Special Report---Nader Volunteer Kicks Television News Anchor in the Ass

by Brian J. Melton

“I didn’t think he would actually do it!” said Robert Kinley of his best friend Ryan Starks after allegedly telling him that he would, “Give ya 20 bucks if you kick that suit in the ass.”

The incident happened sometime Wednesday night during the Green Party Rally for Ralph Nader at the Burger Center in Austin, Texas. Hundreds gathered in support of Green Party Presidential Nominee Ralph Nader. Among them was Ryan Starks, volunteer, and ass kicker.

“I was in the middle of talking to John Roberts from Channel 13. All this Nader talk got us thinking about Bush. So we were tossing around the idea of going to a gentleman’s club after the rally to throw back a few brews and check out a little bush. Then this punk ass kid comes up and kicks me in the behind!” reported television reporter Richard Dick.

Ryan Starks, sitting in the back seat of a police car after being handcuffed and taken into custody, yelled out from the window to Richard Dick, “You look much more bloated in real life Dick Dick!”

“I’d never thought about that before,” said Mr. Dick of Ryan Starks’ comment. “My name...you know being Dick Dick. I’m still pressing charges though.”

In non-related incidents, Jackie Willis was arrested for smoking pot in the parking lot and William Kerns left his ticket money in his other pair of pants.

There was nothing special about that report...

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