Author: Nikki (JediUne@aol.com)
Pairings: 2+3
Time: Episode 36 though I rewrote a bit (understatement)
Rating: PG
Archive: My site when I get it one ^_^ and the contest site. Anywhere else is fine with me! Just let me know where it is.
Warning: Shounen-ai, curses
Key:
*Thought*
~(-Point of View-)~
~Time~
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. Don't sue me, I'm poor.
~Chapter One~
~Episode 36-ish~
~(-Hilde-)~
I'm sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels on TV and trying to ignore the unusual silence. Usually, between Duo and me the house is pretty loud, music blasting so loud the neighbors would complain. Right now I wouldn't mind hearing Mrs. McNeil's complaints, it would be something, this is driving me insane! [1]
Duo's just looking off into the distance, staring out the window as if nothing was wrong, or everything was wrong...I can never be sure with him. I sigh and tap him on the shoulder. He blinks and turns to me.
"Sorry Hil', did ya say somthin'?" he asks.
I sigh. "No, not a thing. Are you okay? You've been staring out that window for an hour now! What's wrong?"
Duo shook his head and slapped on his signature smile.
"Nothin'!" He says. "You're over-exaggerating, it hasn't been an hour. I was just...Thinking"
"About what?" I ask, sitting next to him.
He shrugs and turns back to the window.
"Nothin' much" he says. But his smile fades. "...Ian..."
I pull his head to my shoulder and he sighs.
"What happened with Ian?" I ask softly.
"Well for one, he's cheating bastard" Duo says.
"I'm sorry," I say, it's all I can think to say.
Ian and Duo had been dating for the little time we've lived here. Duo found me after he escaped from the Lunar Base. We've been running a small repair business since. Ian was a customer that Duo fell madly in love with.
Naturally I hated the guy. Duo was my best friend, seeing him with a jerk like Ian was just tore my heart in two.
"That's all right," Duo breathes. "He was an ass hole, wasn't he Hilde?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry I was right"
Duo chuckles bitterly. "You're always right...Well, about guys anyway"
I pull on his braid lightly. "Hey!"
He laughs again, though this time it didn't have the bitter tinge.
"Well" He says. "At least I found out early on, unlike some of my last boyfriends..."
"Do me a favor?" I ask.
"Hmm?"
"Ask me next time, I'm good at those kinda things," I say.
"Yeah, I'm so incapable of picking good guys"
"Obviously"
Duo sits up and hits me in the back of the head.
"It's true," I say, rubbing the sore spot.
"You don't have to say so" Duo mumbles, looking back to the window.
*Bad move Hilde! Bad, bad move*
"Hey!" I say brightly. "Let's get out'a here! I think I heard something about a circus being in town, let's go check it out!"
Duo looks back to me.
"I don't know Hil', I'm not really feelin' up to it" he says.
"Aw come on Duo" I say, ruffling his bangs. "It'll be fun! Besides, you need to get out, get some fresh air! I promise-" I put my hand on my heart. "-If you don't have fun, we'll leave. We can come back here and watch depressing movies and eat ice cream. 'Kay?"
Duo sighs.
"Yeah all right" He says. "But remember you promised me ice cream"
I smile. "Pinky?" I hold out my pinky finger.
"Pinky" he hooked his pinky around mine.
~(-Hilde-)~
"You're losing" Duo says in a singsong voice as we step off of the roller coaster.
"Come on Duo!" I say. "That was fun! It's the biggest ride here!"
We've been all over the circus. Rides, games, food, nothing seemed to work.
Duo yawns.
"Fine" I say. "Forget about rides. How about a show? Yeah! I bet there's one starting soon, it's almost seven. Come on!" I grab his wrist and drag him to the tent in the middle of the circus.
I'm gonna make him have fun or die trying...
My words "prepared to die at any time" are coming back to haunt me...
~(-Duo-)~
We shuffle into the crowded circus tent.
"It smells in here," I mumble to Hilde.
Sweaty people, animals and old food...
"Hush! This'll be fun!" she hisses back.
I mumble again and sit in down. A few moments later the lights go dim and a spotlight turns on in the middle of the ring.
The Ring Leader -at least I guess he is, he's wearing the funny clothes- stood in the light. "Ladies and Gentlemen..."
*Yeah...whatever...*
The show went on like any normal circus, clowns and elephants and stuff. It would have been okay -maybe- but my mind kept wandering...
*...."He's a really great guy, you two would get along"...damn you Ian! He's exactly like me! Just blond...and a ditz...and I bet-*
"And now one of the stars of our show..." The ringleader said, though I only barely heard. The crowed erupted in applause as a tall clown leapt from the curtain. "Trowa Barton!"
I immediately snap out from my troubled thoughts at the name.
*Trowa?*
I look down to the tall clown as he leapt on lions' backs, flipped, and did a number of things I didn't think possible. The crowed is going wild. They love him, who wouldn't? The guy was amazing!
"Whoa!" Hilde exclaims. "Look!" she points as he jumps into the air and does a few turns before landing on one hand, he quickly flips backward and lands perfectly. He bows before turning to the curtain.
The crowed is cheering so loudly that Hilde's covering her ears. I'm too shocked to cover my own.
*Trowa's here? What happened to Heero? And Quatre? Trowa's here!*
I get up from my seat and run towards the exit, weaving between people. Hilde is calling after me but I ignore her.
*Another Gundam pilot, someone to talk to. I can find out about the others, try to figure out what to do next...* the relief of finding one of the others drove away all thoughts about ex-boyfriends and stinking circus customers.
Finally someone who understood...
