Genre: Song Fic (Iris – Goo Goo Dolls)
Warnings: hints at Shounen ai… alteration of GW characters… severe angst… eventual death fic… Gomen nesai mina-san… AU sorta…
Notes: ~ indicates lyrics… ~*~ Scene change… / / indicates 1st person POV (generally this is for Duo’s POV) … [ ] indicate thoughts…
Disclaimer: I don’t own GW… Though I’d love to!!!!!
~ I’d give up forever to touch you
For the angel of death, there is no time difference. What happened yesterday may very well be what happened to day. When a baby is born, it could see who that child was going to be. All were the same and thus inflicted no emotion upon this desolate creature. But once there were a few individuals that impinged upon the blackened façade of death. No longer was there the deep emptiness that coursed through the very identity of this reaper of life.
One might stop and question the idea of death falling in love. After all, death is truly neither a he nor a she. But for all purposes we prefer to see this being as a male of strength and dignity. Therefore, this Shinigami will be as stated, the God of Death. Who could possibly seep into the very essence of this angelic being? But a mere child destined to have no future. A pale and fragile beauty hidden beneath a stoic and cold façade. And thus this story begins. Of one who has forever in the palm of his hand, then gives it up, just to see, to touch this hardened heart that locks away a love deeper than the deepest ocean yet to be recorded.
/ When I saw him, I just knew. Looking into those big warm eyes, the infant captured my heart. But the more I reveled in the feel of the moment, the more my mind slipped into his possible future. And I knew who he was going to be. The color of his red brown hair to the deep fathoms of hunter green that would be his eyes. When I felt that encroaching love and warmth I quivered in fear. Oddly enough, I couldn’t see past his fifteenth year of life. It was strange. I would watch his life over and over again. I would watch the tearing pain sear his heart and leave him empty like a child without a mother or father to call his own. Funny, this was so very true. He had no one. Not even a name to call his own. He was merely Nanashi, no name. For some reason this made me cry. I cried so much. The angel of death isn’t supposed to cry. I wanted so badly just to reach out and hug him. But I knew, to touch him in my state would merely rip his life away from him. I couldn’t do that to this fabulous creature.
I watched those evil men hurt him, spat upon him beating him coldly. Then I would seethe over how they would ravage his body like he was a mere toy. I hated them. Everything about them. Death would have its revenge, you can count on that. I would look for every opportunity to steal the life from their very lungs and choke them of their once powerful life force. And I would do it in the most painful way I could possibly think of in order to quench the searing hate I felt at that moment.
I knew, that this wasn’t normal. How could it be? Death wasn’t supposed to have emotions. And those that knew me knew that I had fallen into the human understanding. This was unheard of. Thus, they proposed an offer to me. I could continue my immortality as the angel of death, or I could be reborn a human. A simple choice, but my heart yearned to hold onto both. So, I decided to go to this being, freeze time in order to just talk to him. To finalize the yearning in my heart. /
~ Cause I know that you’d feel me somehow
A wide wingspan of ebony bat like wings cupped at the air as the lithe form they adorned touched down on solid ground. Athletically cut legs took long graceful strides forward over the cool metallic ground as the webbed like wings folded neatly upon the creature’s back to rest. Endless pools of blackened amethyst searched lightly over the area at hand. A light shift of air ruffled the long chestnut hair that spilled over the person’s shoulders, chest, and back like a cascading waterfall.
In the shadows the demonic looking angel walked, searching for something, or perhaps someone in particular. And then the movement stopped. There ahead of itself at the feet of a tall mecha was a tall lanky form crouched next to a toolbox searching for his tools. A smile played with the corners of the death angel’s lips as the black clad figure stepped closer.
The other paused and slowly rose from his searching. Years of being abused caused him to be very alert as to noises and just the feeling of another’s presence. Sharply the tall boy spun about and dull emerald eyes locked onto the foreign figure. The angel moved a bit startled at the fact that the boy could see it. He realized now that the boy called Nanashi was at the age of thirteen or so and had already acquired the deep look of emptiness. “Who are you?”
