Mookie Says,

Saturday was hot. Hot enough to burn Mookie’s face as he sat alone outside of his parent’s three bedroom house in Yancy, West Virginia. It rained too damned much during this time of year in West Virginia, and Mookie was taking this fleeting bit of sunlight for all it was worth, which seemed like a buck twenty-five ($1.25). He had found it underneath the cushions of his parent’s old living room couch. Uncle Francis had been sleeping on it for weeks now, and his rear end always left change behind. Mookie had purchased some stones from Sammie, a broken calculator from Tim, and a package of Pokeman Trading Cards from Wizards this week with his Uncle’s butt change, and today he would get himself an ice cream treat from the Ice Cream Man, as soon as the bastard decided to come down his cul-de-sac.

That was the problem with living on a cul-de-sac, the Ice Cream Men must figure that there isn’t any kids living on cul-de-sacs because they only turned down his street once a day, when all of the other streets had been taken care of first. I mean, it was true that Mookie was the only child on his entire block, but the drought in ice cream men was getting ridiculous. It was more likely that Mookie could buy some ice cream at 9:30 at night than in the heat of the afternoon. That’s why Mookie was keeping his ears open today. If the ice cream truck came anywhere near his street, he’d hear the music, and he’d chase that sucker down if he had too.

Mookie had been waiting for what seemed like hours in Mookie time (an hour and fifteen minutes to the rest of the world) and he was beginning to get pretty antsy. There was so many other things he could be doing right now. The creek was at its fullest and he had been dreaming for the past couple of days of diving into its murky depths and finding perfect skipping stones for the skipping contest that would be held in just a few short days. His mom had kept him out of the creek all of this last week because, after falling off his bike, he suffered a nasty injury that left a nice gash in his calf. “You’ll get gangrene if you go into that dirty water,” said his mother who, in Mookie’s mind, never knew a damned thing. So later that same day, Mookie snuck off with a couple of his buddies to go diving for stones. A few hours later the wound in his leg started to sting and he decided it was probably time to go home. By the time he had reached his mother’s kitchen the pain was unbearable and he didn’t even try to lie about where he had been, “MOM! I went swimming in the creek like you said I shouldn’t and now my leg is hurting real bad!” His mother took one look at the injury to her son’s leg and let out a gasp in horror. The wound was so infected that his mother didn’t punish him at all for disobeying her. She ran him upstairs and put iodine all over his leg, bandaged him, and served him supper in bed. It took a good week for Mookie’s leg to heal properly, and now he was itching to get back into the creek. He just didn’t have time to wait for some slow ass ice cream delivery guy.

“Ok,” Mookie thought, “this is some bull-shit. I’ll just get my mom to run to the store for me while I’m down at the creek. I’ll have it when I get back, and I won’t have to waste anymore of the day waiting on Mr. No Show.”

Mookie stood up, ready to walk back inside, when he heard the oh-so familiar notes to The Entertainer ringing in the air. The Ice Cream Man was here, but where? He could hear the music getting louder and louder the longer he stood there trying to get a read on the location. Finally, it sounded as if the music was right next to him, blaring as loud as it could, from what seemed like behind his house. But, there were no kids behind his house, only an alley way and a bunch of dumpsters. “He must be taking a short-cut through the alley!” Mookie thought. “I’ll cut him off at the other side!”

Mookie took off running down the block, but as he ran, the music was getting fainter and fainter. Ice cream trucks do tend to crawl along the road, but surely he wasn’t running that much faster than it. He stopped just at the corner to give the ice cream man time to catch up, but just as his legs stopped moving, the music stopped too. Mookie scratched his head in wonderment. What happened to the music?

“He knew I was coming for him.” Mookie said under his breath. “That’s why he never made it to the end of the ally. He turned around and drove off!”

Defeated, Mookie turned the corner and headed down his alley. If he had made it this far down the block, he might as well finish up the rest of the round trip, and go in through the backyard. He could say “hi’ to Butler, their German Shepard, and pick up his pail for rock collecting at the creek. His mom made him keep them in the back yard due to the horrible stench they brought back with them.

When he had finally walked the full length of the street, Mookie noticed something sticking out from behind his family’s fence. It was white, and looked like a bumper, but his father’s car was brown and besides, he was at work, and his mother’s car was black. Mookie crept along the edge of the fence in order to investigate.

When he had made it to his family’s driveway he was shocked at what he had found. It was the ice cream truck, parked in his driveway! His mother must have called him and asked for him to bring some ice cream over. It made sense, the ice cream man would sometimes sell in bulk to the rest of the neighborhood.

Now was Mookie’s time to shine. He had been waiting for years to get a hold of the Ice Cream Man and gripe him out for missing his street nearly everyday. Mookie would just have to be incredibly silent as he snuck in through the back door. If the Ice Cream Man knew that he was caught, the Ice Cream Man would surely run away, never to return again.

As soon as Mookie got within ten yards or so of the garage door, he flopped to his belly and crawled, army style, the rest of the way. Gently, he crawled by his mother’s car and up the step to the door. He turned the knob as slowly and methodically as possible in order to quiet his parent’s squeaky door. Finally, he was inside, and would have to hunt the bastard down.

In a crouched Ninja position he had seen on TV, Mookie sped from the kitchen to the living room, to the spare bedroom, his room, the main bathroom and up to his parent’s closed door. Were the Ice Cream Man and his mother in the bedroom together? If so, what was he doing selling ice cream to his mother the bedroom. It just didn’t make any sense, but they couldn’t be anywhere else in the house, he had checked every other room. They must be inside there stuffing their faces full of the ice cream his mom had just bought for him. They were both out to get him Mookie thought, and they would have to be stopped.

Mookie jumped up from the crouched position, viciously turned the knob to his parents door, and burst into the bedroom, fists held out before him. He stopped dead in his tracks though when he saw what it was that the Ice Cream Man and his mother were really doing in the bedroom. His mother was down on her knees in front of the Ice Cream Man and it sure as hell wasn’t ice cream she was stuffing her face with! When the couple saw Mookie, they both clutched at their naked bits and scrambled for their clothes. Mookie could almost smell the embarrassment in the room as the Ice Cream Man frantically pulled up his pants and started to head for the open window above his parent’s bed. “Uh-uh-uh!” said Mookie as he walked over and grabbed a hold of the man’s right leg. “Nice try, but now that I’ve got your attention, I want my fucking ice cream.”

Sick...

Email: goldenma@aol.com