I'm running to the back where I saw Trowa disappear to, ignoring the people telling me I couldn't come back here. I can see him putting away his costume as I run up.
"Trowa!" I yell, running up and grabbing his shoulders.
He looks at me blankly.
"Do I know you?" he asks.
I laugh. "Do you know me? Of course you know me! What's wrong with you! It's Duo! Remember? Pilot 02? Gundams? You freakin' locked me in a cell for a weeks! Okay, maybe not weeks, but it sure as hell felt like it!"
He blinks.
"I-I'm sorry...I don't remember..." he says sadly.
"Wh-what do ya mean? Y-your kiddin' me right?" I ask shakily. "It's me, Duo. Come on you have to remember!" I shake him a little on my last words.
The curtain opens but I don't pay attention until someone yells: "what are you doing?!"
I turn to see a girl, not much older then me, holding up the tent flap. She rushes over and hugs Trowa's shoulders, pushing me away in the process.
"Can't you see you're hurting him?!" She yells at me.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts.
"What happened Tro'? What's wrong?" I ask Trowa, ignoring the girl.
"Nothing's wrong!" The girl says. "Everything's fine now! Trowa's back where he belongs. Get out of here! Leave us alone!"
"Trowa..." I lift my hand slightly but drop it.
Trowa is still staring at me blankly, no recognition what so ever.
"Just go" the girl whispers.
I turn and lift up the outer tent flap, taking one glance back at Trowa before leaving.
~(-Hilde-)~
I'm watching Duo stare at the window again. This time he assures me it's not about Ian, though he won't tell me what's wrong.
"You wanna to play cards?" I ask hopefully.
"No thanks" he says, not turning from the window. I sigh and give up, turning back to the TV, but not really watching it at all.
*At least I tried*
~(-Duo-)~
*He doesn't remember anything. Me, the others, the Gundams for Christ's sake! How could this happen?*
"Is this about that guy?" I forgot that Hilde was even there.
I look away from the window. She's watching me, her brow creased with worry. I sigh.
"Yeah. I just can't believe he doesn't remember. I don't even know what happened. What if Heero and Quatre are the same way? I don't know where Wufei is...It's depressing to think that I could be at this alone..."
"Duo..."
Her eyes are huge. She so looks frightened! Oh god, I'm scaring her!
*You're supposed to be the optimistic one, remember?*
I smile and laugh.
"Hey!" I say cheerfully. "It's alright, right? I got you! And Deathscythe! It'll be all right!"
She smiles back. "Yeah! It's not hopeless!"
"Right" I nod.
I look back to the window for a moment, making up my mind.
"I'm goin' out" I announce, standing up.
"Where to?" Hilde asks, standing up as well. "You want me to come too?"
I shake my head. "Just out for a while. I need you to stay here and hold up the fort"
She smiles and salutes. I return it with a big goofy grin.
"Sir!" she says.
I march out the door. As it closes behind me I drop the act.
"Naw" I whisper. "Me, Hilde and one Gundam against the earth and colonies, that's not helpless"
~II~ Chapter Two ~II~
~(-Duo-)~
"In through there" the man points to a cluster of animal cages.
"Thanks"
I find Trowa sitting in front of a lion's cage, his eyes were closed. I thought he was asleep at first but as I got closer he lifted his head.
"Can I help you?" he asks softly.
"I came last night, do you remember?" I ask.
He glances quickly over his shoulder then back to me and nods.
"I wanted to apologize," I say, walking closer. "I thought you were someone else"
He looks a little calmer, though he still looks suspicious.
"I except your apology," he says slowly. "If you'll excuse me, I have work to do"
He stands up and starts to leave.
"No wait!" I call.
He stops and turns back to me.
"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out? I mean..." I break off.
*Why am I so nervous?*
"Could ya show me around and stuff? You know...Show me all the fun stuff to do around here?"
*My palms are sweating. Why are my palms sweating? It's just Trowa* I wipe my hands on my pants and wait for his answer. He looks to his side again.
"My sister..." he starts quietly.
"She tell you to stay away from me?" I asked, trying my best not to sound amused.
He nods.
"Do you always do what your sister tells you to?" I ask.
*Oldest trick in the book! No one can-*
He nods.
*Damn! I thought I had him*
"Aw come on! Look, I promise..." I put my right hand over my heart and raise my left. "...If you don't have fun, you can leave"
*Hey, it worked on me*
He glances over his shoulder again. When he turns back to me, he looks me over quickly and then nodes.
I grin as big as I can and drop my hands.
"All right then!" I say, walking over and grabbing his hand. A shock goes through my veins at the contact and I drop it. I blink and shake my head, looking up to grin at Trowa again.
"Sorry" I say.
*Well, that was...different*
~(-Trowa-)~
The strange boy keeps dragging me to roller coasters and spinning rides, I don't have the heart to tell him I'm scared to death of the roller coasters, I'm afraid of heights.
"So how long have ya been with the circus?" Duo asks casually.
"All my life" I say automatically.
A cold shiver runs through my spine and I stop walking.
*No! Not now!*
"Are you okay?" Duo's at my side in moments.
I nod but my knees feel weak all of the sudden. He catches me as I fall. I'm surprised at how strong he is. He throws my arm around his shoulder and helps me to a bench, awkwardly because of the height difference.
I sit for a moment and try to calm my breathing.
"You sure you're all right?" Duo asks. He hands me the soda he'd bought earlier.
I take a sip and nod. "Yes. Thank you"
"What happened?" he asks.
"Nothing. It happens every once in a while, it's nothing to worry about"
Duo nods but looks skeptical.
