss for the ability to move. “You’re one of them aren’t you? Get out! Leave my brother alone!”
With one last look at Trowa she saw the sadness in his eyes. Like a look of a long lost lover trying to remember what the object of his affection looked like. Choking back the sobs she turned on her heel and ran for all she was worth. [I don’t know what’s worse… Him dying or not even remembering I exist!] She ran faster then all of a sudden she saw him standing a few feet in front of her. Trying to stop, she still collided into him.
Silently he helped steady her, then softly brushed the tears from her cheeks. She tried to remember when she had started crying, but she couldn’t. “Are you alright? I’m sorry… for how my sister treated you.”
Shivers ran through her body as she tried to calm herself down. “It’s ok. I understand.”
“What’s your name sir?”
Duo blinked a few times as the question finally seeped into her brain. She grimaced at being called sir, but shook it off. Sighing softly she decided this was better than nothing at all. “Duo… Duo Maxwell.”
Trowa smiled softly and once more ran a finger over her cheek causing her to tremble. “I am supposing you know me already. Forgive me, I don’t remember you.” Duo nodded slowly as their eyes locked together.
Swallowing hard she fought to break the contact, knowing where weakness would leave her. “I can’t stay…” He nodded slowly but never broke eye contact.
“Will I see you again? Maybe?”
Duo quivered and smiled brightly. “There isn’t a doubt in my mind. When it’s all over. I’ll come back to you. I promise.”
Trowa smiled again warmly then kissed her forehead softly. Honestly, he didn’t know what drove him to do so, but it just seemed to make sense at the moment. And never had something felt so right.
~ And all I can breath is your life
Standing on Peacemillian, Duo felt at ease for the moment. There was a pang in her heart though. Trowa was back, but not because of her. He had returned due to the sweet and kind Arabian Quatre. She held no ill will towards Quatre, she was just jealous that he sparked Trowa’s memories and not her. Sighing softly she dropped her head with a thud onto the cold metal of Deathscythe Hell’s foot. “How lovely. I can’t even live right.” She ran a finger over the smooth metal. “Seems it’s just you and me aiboo.”
“Don’t get too attached to an instrument of war Duo.” Looking up slowly her eyes met up with the prussian ice of Heero Yuy’s eyes. “What’s bothering you?”
Duo blinked in surprise then looked away. “And what do I owe the honor of Mr. Perfect soldier boy worrying about me?”
Heero glared coldly at her a moment. “You can’t fight in this state of mind.”
Her heart sank heavily. She should have known Heero wouldn’t have cared about how she was feeling or what was bothering her. “I can deal Hee-kun.” The tone was icier than planned, and caused the blue eyes to widen as they looked at her.
Everything inside of him wanted to reach out to the other pilot, but training caused him to refrain. “Suit yourself Duo.” Turning, he started to walk away when Duo placed a hand on his shoulder. Startled he spun about. “Nani?”
“Heero… please don’t leave me here alone.” Heero blinked at his comrade and nodded slowly. Without hesitation she threw herself against him and cuddled up against his chest. “I want… to tell you something Heero… please… don’t hate me or think less of me.”
In total shock, Heero wrapped his arms about the petite pilot and one hand about the silken braid. “Hai… nani-o?”
In a sobbing rage Duo revealed to her partner that she was really a girl. She even admitted her love for Trowa and the pain that she felt over his coming back for Quatre. Clinging to him she spoke on how alone she felt and how much she needed someone to talk to. Really talk to. And he just listened to her. He didn’t interrupt her and he didn’t show any sign of disgust. Holding her tightly he didn’t let go. He continued to cling to the braid and rub her back gently. In time Duo stopped crying and they just stood there in total silence.
In her agony she hadn’t noticed Trowa walk up and hide in the shadows just as she halted her tears. He gazed upon them stonily in what felt like anger. True, he hadn’t told anyone that he’d come back for the self proclaimed god of death, but it should have been assumed on his (mind you Trowa still thinks Duo is a guy) part. The heat rose within him as he turned and walked away. This was unacceptable, and for once, he was going to tell him so.
Duo leaned heavily against the wall just inside the door to her quarters. In a way she felt utterly relieved at having finally told so much to someone she trusted. Heero had been so surprisingly understanding. Calmly he took in the fact that she was a girl and promised not to reveal that important fact, realizing how loud Wufei would yell.