The angel of death paused and considered speaking. It was known to the death like figure that the object of it’s affection had a preference to guys so it decided to offer the name the angel of death was often referred to. “Shinigami.”
Nanashi blinked in utter surprise then his features became blank once more. Jaded eyes ran over the folded onyx colored wings and then shrugged. Death didn’t scare him. No, he wanted to die. Life just wasn’t worth it to him. Shinigami winced as it experienced the bitter feelings within the wraith like form. The angel yearned to reach out and touch him, but that would mean certain death to the lovely angel like being. “What do you want with me?”
[I just want to touch him. He’s so beautiful…] The angel of death moved to speak but noises silenced it and then stepped back into the shadows as a group of ranting men began to walk determinedly toward the stoic boy without a name. But this time, Nanashi wasn’t aware of their approach and had no time to react. He cursed himself for being weak as the three men wrestled him to the floor and tore at his clothing. For a moment he wished that he could stare into the depths of purple highlighted hematite that he had just seen. Those eyes had been so full of love and it panged his heart as he closed his eyes and gave in to the assault that was upon him. Shinigami froze in horror. [Oh God… no…]
Once more anger rip through the angel’s consciousness as it watched in utter pain. “No…” Whispering softly, it watched them pull off the remaining clothing. “No… not this time…” The voice grew louder as it stepped out of the shadows revealing itself in the full light of the area. “You will not live to see the light of day.” Once handsome features twisted in bitter filled anger, as it walked with light steps toward the slowly realizing men huddled over the silent teen. “Let him go.” Words spoken so clearly were only emphasized as the blackened wings unfolded and spread to their full majestic span above them.
They trembled in fear at the winged beauty above them, but the naked boy upon the floor merely gazed upon the angel in awe. Without hesitation, the angel of death spun about allowing its wings to knock the men to the ground in disheveled heaps. One by one it walked up to them and laid a hand upon their suffering foreheads. Each would gasp in pain and slowly the light in their eyes would fade away. A sardonic grin played upon its countenance as it slowly drew the life from the last one, not noticing the slender hand reaching out to brush a fingertip over an ebony wing. Hearing a soft yelp, it turned about in fear to look at the slender beauty as the boy coiled into a heap in pain. “No… You… shouldn’t touch me…”
Nanashi looked up at the death angel with warm emerald eyes sending the angel a step back. “I had to. I had to feel you somehow.” His lip quirked slightly as he attempted to smile still grasping the throbbing hand. “Will I die now?”
For once, the angel didn’t know. But it knew, that unless it chose to become human, it could never quell the need to touch that beautiful youth. And also, touching him was like snakebite and would eventually kill him. An agonizing and painful death. Shinigami shivered in emotional pain. Time would be turned back if only it chose to be with its love. So, it was decided. “You’ll be fine little one.” The angel smiled and spread its wings once more. “I have to go. We’ll meet again. I promise.” The elegant wings slowly flapped and lifted the figure from the cool floor. As it rose it barely noticed the stoic boy mouth the simple and blissful words… thank you.
~ You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
/ How was I to know that I’d be punished for my acts in that singular moment? Fine, I did know that there would be consequences, but I wasn’t sure what. All I knew was that now that I’d seen him and felt the tender brush of his hand upon my wing, I knew that I only wanted to be near him. To breath the same air as him. They told me, that I would have no memory of my former life as an angel during my child hood, and perhaps my entire life. But it was possible for things to spur my memory back into totality. It didn’t matter; soon I’d be able to be in the same realm as the one thing that was truly heaven to me. Thus I was reborn on earth in the year A.C. 180. And had I remembered anything, I would have been dismayed by the fact that I was reborn a female. So much for being Shinigami. And so begins the angel of death’s life as a mere mortal upon human soil. /
Bright blue eyes tinted with amethyst looked blankly into the eyes of a parting friend. Solo had been the one that had raised the child for as long as could be remembered. Something sparked in those steady pools of royal blue and purple eyes as the life was sapped from the very body of the closest friend one could ever ask for. “Solo… From now on my name will be Duo, because you’ll always be with me in my heart.” Slowly the child now dubbed Duo, stood up and turned sending long chestnut hair that reached the center of her back, flailing about. No one knew this child was a girl, save Solo, and now even he was gone. Watching him die had suddenly sent a rush of bitterness into the tiny girl. She clenched a fist and knew that from now on it was up to her to save the kids that had put their trust in her and Solo. There was no allowing death to get its hands on the poor children whom had no homes.