"Where to next?" I ask, standing cautiously.
Duo frowns at me a moment before he shrugs and looks around. He smiles suddenly and points to the fun house.
"You up to it?" he asks, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
Something inside me sparks.
"Is that a challenge?" I ask.
His smile grows.
"I get a minute head start," he says. "If you can find me, you win"
"It's a deal," I say, sticking out my hand.
He grabs and shakes it. "Deal"
~(-Duo-)~
"You cheated," I say dryly.
"How?" Trowa asks, I swear that I hear amusement in his voice.
"I don't know how, you just did"
Trowa shakes his head and looks around. We'd just come out of the fun house. So far my plan was going well. Maybe if I could get him to open up more about his past he'll remember what really happened. But I'm afraid to. It scared me when he had that...whatever it was, it was when I asked him about his past, maybe it's too much for him. I don't want to hurt him...
"What would you like to do now?" he asks.
I shrug and look around.
"I dunno" I say. "Any ideas?"
Trowa looks around too, he stops and points to a small booth.
"Are you hungry? Would you like some ice cream?"
"Yeah!" I say, clutching my stomach, the mention of food reminding me that I haven't eaten since this morning.
~(-Trowa-)~
We sit and eat our ice cream. It gives me time to study my companion while he's distracted by food.
He's odd, yet so familiar. He's handsome, that's certain. There's this certain sparkle in his eye that makes think he's hiding something, laughing at something I don't understand. He seems deep in thought as he licks his cone, not really paying attention to what he's eating.
That's another thing that intrigues me, I'm almost sure that when he speaks, he's thinking something completely different then what he's talking about, I think he can keep his mouth moving and be deep in thought at the same time.
*I wonder if this is what Cathy means when she says that I think too much*
But my thoughts melt as I watch him eat. His small pink tongue gliding smoothly over the chocolate ice cream. He's not even paying attention. Some melted ice cream drips on his finger and he switches hands, sticking his finger in his mouth and sucking off the offending chocolate.
He looks up at me and I pretend to look at my ice cream, I've only taken a few bites of it and it's already melting.
"I hate when it gets all melty," he says, again I can tell he's not thinking about food.
I simply nod and stir at my cup of Mint and Chip.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"Yes I'm fine," I say, not looking at him. "I'm just not very hungry"
"Oh" he says, nodding and looking back to his cone.
~(-Duo-)~
Trowa ended up throwing away half of his ice cream, normally I wouldn't let it go to such a waste but it was all melty anyway. I wonder why he suggested food if he wasn't hungry in the first place...He was looking at me...watching me...
I shake my head and focus on where we are.
We're walking around through the circus. It's getting dark and they're turning on all the lights. I stare up in wonder as the whole circus lights up.
*God, I feel like a kid again* the thought makes me laugh. *What am I thinking? To most people I still am a kid...Like I could ever be a kid again...Stop it! You're having fun! No death, no self pity, no-*
"Are you okay?" Trowa asks softly, placing a hand lightly on my shoulder.
I smile automatically and try to ignore the prickly feeling coming from the light touch, barely a brush of his fingertips.
"Of course! Why?" I ask.
Trowa stops walking. "While we were walking you suddenly laughed, I was about to ask you why when I saw you...you had this look in your eye...I'm not sure I can explain it...it seemed like something was troubling you"
I suppress a shiver. He's watching me, he looks concerned and his hand is still on my shoulder, resting on it fully now.
*Laugh, smile, do something! You're worrying him!*
"It's nothing," I say with a light chuckle, looking down as if I were embarrassed.
*God, I'm getting too good at this*
I can see Trowa in the corner of my eye. He looks at me for a few more moments, it makes me uncomfortable, feeling real embarrassment burning my ears, but I'm disappointed when he turns away. He looks at his watch.
"I have to feed the lions in a few minutes" he says. "Would you like to meet them?"
I look up.
"Meet lions?" I ask nervously. "Heh, sure, why not? They won't eat me right?"
Trowa just shrugs and starts walking.
"Ha ha, very funny. They don't eat humans right? Trowa?"
~(-Trowa-)~
Duo was scared to death of the lions. Funny, he didn't seem like the type to be scared very easily. He stands back until I finish.
I lock the cage and Duo starts to calm down, taking a few steps closer.
"Trowa? Is that you?" I hear Cathy's voice call.
Duo's head darts to where the voice is coming from and he quickly hides behind some barrels.
"Yes Cathy, I'm with the lions" I call back, sending Duo a questioning look.
Cathy runs up looking relieved.
"Oh good!" she says. "I've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been?"
"I decided to walk around for a little while. I'm sorry I worried you," I answered.
Cathy frowns.
"You're hiding something from me," she says. "I know it. You can't hide anything from me Trowa! I am your sister. What is it?" a sly smile grew on her lips. "Is it a girl? Who is she? Not Jesse I hope! I've warned you about her-"
"It's not a girl" I cut in before she can go on about the immoral Jesse.
"Sure" Cathy says slyly.
She doesn't believe me.
"Whatever you say Trowa" She winks and walks backwards in the direction she came. "See you later Trowa...Have fun" she mouths the 'have fun'. With a wave she turns and starts running.
Duo comes out from behind the barrels when the sound of her footsteps fade.
"Who's Jesse?" he asks as soon as he's close, he was smiling as though he was joking but something in his tone of voice didn't sound right.
"The girl who runs the cotton candy booth. She's very..." I tried to think of a way to put it nicely. "...Very social"
"So she's a slut?" Duo asked.
