Tree Huggin Hippies

I recently spent a few months of my life trapsing around with long hair and dirty clothes, calling myself a hippie. I actually believe that this is where I went for the entire period of my life that I was not updating this page. Since I have just stepped from the hippie realm and re-examined my life, I figured I would throw together a little 12 step guide for all of you out there who are beginning to search for yourselves. And here it is...

The Unfinished Guide To Hippie Life

Step 1: Get rid of your cable telivision. MTV will rot your brain and destroy your mental spirit.

Step 2: Stop washing your clothes. You must be dirty to be a hippie. This is written in law.

Step 3: Philiosophise over every little detail about your life. Topics such as the creation of the universe, the state of peace in the world today, and why Grape Nuts taste so damned bad should be discussed in full with anyone comming into contact with you.

Step 4: Denounce personal wealth, no matter how well your job is working out for you. You need not material things patawan.

Step 5: Give away all you material things or just let them waste away through neglect. You need not material things patawan.

Step 6: Your hair must grow until it drags the ground. If this is not possible because you have wussy hair, do not comb it. Allow your hair to knot up and become disgustingly matted. This is the hippie way.

Step 7: Take numerous trips around the entire United States. Visit people living in the middle of nowhere and examine their rustic lifestyles. Take notes. Apply. Rinse. Repeat.

Step 8: Follow a band. Not just any band mind you, but a jam band of mystic proportions such as Phish. This way, you will be surrounded by others who wish to philosophise about the taste of Grape Nuts, while you're traveling the United States, interacting with people of the rustic life styles. Kill all your birds with one stone. (Note: Killing prohibited by the hippie doctrine)

Step 9: Read all the great works of literature. Something may have the hippie answer for you.

Step 10: Stop wearing shoes. Your feet stink.

Step 11: Smoke enough pot and do enough acid in order to convince you that steps 1-10 make complete and utter sense. Of course this is what you need to be doing with your life! God told you so while you were on an acid trip.

Step 12: Realize that a regimine ie. Steps 1-11 are utterly ridiculous. The hippies of the 60's would have never allowed such things to take place. Understand that hippie is a word that the masses labled a group of peaceful people with in order to make some sense of the whole scene. Find your inner self, and you'll find your inner "hippie".

Email: goldenma@aol.com