Cat Commandments
Author Unknown
Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard
when thy human is on the modem.
Thou shall not pull the phone cord out
of the back of the modem.
Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet
paper off the roll.
Thou shall not sit in front of the
television or monitor as thou are
transparent.
Thou shall not projectile vomit from the
top of the refrigerator.
Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party
and commence licking thy butt.
Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in
thy human's face.
Thou shall not leap from great heights
onto thy human's genital region.
Fast as thou are, thou cannot run
through closed doors.
Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm
clock by walking on it.
Thou shall not climb on the garbage can
with the hinged lid, as thee will fall
in and trap thyself.
Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat
just as thy human is sitting
down.
Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping
human's bladder at 4a.m.
Thou shall realize that the house is not
a prison from which to escape at any
opportunity.
Thou shall not trip thy humans even if
they are walking too slow.
Thou shall not push open the bathroom
door when there are guests in thy
house.
Thou shall remember that thou are a
carnivore and that houseplants are not
meat.
Thou shall show remorse when being
scolded.
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