"Yes"
"Have you ever-
"No"
~III~ Chapter Three ~III~
~(-Trowa-)~
We're walking back to the main part of the circus, the crowds were thinning. A light but cold breeze is picking up, and I'm regretting not getting a jacket.
"It's nice here," Duo says. "You're lucky, getting to live at a circus and all, I'd kill to live here"
I shake my head.
"It's hard work" I say. "And I don't think the trailer I have to share with my sister is something you would want to kill for"
Duo laughs.
"Yeah" he says. "I think I'll pass"
Silence settles over us again. He's gotten quieter since when he first came, and he doesn't seem as...fake.
"It's getting late" he says reluctantly.
"Yes it is, they will be closing a lot of the rides soon"
Duo stops walking and I turn to see what's wrong. The people around us give us dirty looks for holding up traffic.
"Trowa..." he starts but stops. "Hey you know what? We haven't been on the Farris Wheel yet!"
Something tells me that's not what he started to say. He looks to his right and I follow his gaze. The large Farris Wheel looms up in the sky, brightly light with hundreds of tiny light bulbs.
My stomach turns and my knees feel weak. The roller coasters were one thing, sitting in a little chair fifty feet off of the ground was another.
I look to Duo, ready to protest when I see the look in his eye. He's still staring up at the thing, eyes wide and a slight smile on his lips. After a moment he looks back to me.
"Ya ready?" he asks.
"Yeah"
~(-Duo-)~
*I love these things!*
We get into the metal seat and a bar locks across our laps. The wheel slowly rises into the air, showing a breathtaking view of the whole circus. I stare at it wide eyed for a moment, the lights, and the people walking around looking like little ants.
The breeze picks up, blowing my bangs across my face.
*It's like I'm flying...*
Deathscythe was never like this, you couldn't feel the rush of air, didn't have time to pay attention to the ground rushing from underneath you. No, this is different...
I can hear some music drift up, a light background along with the shouts and laughter of the people below.
My problems, the war, the Trowa dilemma, they all seem far away, unimportant...I feel weightless in the cool spring air.
~(-Trowa-)~
I quickly turn away from Duo as we lift off of the ground, shutting my eyes. It's odd, but I didn't want him to know I was scared. I slit open an eye, just enough to see the ground moving away from me.
*Oh god!*
I look away, this time towards Duo. He's watching the ground, his eyes sparkling. I forget about my fear and watch him.
What was it about this strange boy? What did I find so...intriguing about him?
*He's different, you've never met anyone like him before*
*Or have I? He seems familiar...I can't remember...*
The chill starts creeping up my spine again and I focus on Duo, letting him take away the fear and worry. Maybe that's it. When I'm around him I forget about my memory loss, I forget about my fear, not of heights, of something different...
Some nights I would wake up breathing heavily, my heart beating fast and a cold sweat all over my body. I was afraid, but I didn't know what it was I was afraid of. Whenever I talked to Cathy about it she would say that they were normal nightmares and change the subject.
The fear is part of my life now. It's always there, looming in the back of my heart. I try to act happy, at least not unhappy, for Cathy, she hates to see me sad. But the fear is always there, haunting me every minute, every breath.
But now, this whole day, I've forgotten it. Like this violet-eyed boy has absorbed it, and I don't even know who he is. That strange feeling of familiarity is growing stronger, I feel I should know who he is, like he's important, but I can't remember, I can't-
The chill creeps back up and I close my eyes, controlling my thoughts. I open them again and watch Duo.
We've stopped now, nearly at the top. He's looking over the edge, a soft smile on his lips, not like the ones that he'd kept glued there when he first came, a small smile, not even showing teeth.
He was breathing deeply, smelling the air, leaning over the edge, which made me nervous, but to deprive him of it seemed out of the question, he looked so...free.
~(-Duo-)~
Trowa's quiet, which doesn't surprise me, I'm glad actually, it gives me time to think.
I don't know what to do. Trowa seems happy here, he has his sister, his job, he's surrounded be admirers, hell, I'd love it here! To take him away, tell him he's a Gundam pilot and make him fight again...He could have a peaceful life here, with no killing, he wouldn't even remember it, he wouldn't ever feel guilty or bloodstained...But then he wouldn't know who he really was.
It's possible that this girl is really his sister, though he never talked about her before, but when has Trowa ever talked about his life away from war? And even if she wasn't his sister, she obviously loved him like a brother, isn't that just as good? So he had a family here, biological or not.
Maybe Quatre would be able to decide, they'd spent sometime together, though very little from what Quatre told me. He said that they'd become good friends. All I knew about Trowa had come from Quatre, and that was so little.
What do I know about Trowa? I know that he's the reserved type, not talking unless he has to or has something worth saying. But other then that, Quatre didn't know much about him, which doesn't help me much. How can you make a decision like this for someone you hardly knew?
He seemed happy enough today, almost having fun sometimes, though he didn't show it much. That's odd, how that old habit stayed strong.
I wonder how he's doing now? If he's enjoying this as much as I am. I sneak a look out of the corner of my eye to see him looking at me. He's watching me...my ears feel warm again...
I turn my head and he looks away, but as soon as he does he closes his eyes.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing" he says quickly. He opens his eyes and looks at me. "Did you enjoy the circus?"
"Yeah" I say. "I had fun with you"
"I'm glad," he says quietly.
He's still looking at me.
"Are you sure nothing's wrong?" I ask.
"Yes" he says.
He looks away and down to the ground. He immediately jumps back, pushing against the seat; his eyes are glued to the ground.
I grab his shoulder with one hand and his chin with the other, forcing his face to mine.
"Look at me!" I say. "Don't look at the ground, just look into my eyes"
He nods and breathes deeply. After a few moments he looks calm and I let go of his chin and smile slightly.
