October 26, 2000 Omaha, Nebraska---Ryan Yauncy is a shit talker by trade. His friends say that the 13 year old middle school student could be “one of the best out there.” Seeing that this is the case, why did a momma joke told Monday evening go so terribly terribly wrong?
The comment, directed at 13 year old friend Jose Martinez, was a response to a trouncing that Ryan received when the two boys, along with three other neighborhood friends, were spending an afternoon playing the fighter style game, Tekken 3 at the Yauncy household.
“I kicked his ass with Gun Jack, which almost never happens because Gun Jack sucks so much.” said Jose of the preceding events. “I remember saying something like ‘EAT THAT!’ and the next thing I knew Ryan turned to me and said, ‘I will, as soon as I finish eating out your momma!’”
The remark, which was meant for Jose, was misfired which sent the comment flying in the direction of the Yauncy’s brass lamp. The momma joke then ricocheted off of the brass, shot across the room, bounced off the TV screen, hit the fan that was circling on the ceiling, and struck Ryan’s mother Judy, who was walking in the door with sodas and treats for the boys.
“I felt it graze my right ear.” said Chris Sparks, the boy who had beaten Ryan with the small dinosaur character Gon. “I’m glad I got out of the way, but I'm sorry that it wound up hitting his mom.”
Judy Yauncy was struck in the chest with the momma joke and immediately dropped the bag of groceries she was carrying. Clutching her ears and screaming in agony, Mrs. Yauncy fell to the ground and lost consciousness.
“It was scary the way she just fell like that. It was almost as if the words were just too much for her heart to bear.” said Jeremy Smith, the boy who had beaten Ryan with the cumbersome demon lord True Ogre.
“No mother should ever be subjected to that.” said Police Officer Michael Lawless. “We’re just glad that one of the boys called 911 and we could get to her when we did. We had to bring in one of the Olsen Twins to revive her.”
“I won’t be pressing charges,” Mrs. Yauncy said of the incident. “But let’s just say that the kid will be doing the dishes until he’s 32.”
Your momma looks like Yoshimitsu!