Slowly she slid down the wall and pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms about them. Heero had told her that if she needed him, she knew where to find him. Honestly, she wasn’t all that certain, but she knew she could find him eventually. Drowned in her thoughts, she dropped her face into her knees and fought off the tears. This was really not like her. Crying at the drop of a hat.
In the midst of her bickering mind, she didn’t hear the door open slowly and a tall slender figure walk in. Eyes that seemed lifeless bore into her with such extremity that she finally looked up. There to her amazement stood the one person she gave up eternity for. Trowa stood unmoving and seemingly untouched by any emotion. He was the picture of emptiness. “Duo…”
Moving uneasily her mind raced with questions. Why was he here? Why is he looking at her that way? Shouldn’t he be with Quatre? Why was she getting so choked up about this? “H-hai…?”
Closing his eyes he sat into a chair in the darkened room. Crossing his legs he seemed like he had no intention of speaking, but did anyways. “I see now why you had to leave last time we met.” The bitterness fringed the words perfectly to emphasize the double meaning. Not only was he referring to her being a Gundam pilot, but also he believed she was running back to the perfect soldier, Heero Yuy.
“Aa… Being a Gundam pilot is very hard.” The quiet tone of her voice was far out of character and Trowa looked at her curiously.
“Is there any other reason why you are here?” Oddly enough the question sounded completely innocent.
“There are many reasons as to why I fight.”
“Would one be love?”
Violet blue eyes shot up to his face as she gaped at him. [Duo Maxwell… I may run and hide but I never tell a lie… It seems I’m stuck…] “Love is truly a noble reason to fight I believe.”
“But is it your reason?”
“Partially.” Slowly she fidgeted with the end of her braid hoping the conversation would end here on this note.
“I see.” He stood slowly and walked toward the door quietly.
“Where… where are you going?” Lurching forward, she somehow ended up on her knees before the stoic pilot.
“I have no right to interfere since you love him.” The cold voice tore through her as she inadvertedly shifted her weight against his leg. Emerald eyes widened as he stared down upon her.
“Him? Who… I have no one… only friends… True, I love them. But I have no one to hold my heart.” Her voice choked and accidentally hit a high note, even though she had thoroughly trained it to stay in a deep tone.
Blinking in surprise Trowa kneeled down in front of her and looked into the misted orbs of amethyst. “What about Heero?”
In a daze, she merely shook her head. “What about him? He’s my best friend…” She watched the realization sweep over his face and the relief replace it.
A soft smile swept over his face as he placed two fingers gently beneath her chin and used his other hands to run gentle elegant fingers through her bangs. Pausing a moment he looked puzzled and then a hint of happiness crept into his eyes. “You know… I came with Quatre… cause I wanted to see you again. I just didn’t want to wait. When you saved me in space, even though I’ve put you through hell… I was thrown into awe of you. Please, I need to know… could we have a chance?”
Joy tainted with agony crept into her eyes. It seemed he didn’t see the agony though, fore people never see what they don’t want to see when they are so hopeful. A smile danced brightly over her face and she winked at him. “I think just maybe. Maybe.”
“Maybe is better than no.” Trowa continued to smile as he leaned down to take her lips in a gentle kiss. Like intoxication, Duo lost all sense for a moment. Wrapped up in the warmth of that chaste symbol of love, her dream was so near to coming true. Then as she felt his arms slide about her waist she came to the realization as he attempted to pull her to him, that he didn’t know she was really a girl.
Panic flooded her and she pulled out of the kiss to pretend she needed to breath. A mock embarrassed smile swept over her heart shaped face as she looked into his face. “We need to get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us. Plus…” She stopped and quickly thought of a reason for him to leave. “I’m getting over a bad cold and I don’t want you to get sick. And don’t forget… Heero is my roommate. He wouldn’t appreciate walking in to see us like this.”
Trowa nodded and seemed to look like he understood. She slowly rose to her feet and he followed. A hand ran softly over her cheek as Trowa brushed his lips against her’s one last time. “Sweet dreams… my little Shinigami.”
Happily she kissed his cheek and nodded. “Same to you. Good night.” With those words said, he smiled at her and disappeared through her door.