"Why didn't you tell me you were afraid of heights?"
Trowa looks like he wants to look away but knows better then to try.
"I didn't want you to know. I wanted you to have fun"
*Damn! Why didn't Quatre tell me he was so sweet?*
*Maybe Quatre doesn't know*
My stomach flips and I put a hand to it. Trowa puts his hand on my shoulder, we're facing each other completely now.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yeah" I say with a small laugh. "I guess that ice cream doesn't like heights either"
To my surprise he chuckles lightly.
*I wonder if Quatre ever heard him laugh...Stop it! What is that?*
His hand is still on my shoulder... he's so close...
*Oh god! Not Trowa!*
Trowa's hand drops and he places it in his lap, still looking at me. I drop my hand reluctantly.
*No, not Trowa, this can't be happening...*
I want so much for his hand to be on my shoulder again, I already miss the comforting warmth.
*No! Every relationship of mine fails...besides, I really doubt Trowa's interested, there was the whole Jesse thing...*
"I had fun," Trowa says quietly.
"I did too," I answer.
*You already said that! Think before you talk!*
Trowa doesn't seem to notice.
"The circus is leaving in a few days," He says. "Will you come back? If only to say good bye?"
My stomach flipped again.
*He wants to see me again! But...he's going to leave? Why had I never thought of it before?*
I have to tell him, he needs to know. If I don't tell him he's a Gundam pilot before he leaves I could never find him again, I have to choose, it's now or never.
He's looking at me, his face is solid but his eyes are hopeful.
"Trowa...I need to..." I can't say it.
His hand goes to my face, resting lightly on my cheek. My hearts beating so fast! I wonder if it's possible have heart attack at fifteen.
"What is it Duo?" he asks.
Quickly, without thinking about it -because I know that if I did I'd realize that it's idiotic, not to mention suicidal- I lean in, softly brushing his lips with mine.
He's not moving and neither am I. Seconds are passing and we aren't doing anything, he hasn't pulled back but he also hasn't responded.
The wheel starts to move up, the sudden motion pushing us closer. He takes the hint, the hand that had been on my face moving to my neck, his other arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me closer. My head's buzzing, I'm not thinking straight, all I know is he's responding, he's not pushing me away, he actually seems to like this.
I cautiously run my tongue across his lips, praying silently that he doesn't pull back. His lips part almost immediately.
*Thank you!*
I slip my tongue in, gently probing the inside of his mouth. I mentally laugh, he still tastes a little like Mint and Chip.
He gently pulls away, moving his hand back to my cheek, rubbing it lightly with his thumb.
Without a word he leans down again, this time trying to be in control. I smirk inwardly and play with his tongue, gently warring with him.
We pull away a second time and I sigh, pulling him back into a tight hug. He returns it just as firm, kissing my hair.
The chair is moving again, I didn't even notice it start. It comes to a stop.
"We have to get off" Trowa murmurs into my ear.
"Are you sure?" I ask, not wanting to leave the comfort of Trowa's shirt.
"Lou is holding the bar open and watching us. I'm sure"
I sigh and sit up, giving Lou a dirty look as I climb out of the seat.
~IV~ Chapter Four ~IV~
~(-Trowa-)~
We slowly walk back to my trailer, not wanting the night to end. Duo walks silently beside me. He looks worried and he keeps opening and closing his mouth, as though he's trying to say something but changes his mind, over and over again.
We're there now, standing in front of my trailer, unsure of what to do. Duo rubs the back of his neck and looks away.
"Will you come back?" I ask.
Duo drops his hand.
"Trowa...I have to tell you something..."
"What is it?" I ask when he doesn't continue.
He shuffles his feet and looks up at me, violet eyes unfocusing for a minute.
"I can't come back," He says quickly.
~(-Duo-)~
*Damn it, damn it, damn it! Just tell him!*
Trowa looks hurt, well sort of, I can tell by his eyes though his face doesn't change.
"Alright, I understand" he says. "Good night then Duo" He turns to his trailer door, his hand on the handle.
"No wait!" I say, grabbing his arm.
He turns back and drops his hand.
"That's not what I meant" I say. "What I mean is..."
*Just spit it out!*
"I'd like to see you again, but I can't"
*Dumbass*
"Why?" Trowa asks.
I look down unable to look him in the eye.
"I like you Trowa, but I can't do this, there's something I have to do. I promise, as soon as I'm done I'll come looking for you, that is...If it's okay with you"
I look up as Trowa touches my chin lightly, bringing my face up to his. I wrap my arms around his neck as he kisses me, his arms going around my waist. 'He's so warm' is all I can think as my brain is filled with fuzz.
We pull back but only inches, his breath warm on my cheek.
"I want to see you again," he says quietly.
"I'll come back for you, I promise," I whisper.
One more kiss before we reluctantly pull apart. My heart aches, fearing that I'll never see him again.
I will keep my promise, but only if I'm alive to see it through. So that's my decision, I won't tell him, I'll let him live his life happily, peacefully. And I'll fight so that he can live freely.
"Good bye" I say, walking backward.
"Good bye" he says, hugging him self against the cold.
I can't stand it anymore. I turn and run as fast as I can.
~(-Trowa-)~
I watch until I can't see him anymore, and a while after. The cold that I had almost forgotten creeps back. I shiver and rub my hands up my arms. I take one last longing glance back to where he disappeared before turning back to my trailer.
It's warm inside. I walk up the metal steps and into the large trailer.
"Trowa?" Cathy calls, running up from the other side of the trailer.