By chance, Duo and the kids met a kind priest whom took them in. Thus, two more people learned that Duo was a girl. A man called Father Maxwell, and a woman known as sister Helen. But even this happiness was short lived as life was stripped from the only two parental figures she’d ever known. They had asked her once, why she didn’t wish to be revealed as a female, and she had merely stated that girls were weak and she refused to allow people to underestimate her. The two had laughed and shook their heads and humored her. The day that sister Helen died in her arms was the day something within her awakened. A mere child of eight years finally realized why she believed in Shinigami. For at one point in time, she was that very death angel.
The finding had only reminded her of why she was now a human. She was here for a reason. And it was vital that no one else knew that she was in fact a girl. Perhaps by mere coincidence she met Doctor G, whom trained her to pilot the monstrosity known as Deathscythe. In the year A.C. 195, she descended to earth under the cover of stealing the precious black mecha. With her she took the secret of her identity. Even without her powers as the real Shinigami, she was truly a vision of death. Those that had abused her and stripped her of her innocence did not live to tell about their findings. No one would know who she really was.
Running into the boy named Heero had intrigued her. The boy she remembered from a long forgotten dream, and the intense eyes of prussian blue only reminded her of three others that had haunted her being. One in particular, even though his face wasn’t clear in her mind. All she could hear was his voice, and all he would say was “I had to touch you somehow.”
Soon, she found herself attached to the mission oriented soldier boy, even though he made a habit of calling her a braided baka. She treasured that braid. It was one of two things she had left from sister Helen. The other being a gold cross she’d taken from about the deceased nun’s neck. How could that had made her feel. It numbed her heart, but they were the only two possessions she had left. The last and final important thing to her was her name. Duo Maxwell. Each held the memory of the only other two important people in her life. Sometimes she’d cling to her braid and cry herself to sleep. Little did she know that Heero had sat and watched her that entire night wondering in the depths of his mind, what could hurt the braided pilot so much?
One fateful day, she and Heero met the other three Gundam pilots. But only one had grasped her attention. It was the voice of the pilot within the red and white Gundam dubbed Heavy Arms, and suddenly, she could see his face. The deep emerald eyes and the sweeping red brown hair over one side of his face. She froze within the cockpit on the New Edwards base and gawked at the image of Gundam 03. “Nanashi…” She hadn’t realized that her com was open and a vid screen popped up to reveal the very teens face that had plagued her dreams and thoughts for so long.
Quietly he observed the pilot of Gundam 02 but no emotion encroached upon his features. “Do I know you?” Somewhere deep inside he felt something as he looked at the longhaired pilot. The other boy just shook his head and Trowa switched off the screen after one more quick glance. “I think… I do…”
~ And I don’t want to go home right now
Duo stood decked out in her usual black staring up at the video screen that broadcasted the news to all of the colonies. The black baseball cap she wore was pulled down to hide her eyes of cobalt behind it and her long chestnut bangs. If it hadn’t been for Heero, she would still be locked up on that oz base in the brig. What a lovely thought really. It truly pissed her off; fore she’s always had such a fantastic temper, even as the angel of death. Blinking lazily at the broadcast, it didn’t catch her attention until it flashed a picture of their newest trainee from the colonies. There upon the screen was displayed a picture of the stoic pilot Trowa Barton. “What the hell?”