~ And then sooner or later it’s over
/ Why hadn’t I thought this far ahead sooner? I never dreamed he’d actually come to me. Much less that he would love me. Now all I can do is run from intimate situations. If I were him, I’d be fed up with it. But instead he’s remained patient, assuming that I was scared of being touched in such ways. To be honest, I would be that way to an extent, but I would have gotten over it a long time ago. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t want him to leave. I just can’t get over how patient he is.
Often times as I run away, I wonder if he could love me for who I am. You know, the real me. The fact that I’m a female whether I like it or not. Heero keeps telling me that I need to stop hiding it and just tell him. But I’m scared. I’m afraid he’ll leave me. But sooner or later he will. Because even he can’t go forever without being able to touch the person he loves intimately.
So sometimes I avoid situations where we are alone. It’s not that hard really during war. He regained his memory while flying Wing Zero. That was a dramatic scene. Quatre and I had to back him up. When he started loosing it, I didn’t know what to do. How can the embodiment of death show a person life? So, guess who help him through it. Oh go ahead, take a wild guess. Not hard huh? It was yet again, Quatre. I love that blonde, but he gets down right annoying sometimes. Quatre plans to save the entire universe with his kind heart. Excuse me while I gag. Ok, ok. I love him. He’s a best bud, but everyone has his or her quirks that we can’t stand. Quatre just happens to know how to help my beloved all the time, when I’m totally clueless. Guess the only thing Quatre has against him is that he nearly killed the poor guy. And if I hear him say he’s sorry one more time I’m gonna clobber him.
Can’t a girl have a break? Well, this is my own fault. I was the one desperate to get the Gundam pilot job. No turning back now. I’m just glad Trowa hasn’t seen or heard Heero and I talking again. That would definitely be bad. I think I hug Heero closer to me than the person I gave up my wings for. How sad. It truly is very sad. /
“Heero… What am I going to do?” Duo hung upside down off the side of her bed, braid sweeping the floor with her every slight movement. Wide amethyst eyes stared at the perfect soldier’s back unmoving.
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times. Just tell him Duo. If he really loves you, then he’ll not care whether you’re a girl or a guy. Stop whining about the what ifs and do something about it. You deserve better than this run around.” Heavy cobalt eyes moved to look straight into her eyes of violet blue. For a moment she saw a sort of longing within them.
Uneasily she shook the feeling off and looked up at the ceiling realizing that the blood had rushed to her head. She sat up quickly, his eyes still on her heavily, and swooned somewhat dizzily. In a moment, he was there steadying her and holding her tight. “Thanks Hee-kun. You’re so kind to me.” She laughed weakly. “Who’d have thought the perfect soldier to be so kind and caring?”
Heero smirked lightly. [Only for you Duo.] He cradled her softly and attempted to sound somewhat defiant. “Whatever silly baka. You shouldn’t be hanging upside down anyways. You know that it’s not healthy.”
“And to think I wonder what it would be like to have parents.” Vibrant eyes looked up at him and winked slowly. “I’ll keep that in mind.” A knock on the door interrupted them and two sets of eyes hit the offending panel of gray. “Who is it?”
“It’s Trowa.”
Instantly Heero released her and was soon in front of the laptop again typing away. Duo smirked then grinned madly. “Come on in Tro-kun!” The door opened slowly as the lithe form stood in the doorway. He didn’t move, nor even say anything to her.
“We’ve been called to assemble in the strategy room.” Without another word Heero stood and brushed past Trowa heading for the place in question. Trowa paused and looked to Duo awaiting her to get to her feet. To his dismay she didn’t move. “Coming?”
Suddenly her stomach knotted. She didn’t want to go. [Alright Duo… Duty calls. Stop being such a sissy.] Nodding slowly she got to her feet and swooned slightly. Trowa moved to go to her aide, but she waved him off. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.” She grinned her normal grin and staggered slowly to the door.
Trowa wanted to reach out and touch her. But this time he didn’t give in. With a swift turn he walked away from her, not bothering to look back or answer the pleading eyes that wondered why he didn’t walk with her. “Good… remember there is a war going on.”