"Hi Cathy" I say, walking past her and heading straight to my 'room', which is just a corner with a screen in front for privacy.
She follows me though.
"So how was it?" she asks. "Who was she?"
"I didn't go out with a girl, I told you that" I give her the cold shoulder. I love Cathy and all but I'm just not in the mood.
"You're lying," She says matter-of-factly. "Cindy saw you with a girl, she said she was pretty cute though she didn't know that was your type, she said she seemed very...energetic"
Something bugs me about Cindy thinking Duo is a girl, it makes my skin crawl and I feel defensive, but I keep my mouth shut, for now anyway.
"Then she said that I should talk to Lou because she saw you two walking toward the Farris Wheel, so I did and he said you had been on there with some brown haired girl and the two of you were getting very friendly" she's smiling slyly. "So who is she?"
"I don't want to talk about it," I say.
Grabbing an apple from the bowl on the table I go to my 'room' to brood over losing Duo, even if it was only temporarily. I already felt cold and alone again. I pulled the covers over my head, forgetting about the apple in my hand and not bothering to take off my clothes, not even my shoes.
"Trowa?" Cathy calls softly.
I can hear her kneel beside my bed.
"Trowa?" she puts her hand on my shoulder and shakes it.
"I don't want to talk about it Cathy" I repeat, keeping the covers over my head.
"I'm sorry about pushing you, we won't talk about it. Do you want something to eat?"
"...Yes. Thank you, Cathy"
"Any time Trowa"
~(-Hilde-)~
Duo's depressed again. I can tell he's really depressed because he's really trying not to show it.
"Hey Hilde!" He calls.
I sigh and turn away from my computer, a cheerful smile on my face.
"What's up Duo?" I ask as he comes bounding in to the room.
"I'm bored, ya wanna go out?"
I shake my head.
"I have a lot of work to do Duo, I have to get this done before tomorrow," I say.
Duo pouts.
"Aw come on Hil', please? Just for a little while? It's boring here! When was the last time you were outside? Come on! Let's go to the arcade! The guys that work there won't look at me so funny if you come with me"
"Duo! We can't afford to go to the arcade! I'm already looking for a side job to pay the rent, we're way behind on everything!"
Duo quirks an eyebrow.
"Well why didn't you say so? I'll get another job. I could use a good challenge. Find anything?"
I shrug.
"Not really, nothing local. There is one thing, but it's kinda far. Winner Natural Resources are looking for employees but it's all the way in the L4 cluster, we would need to sell the shop to go"
"Winner Resources?" He asks excitedly.
"Yeah" I answer. "I thought they were out'a business since the head of the company was killed, must be new management"
Duo smiles, a slow smile that actually looks genuine.
"New management...." He says. "Then he's still alive..."
~(-Duo-)~
I lounge in a chair, smiling to myself.
*So he's back...It's not looking so helpless after all*
The door behind me slides open and I can hear Quatre laughing softly and speaking in low voice.
"Nice digs" I say.
I sit up in the high-backed office chair, placing my chin on the back and peering at the shocked blond.
He blinks and smiles.
"Duo!" he runs up behind the chair laughing and pulls me up into a tight hug. "Where have you been?" he asks quietly.
I pull away and laugh.
"Living in L2 with a friend of mine. Where've you been? I haven't heard from you since we left earth! I didn't even know if you'd lived until I heard-" I stop as he looks down, I've hit an old wound.
"Since Zero" he whispers.
"What happened?" I ask softly, guiding him over to a small table.
"It's a long story," he says.
"I've got time"
~(-Quatre-)~
"...I don't even know if he's alive Duo...somehow...somehow I feel that he is but...I might have killed him..." I can't look at him as I speak.
Trowa's death -if that was the case- had been on my mind and in my heart since I watched the Vayeate explode. My weakness had lead me to kill the only person who understood me, he understood me more then I understood myself.
"Quatre..."
The emotion I feel in Duo's heart confuses me and when I look up, so does the shadowed look in his eyes.
"What is it?" I ask.
I'm afraid, I admit it. I'm afraid because there is a strong emotion in Duo's eye's and heart, but I don't know what it is, I can't help him, I can't understand, and it hurts, the emotion is hurting him.
"Trowa is alive," He says quietly, looking away.
A wave of shock, relief, then disbelief washes over me at his words.
*He's alive? But why does Duo sound so...sad?*
"He's alive?" I ask, afraid that I heard him wrong.
He nods.
I clutch my heart, unsure of what I should be feeling. I'm relieved. Trowa isn't dead because of me and I'm glad. But something is haunting me. Guilt. I'm still guilty. I could have killed him, easily.
I look back to Duo; he's staring out the window. I clutch my heart tighter, and calm myself, feeling for what is wrong. He's hiding something from me.
"Duo? What's wrong?" I ask.
He bites his lip.
"Trowa doesn't remember," he says quietly.
"What do you mean? He doesn't remember our fight?"
He turns to me and shakes his head.
"He doesn't remember anything," he says. "The war, the Gundams, he thinks he's lived at a circus all his life with his sister"
My mind is numb, the only thing I can process is:
"His sister? Trowa has a sister?" I ask.
Duo shrugs. "I'm not sure, he never mentioned her?"
I shake my head.
"I don't know," he whispers.
He looks out of the window, his eyes not focusing on one thing for long.
"Where is he?" I ask.
Duo hesitates.
"Duo? Where is he?" I ask again.
"I can't tell you," he says slowly.
"Why can't you tell me?" I ask.
I thought Duo trusted me...oh god. He doesn't anymore! He thinks I'll hurt him! H-he thinks I'm a danger...
