Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast
infection. He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.
Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California
Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and The Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima
delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he
was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was
filled with many turnovers.
He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on
half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for
millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the
oven. The funeral was held at 4:50 for about 20 minutes
John Madden was in Denver to announce a football game one weekend when
he noticed a special phone near the Bronco's bench. He asked Coach
Shanahan what it was for and was told it was a hot line to GOD. John asked the coach
if he could use it and the coach said: "Sure, but it will cost you $100."
Madden scratched his head and then said: "What the heck, I need some help
picking the games." He pulled out his wallet and paid the $100. Madden was perfect
that week.
The next weekend Madden was in Green Bay when he noticed the same kind
of phone near the Green Bay bench. He asked Coach Holmgren, what the phone
was for and Mike said: "It's a hot line to GOD and if you want to use it,
it will cost you $100." Recalling the previous week, Madden pulled out his
wallet and paid the $100. Once again Madden was perfect.
The next weekend Madden was in Dallas, at Texas Stadium, when he
noticed the same phone near the cowboy's bench. He asked Coach Gailey if it was a
hot line to GOD. Chan said, "Yes it is, do you want to use it? It will cost you
35 cents." Madden looked at Coach Gailey and said, "Wait a minute! I just paid
$100 Denver and $100 in Green Bay to use the same phone! Why in Dallas do
they only charge 35 cents?" Chan looked at Madden and replied very matter-of-factly, "In Texas,
it's a local call."
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!
That's TEXAS independence for you non-Texans
One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the
morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense
of
order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked
the
little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just
before
reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the
congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
===================================================
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold". At
this,
dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, "How come you called God,
"Harold"? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him
in
church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven,
Harold
be Thy name."
===================================================
And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash
baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
==================================================
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from
one
of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into
silence,
and after church, asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Gary
answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to whistle... And He just
then
did!"
===================================================
One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer. "Now I lay me down to
rest,
and hope to pass tomorrow's test, if I should die before I wake, that's
one
less test I have to take."
==================================================
A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank
you
for these pancakes." When he concluded, his parents asked him why he
thanked
God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I
thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight."
====================================================
A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my
mommy
and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care
of
yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big
mess."
===================================================
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says
your
prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The
little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
====================================================
A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her
six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I
wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied. "Just say what you
hear
Mommy say, " the mother said. The little girl bowed her head and said,
"Dear
Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
=====================================================
Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he
emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then
said a
prayer. "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you
not
misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not
misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."
=====================================================
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me a
better
boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am!"
Home
Late CoonHunter
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not
arrived home on time from his regular Saturday night Coon Hunt. As
the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 a.m., the
husband finally pulls into the driveway.
"What happened?" says the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!"
"Harry had a heart attack at the second place we went," replied the husband.
"Oh, that's terrible," says the wife.
"I know," the husband answers. "All night long it was Tree a coon, drag
Harry, Tree a coon, drag Harry..."
Arkansas Residency Application
STATE OF ARKANSAS
Residency Application
Name: ________________
(_) Billy-Bob
(last)
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Un-employed
Spouse`s Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother`s Name: _______________________
Father`s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you`ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you`ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you`ve seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
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