Your New PC
(PussyCat)
from Lisa Oxley
SPECIFICATIONS:
Standard
input:
•bilateral frontal whisker array
>^..^<
•bilateral adjustable audio dishes
(range 20-20,000Hz), stereoscopic
•Scanning device, with night
vision Velcro™
•flavor sampling device
•energy collector
•odor sampling devices (2)
Standard
output:
•internally mounted purrbox
•Single speaker with separate
growl mode
•Rear-mounted, fully-jointed
semaphore device
Processor:
•parallel neuron array with Random
Access Memory and autonomic control of
system software
INCLUDED
HARDWARE:
•calcium-based skeletal structure
•Byte-to-bit conversion array
•Retractable document
shredder/hole punch
•Pawpad printer
•Mouse (standard catnip)
Also
included:
•natural fiber protective covering
in various colors
SYSTEM
SOFTWARE:
Your PC will come preloaded with one of
the following:
•DOS™ (domestic shorthair)
•OS (other shorthair)
•MS™ (megasoft, installed in
units with fuzzy covering) Conversion to
Eunuchs can be done by a simple
operation. This is recommended to
prevent the proliferation of cheap PC
clones. Bundled Software may include the
following: Mortal Kombat™, Acrobat™,
Windows Explorer™, and Stuffit Expander.
Your PC will automatically convert from
laptop to desktop as needed. There are
no user-serviceable parts inside.
OPERATING YOUR
PC:
•To start up your PC: Push the
power button (on any electric can
opener).
•Involking Sleep Mode: Your PC has
an energy-saving
mode known as Sleep. Your PC will Sleep
automatically if unused for a short
period of time, or you may invoke the
Sleep Mode by placing your PC in a soft,
warm area.
•Waking from Sleep Mode: To wake
your PC from Sleep
Mode you may press the power button as
in Start, shake the mouse, or tap any of
the PC's input devices (see specs).
•To perform a Warm Boot: Remove
your shoe, then tap the PC gently with
your toes.
•To perform a Cold Boot: Same
technique as for Warm Boot, but leave
your shoe on.
•To Reboot: Repeat the Warm Boot.
CLEANING YOUR PC:
•Use only mild soap and water, no
solvents. Surface wash only. Total
immersion is not recommended. If
partial immersion is necessary, wear
proper hand and face protection and make
sure your PC is fully dry when finished.
COMPATIBILITY AND
NETWORKING:
•Your PC is designed to
independently access compatibility with
other PCs. Running Eunuchs will
generally give your PC greater
compatibility with other PCs. It may be
necessary to install a firewall between
incompatible PCs as each may attempt to
breach the other's security systems.
Compatible PCs may share thermal energy
and cleaning tasks and may network for
gaming purposes.
•Please note that your PC will be
incompatible with units of type BIRD
and FISH, unless appropriate security
measures (such as a firewall) are
installed.
•Your PC may tolerate one or
more DOG units provided they occupy a
subordinate position within the
hierarchial structure.
POWER
REQUIREMENTS:
•Alternate supply of canned cat
food and dry cat food.
•Direct supply of water.
•Direct access to solar and
thermal energy sources.
TROUBLESHOOTING:
•PC has difficulty exiting:
Perform a Warm Boot.
•PC shares friles from
dinner/table/plates without permission:
Boot your PC prior to running
food-related software
•PC Hangs Up Phone During
Connection to ISP: Try invoking sleep
mode prior to connecting to ISP,
otherwise, perform a Warm Boot.
•PC Is Frozen: PC is probably
scanning for small life forms. Reboot
until it responds.
•Deleted Material Not Going to
Trash or Recycling Bin: reprogram
preferences in PC sys/litter
box/deposit/target.aim
Home
Email: angelicstar@webtv.net