"Please Duo" I beg. "I'd never hurt him, ever. I need to tell him I'm sorry"
Duo thinks a moment.
"I know," he says quietly. He's silent a moment before he turns to face me. "Alright...but Quatre?"
"Yes?"
"He has a good life there, his sister, who ever she is, she loves him, and I think he loves her. Just remember that"
The Epilogue
~The End of Endless Waltz~
~(-Duo-)~
"Good bye, old buddy" I say as I push the detonator.
Deathscythe, Heavyarms and Sandrock glow a bright red before disintegrating into nothing.
The three of us stand, watching the dust clear as the wind blows it away. I hear Quatre sigh to my left.
"It's finally over," he breathes.
"I guess so," I say quietly. "I won't miss it though, not a bit, I'm glad it's over"
"We all are" Quatre says quietly.
I glance over to Trowa, standing at the edge of the cliff, watching the last of the dust blow away.
We'd never talked about what happened, he'd never mentioned it and I was afraid...afraid he'd forgotten, or regretted it. It had kept me up late at night. I had meant every word I'd said. I would have found him. I would have gone back. All the battles I'd fought after our day together were for him, I fought for my promise, I fought to make the world peaceful, for us. But now...now it felt like a dream, an illusion I had made for myself, a reason to keep fighting in those meaningless wars, to take on the suicide missions, all for him, all for my dream of him, for us.
We stand in silence a moment longer, afraid that if we leave it will truly be over, not the war but our friendships. Will we ever even see each other again? It scares me to think that I won't see them again, or even very often, I need them, though I don't like to admit it. I've always told myself that I could make new friends, but I don't want new friends, they wouldn't understand...not like my fellow ex-pilots did...
And Trowa...what about Trowa? Could I even bare not to ever see him again? The thought sends shivers down my spine.
"My shuttle leaves soon" Quatre whispers.
My gut wrenches.
"You sure you can't stay a little longer?" I ask.
He shakes his head.
"I've delayed too long already, my work is piling up as we speak," he sounds sad, remorseful.
"Can I come visit ya sometime?" I ask hopefully. I'm not sure what I'll do if he says no.
He smiles warmly, a look of relief on his face.
"I'd love that Duo!" He says. "And you too Trowa!" he says, peering past me at our silent companion.
I'm shocked when Trowa smiles slightly.
"Thank you Quatre," he says.
Quatre smiles even brighter.
"I have to go, good bye. I'll see you again soon?"
I nod. "ASAP Q-man!"
He smiles and hugs me.
"I can't wait," he whispers in my ear.
He walks over to Trowa and hugs him too, murmuring something I can't hear. Trowa looks at me briefly and nods. Quatre smiles and walks away, waving before getting into the awaiting limo.
I wave back until I can't see his car anymore. Sighing, I turn back to the spot where our Gundams used to stand.
"Yep" I say. "It's all over"
I gather all my courage and turn to Trowa, putting on a half smirk. He's already watching me.
"So? What now? Where are you going to go?" I ask.
Trowa shrugs and looks to the same spot I had been looking. His eyes never wavering as he stares at the ground.
*He isn't afraid of heights anymore* I almost laughed. *I wonder how he managed that...*
"I don't know," he says softly. "I was planning on going back to the circus. What about you?"
I shrug.
"I'll probably go back to the shop with Hilde"
"Hilde...she was the one that brought the disk wasn't she? With the information on Libra?"
I smile.
"You remembered"
He made a soft 'hm' in his throat.
"She was brave," he said. "That information helped a lot. And...She really seemed to care for you"
I chuckle softly.
"She's a sweet kid," I breathe.
"So this is it then?" I ask after a few moments. "Will we ever see each other again?"
I really tried to not sound desperate or too hopeful. I failed, miserably.
Trowa turns to me, something flickering in his eyes for a moment.
"Yes" he says, looking away again. "We will probably meet at Quatre's"
"Right..."
*Damn! Stomp all over my hopes will ya?*
"I'll see around then..." I say.
I turn and start to walk away, my heart aching for me to say something, anything.
"Do you know how long it took me to convince them I didn't have a secret girlfriend?" Trowa calls after me.
I stop mid-step.
"W-what?" I ask, turning to face him.
He turns away from the cliff, facing me with a small hint of a smile on his lips.
"I had to tell Catherine who you were to stop her from pestering me"
"You remember?" I ask, flushing red when my voice cracks.
He turns away again, wrapping his arms around himself.
"It took me months after my recovery to remember, or to put two and two together anyway. And then after that...I wasn't sure...Were you just pretending to help me get my memory back? Then I realized that it didn't matter to me, that no matter what, I could still hold that memory and at least pretend it was real. But it became too much. I planed out how to tell you...How to ask you...I've finally given up, I can't keep it to myself anymore, I need to know"
He turned to me again, a single green eye -damn that bang of his!- piercing into mine.
"Duo, do you remember? Did it mean anything to you? Were you...those things you said, the things you did...were they..." he swallows. "I need to know if what you told me was the truth"
I thought a moment, thinking my words over carefully.
"I went back the second time to bring back your memory" I began. "But it hurt you Trowa, I saw it, and I…I couldn't do it. But when we were together I saw something in you Trowa. That day we lived in peace, the war was far away, for a moment I didn't care. I'd begun to forget what it was like to feel carefree, to take a break and just live for a moment. That day with you gave me hope, I felt peace for one day, with you. I saw how much you truly enjoyed your life, how much you loved your sister, your life away from war, and you reminded me what I was fighting for. And I think I..."