Some people turned to look at her and she just smiled arrogantly and jabbed her hands in her pockets. The people finally looked away and she returned her gaze to the screen. This was a display of the testing of the pilot’s abilities in order to join forces with oz and fight for the so-called “peace” of the colonies. “And for the final test, we request that our pilot please destroy this Gundam…” The announcer droned off as the debris cleared to reveal the object of friendship in the lithe girl’s form. It was Deathscythe.
“Dear God… No… not aiboo…” The soft voice escaped as a mere whisper and she clenched a pale slender hand over her rapidly beating heart. “You’ll make it aiboo… I promise.” She gasped as Trowa took the space Taurus’ beam rifle and then pulled the trigger on her friend and partner. As pieces pealed away from the once noble black mecha, the crowd turned to hear the outraged scream escape the teen in black’s lips. “Nooooooooo!!!”
With little left to live by, Duo ran at full speed into the darkness, aimlessly looking for release that she wouldn’t find. [How could you do this to me Trowa? Are you that heartless…? No… not my Trowa… my little Nanashi…] Tears streamed down the pale smooth cheeks for the third time in her entire life as she collapsed to the hard cold ground of her once home colony L-2.
Bitterly, Duo gazed through her sunglasses at all the young teens in the small café in which she sat. “For the peace of the colonies! As if…” Her muttering was interrupted by a low alto voice that was totally intent on breaking her train of thought.
“It is for the peace of the colonies! You should put forth more effort for your home.” The sunglasses slipped to the end of her nose as she gaped at the girl before her in the cadet uniform of oz.
A smirk spread over her elfin face as she looked over this wannabe soldier. “Yeah sure. Whatever you say officer…” She cut herself off in order to insinuate that she wanted the officer’s name.
“Officer Hilde Schbeiker!” She handed Duo an application then saluted. “You should look into it buddy, we need young guys to fight for us as well as women. Recruits report for duty in a week.”
Duo fought off the urge to laugh. “Sure thing, see ya there babe.” Hilde smiled triumphantly and trotted off out of the human Shinigami’s sight. “You better believe I’ll be there…” Her voice quieted as she became lost in thought. [Perhaps… I could see him again this way… I just have to!]
Grumbling under her breath Doctor G shoved her into the waiting arms of the oz soldiers. She wanted to think that she’d done all this work for nothing, but the idea of getting her aiboo back new and improved thrilled her completely. Of course, being that she just recovered from her last bout with oz, the pain from the pounding she just received from Master O was excruciating.
“Well, well. Aren’t we the cute little pretty boy.” An officer reached out and grabbed her braid and tugged on it pulling her backwards. Inwardly she winced, but she only frowned in dismay and glared at the soldier. The soldier looked at the guy beside him and grinned sadistically. “Perhaps we should have a little fun with him before we through him in with the other two.”
Duo felt panic rise in her throat. First a pounding in the mobile suit, then by Master O, and now she had to worry about them sexually harassing her and finding out her true gender. But she was cut off as a voice broke up their conversation. “I don’t think that would be wise officers.”
Heads turned to see the tall slender officer with the sweeping bangs, leaning against the wall where they had just passed. [Nanashi!] Duo’s eyes widened then she quirked an eyebrow in question. [Where the hell did he come from?] Trowa smiled and walked up beside Duo and glared heavily at the other two soldiers. “Officer Barton, we were just taking the prisoner to the brig…”
“I know very well what you were doing. You’re dismissed.” They moved to argue but knew better. This was Colonel Une’s pet and not to be question. With out words they saluted and ran off as quickly as they could. He paused a moment and then turned to face her with empty emerald eyes. “Hello Duo Maxwell.”
Caught up in his gaze she finally realized two things; one, she forgot to breath, and two, he was talking to her. “Trowa Barton…” Blinking slowly she somewhat gawked at him then muttered, “Nanashi…”
Trowa blinked in utter surprise then shook his head as he saw something familiar about her. “You’re too cocky baka.” Once again she winced this time more visibly and he looked at her with sympathy. “I won’t let them touch you. I promise.” A gentle smile spread over her face and he attempted to smile back. “Let’s go.” She nodded slowly and they began the journey to the brig.
TBC...
On to Part Two
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