Special Report ---Broccoflower Looking For It’s Past

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By Brian J. Melton

The genetically altered vegetable, Broccoflower, needs your help. Left on the porch of Farmer Joseph Robertson sometime in 1982, Broccoflower has known nothing of his true heritage. He is an orphan, abandoned by his parents at the tender age of 1, and left with nothing but questions about his whereabouts. He’s asking you to help him find his true family.

“I just want to tell them that I love them and let them know that I’m not mad about their decision to abandon me.” said a teary eyed Broccoflower. “All I have from them is my color and texture.”

It is just a speculation, but studies have shown that Broccoflower’s parents must have been disobeying the laws of nature when they consummated their relationship sometime in 1981. Broccoflower has made several attempts to unveil the identity of his mother and father, and he has all the scientists baffled. “It’s likely that Broccoflower’s father is a Broccoli stalk and his mother is a head of Cauliflower.” Dr. Kyle Brown said while chewing on a stem of Celery. “But at this time we just don’t have the technology to venture any further.”

“Farmer Joe has been just like a farmer to me, and I thank him for that, but it’s time for me to find out who my real parents are.” said Broccoflower, who is asking that anyone who may have any leads as to the whereabouts of his parents to call this toll free number 1-888-R-U-MY-DAD.

What the hell is Broccoflower anyway?