*Oh god! I almost said it! I almost told him I loved him... *
"...I saw the real you Trowa, with out the pretence of war, without death and guilt, I saw you, one I'd never even thought was there. But you hide yourself away Tro', you won't let anyone see that because if you did, you might get hurt. You've learned to only keep company with yourself, you didn't think you needed anyone else. That day I saw you, the real you, the one who wanted companionship, who wanted peace. I fought so you could free that part of yourself again"
Trowa is still watching me, through my whole speech I struggled to keep eye contact. I'd waited too long for that, I wouldn't back down that easily.
Trowa is the one to break it, looking to his side at nothing in particular. I wait for him to speak, afraid that I'd said too much, that he hadn't meant what I thought he'd meant.
"That day..." He says quietly. "I fell in love with you, the true you. The whole day you were with me, you didn't seem worried about appearance. You were off in your own thoughts, you would look sad, confused, happy...and not that 'come on Heero cheer up' crap you put on in front of the others, you truly felt happy sometimes. When I came back and I saw you again, you were different...you said I hid myself away, but you did the same, you pretended to be happy, pretended you weren't scared, pretended that the war didn't bother you... I fought so you wouldn't have to pretend anymore"
He looks back at me slowly. I can see the fear and surprise and fear in his eyes, like he just realized what he said. I'd never thought I would see the day when Trowa spoke before he thought about what he was saying.
"I love you," he says quietly, more to himself then to me.
I swallow and bow my head, trying to calm the swell of emotion in my heart.
"I fought for you," I say. "I bleed for you, everything I've done since that day has been for you. I love you too, Trowa"
I look up and smile.
"And who'd have known you could be so god damn sweet?"
Trowa breathes out slowly, bites his lip and looks away.
I laugh lightly and look down.
"You know Trowa, the traditional thing to do when someone says they love you, is kiss"
He chuckles.
"Yes, I guess you're right" he says.
I look up, he's watching me. For a moment I'm not sure what to do, my stomach doesn't seem to want to stay in one place and my heart is beating so fast that again I wonder if I can have a heart attack this young. He's walking over to me, and to my surprise I've already started walking to him, when did that happen? It doesn't matter anyway. We're less then a foot away now, standing in front of each other, unsure of what to do next. He raises a shaking hand-
*He's nervous too*
-and places it on the side of my face, rubbing his thumb across my cheek for a moment before leaning down. I'd dreamt of this constantly after our first kisses, his soft lips and sweet breath, tongue playing across my mouth, small caresses. It was exactly as I remembered, he's so soft and playful, it makes me smile since it countered his outward personality so much.
His arms wrap around my waist as he deepens the kiss, my arms going around his neck. I forget the cold wind, melting into his warmth, even as we break away for breath we stay close, still holding each other.
"This is nice and dandy Tro' but now what? What do we do now?" I whisper after a moment of silence.
"Come with me" he whispers in my ear.
I shake my head into the crook of his neck.
"I can't," I say. "I have the shop, I can't just leave it all to Hilde, she needs me"
"Can she juggle by any chance?" he asks.
I laugh and snuggle closer.
"No, but she makes killer ice cream sundaes"
"So will you come?" he asks then adds: "please"
I 'hm' softly and give him a squeeze.
"God yes!" I whisper. "I'd love to. I told you I'd kill to live at a circus"
He chuckles.
"Good" he breathes.
"But Tro'?"
"Yes?"
"We don't have to share a trailer with your sister, do we?"
Trowa chuckles and squeezes me a little tighter.
"No" he whispers.
"Good...Tro'?"
"Yes?"
"I love you"
"I love you too"
~An End~
Now you have a choice! If you like a nice lil' sappy ending you can stop there. But! if you're like me and need some humor to keep you from getting a toothache then read on! The next part is just a lil' something I added a little later for fun and it's not very good.
~(-Near by-)~
"Well it's about time!" Hilde whispers.
"Hush! They'll hear us!" Quatre whispers back.
"My leg is getting cramped, can we go now?" Heero grumbles.
"I agree," Wufei whispers. "I think they need their privacy anyway"
"Quiet! I can't hear what they're saying!" Hilde hisses.
"Did you hear something?" Duo asks from behind the bush they were hiding in.
All four eavesdroppers hold their breath.
"Must have been a squirrel," Duo says after a moment.
Silence...
"What are they doing?" Hilde whispers.
"I don't know," Quatre whispers back. "Why don't you look?"
"How did we get dragged into this?" Wufei whispers to Heero.
"Hilde promised ice cream," Heero whispers back.
"I can't! They'll see me!" Hilde whispers back to Quatre.
"This isn't worth it" Wufei whispers to Heero.
"I agree," Heero answers.
"Do you want to go?"
"Yeah"
Heero and Wufei stand up and start to walk away.
"Heero? Wufei? What are you guys doing behind that bush?" Duo asks, looking at them curiously.
Heero looks from the couple to Wufei to the bush were Hilde and Quatre are trying to keep from laughing.
"Getting ice cream" he says with a shrug before motioning to Wufei and walking away.
"What he said," Wufei says before following Heero.
Duo and Trowa just stare after them, confused about what just happened.
"Are you coming you two?" Heero calls back. "Or are you just going to stay in that bush all day? I think they want their privacy"
Quatre and Hilde stand, both blushing and wave to them before running after Wufei and Heero.
"What just-" Duo started.
"Don't ask" Trowa cut him off.
"Yeah, I think you're right"
After a moment Duo sighed and turned away from the place where the others had disappeared.
"You wanna join them?" he asks.
Trowa takes his hand and pulls him closer.
"In a moment"
~ Owari ~
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