In shock, she stopped dead in her tracks. Mouth gaping, she couldn’t believe what she just heard. As he disappeared from sight she dropped to her knees and fought off the tears. “I knew…” The quivering voice was soft, but it still reached Trowa’s ears as he stood in hiding just up ahead trying to see what reaction she would have. “He’d give up on me sooner or later. But now… I…” A soft whimper escaped her lips that made the taller pilot wince. “I just don’t know how… to tell him why I am how I am…”
~ I just don’t want to miss you tonight
Flying slowly across the battlefield in space, Scythe’s wing like shields closed over the five mad doctors, Duo wondered where the other’s were. Slowly it dawned on her that Heero was more than likely fighting with his archenemy Zechs Merquise, Wufei was fighting his nemesis Treize Khushrenada, and Quatre was surely working hard on disabling the zero system mobile dolls. Now the question remained as to where Trowa was.
Enemies soon noticed her flight and began closing in. Grimacing she called out to the doctors as she ignited her beam scythe. “You’d better hold on, cause I’m not holding back. Surviving is your problem.”
“Don’t worry about us. We’ve been prepared to die for a long time.” J called out to her as they clung to her aiboo more tightly than before.
Smirking she cried out with sardonic glee. “Watch out! The God of death and the Gods of plague are here!” With this cry, she threw Deathscythe Hell into combat, tearing through a few mobile dolls and struggling to compensate for the shields hindering the mecha’s performance. [What a liar I am. If I weren’t holding back, I’d be bringing out the full potential of my aiboo…] Grimacing she contemplated letting the doctors float around in the dark cold of space. [Oh, what a tempting thought.]
A shower of beam shots brought her from her malicious thoughts as well as the vid screen popping up to show Rashid. “We’ll hold them off here. Please get moving. You have more important things to do.”
Duo grinned and saluted. “Thanks bud!” With that she catapulted her Gundam toward the wreckage of Peacemillian. Halting at a tear in the hull, she spread the mecha’s bat like wings and stretched out a hand. The doctors crawled out the length of the arm and waved slightly. “Now stay out of trouble. You’re no longer my responsibility.”
“Right. Now get moving.” G snarled as he walked off.
“Don’t have to tell me twice!” She then fired her thrusters and shot backward into space. Somewhat distracted she threw herself into battle, never leaving the Peacemillian, Libra area. As she began to drone off the vid screen popped up to show the platinum blonde pilot panting and gasping for help. There was a silent plea for help written plainly on his face. “Coordinates?”
Quatre smiled and pressed a few buttons slowly. “Thank you.”
As the data uploaded Duo gave her trademark Shinigami grin. “No prob, be there ASAP!” The screen went blank and she wheeled Scythe about and went at full speed into the hull of Peacemillian. She sliced through much of the metal hue, knowing that the hunk of steel was dropping quickly to the earth. Even if she’d been slightly out of it, she was fully aware of what was going on. Soon, she encroached upon her friends, whom were blasting away various parts of the ship. In time, she spotted Quatre, the Magunacs, Heero and Zechs fighting, and Trowa.
Things happened so quickly, she really couldn’t keep up. Soon, Merquise was playing hero and the two large masses were exploding from the ruptured reactor. Lagging slightly behind, Duo wondered if Heero would make it out on time. Little did she know, that she herself was in grave danger just sitting there like a baka. Explosions ruptured through her ears and caused her to blank out. Without even realizing it, Deathscythe Hell was shoved with massive force out of the humongous exploding ship. After a few stunned moments, Duo looked to see who had catapulted themselves into her and shoved her aiboo into safety. Blinking she saw the gleaming red and white Gundam Heavy Arms.
“What is your problem Duo? You nearly blew up with the ship there.” The hardened features of Trowa Barton stared coldly upon her making her shiver.
“I’m sorry.” It really wasn’t meant to be heard, but he heard it anyway. Trowa frowned hard and flicked the screen off. In all truth he was pissed at her beyond belief, but he wouldn’t allow her to get killed. So, Duo had a secret and was keeping it from him. And until she confessed, he wasn’t going to cut her any slack, no matter how hard it was for him. Duo reached out and touched the screen and quivered. [Looks like I’ve screwed everything up between us. He probably thinks I was swooning over Heero again.] Angrily she slammed a fist down and only broke her chain of anger when she saw the piece of Libra, hurtling towards earth.
“Kuso!” Wufei’s voice was heard, but it was realized that Heero was the only one close enough to save the earth. Duo bit her lip, then smiled as Heero flew down with the grace of an eagle and poised the Zero Gundam to use his buster rifle on it. Without any doubt, she knew he’d pull through. After all, he is the perfect soldier.
TBC...
On to Part 3
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