Category 1: Breeze
"There's gonna be some butt fucking tonight!"
"I don't like the looks of it."
"yes, yes I do."
"Daddy can't ride in the car long, because the airbag will kill him instantly"
"feelin' better Toms?"
"THERE'S SHIT SHOOTING OUT OF DADDY!"
"Talking to Michael is worse than torture!"
"I hate when a guy goes down on me, it feels so gross," Some dumbass girl "Stupid Bitch!"
"I can't worry about that right now"
"Let me splain it."
"Does Debbie have that hole in her door yet?"
"Stop making fun of your mother, or you'll leave your purse at the Mexican restaurant."
"It wasn't a Mexican restaurant, it was a seafood place!"
"Are we gonna eat?"-
"You are SO DAMN RUDE DAMMIT!"
"Its not like sex burnt a hole in his brains."
"Those cussing Stewart boys..."
"Let me tell you this about that."
"you know how you are"
"Well that's what we called them"
"You want me to splode?!"
"Walk like Robert, Hot Boy Robert.."
"Fuckerasses....(why they were the cussin stewart boys)
"where's my gwink?"
"Got any Ritz?"
"I need chee and cloe"
"You're flashing everyone in this place, Deeeyyyanna."
"I love john waltsh"
"chips and saltsa"
"give me two pair, I D cooper"
"John Gresham is my favorite author"
"He's got gas in his craaaaaaaaahahahack."
"I can't handle anything eltse!"
"You are huger than you have ever been in your life, Ashley"
"Smile if you're constipated..."
"Ashley, you need to get laid."
"do the this, get the that"
"Ashley was having convultsions"
"Is he your honeyman?!"
"Am I retarded?"
"I have a wonderful surgeon in Houston,"
"You deliberately disobeyed me"
�I eat cheerioates every day�
"I'm going to town to look for a damn JOB"
"Eddie needs to take care a me"
"I see lots of things you don't see"
"He left us for two guys"
Category 2: Eddie
"After we get this lawsuit..."
"Cracks and busker.."
"I've got a big ol' hole in my belly."
"All I want to do is get well."
"I can't get well in this dirty house."
"Your oonie stinks, your deodorant has failed you, and you need to brush your teeth."
(to me and brez)"I can't tell which one is the mother and which is the daughter, oh yeah she's the one with
"Shit, I lost my beer."
"My therapist says I'm altuwistic"
"You knew when dad got paid, we got to eat Fancy Pants Hamburgers that day."
"I'm turning over a new leaf."
"I'm going to a Cinco De Mayo party tomorrow, you are going to have to come over and baby-sit your
Category 3: Clyde Smith
"Can we fax someone with this thing? (points to fax machine)"
"I let Deanna take care of that thing--I can't even spell computer."
"Are you on your way?"
"What we need to do....."
"I think it is raining outside. Will you go look?"
"I didn't know email was connected to the internet!"
"Is he sick, like fever sick?"
"Nice ring huh? This is a lavender jade pinky ring..."
"PacMan is my roomie."
"What JT needs to do is to understand the consequences of his underachievement."
"You can't say for sure that someone is a crackhead unless you've actually seen them smoke crack, now can you"
"You're not gonna believe this......I've had a break in down at the office. They took the fucking medicine cabinet!!!!"
"I've got the mouse in my hand, but when you say click, what exactly do you mean?"
�You tell that girl to knock 'em dead"
"Does Ash have a car yet, or is she still hoofin' it,"
"Hey girl (to gaga)"
Category 4: GAGA!!!
"Are you a turtle?"
"You bet your sweet ass I am."
"That was my beans, they were duhlicious."
"I don't pay good, but I cook good."
"Rosy is my relative."
"I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose, garden."
"Phil's chicken dip is scruuumptious"
"Deanna will come back when she needs her electricity bill paid."
"you done good grandbrat."
"It burned a little hole in my CD-RAM"
"The damn dog ate 16 dollars."
"Your hours are numbered, dog."
"here, this is for sis."
"no your sister isn't here, but deanna is here, you wanna talk to her?"
"where the hell did they get a name like katlin?"
"wanna start some shit?"
"gracie-poo and katy-did"
"Tell Baron I'd like to make an appointment to see him--remind him that I am Betty Alliott, his granmother."
"I need some technical advice."
"I don't know what I'd do without my computer."
"......and I said nooooooooooooo."
"Go away sissy, I'm not even speaking to you."
"I'm not gonna pay all that money for Paxil, when a little Ezer does the same thing."
(singing) "Thank you for bein' my frennnn,"
"Deanna told me I was fat about a year ago,"
"Well, I'm glad you told me how you really feel."
"Venus fly trap."
"I've never seen her before in my life..."
"The IRS will see that I can't afford to pay them and they'll just drop it."
"Poor ole Jimmy......,"
�I would be honored if Ashley and her black boyfriend would spend the night with me.�
�Well that will get you an oil well instead of just a dry hole�
�Are you still with �he who shall not be named�?"
�Pasquale, you got my vote.�
"You're no Sidney Poitier, but you'll do"
"If you don't invite me to the wedding, I'll have to kill you"
"I don't kill people very often, but when I do, they are dead."
Category 5: The Henrys
"My brother broke me in."
"I know that guy, he used to be in Alice Cooper."
"Hotmail, that's HTML, right?
"What exactly is corporal punishment?"
"what other kind of condom is there besides latex?"
"If I could just lose weight, clean my house, and make my kids mind, everything would be fine."
"Breezy, it says WRANGLER."
"Will you be my special someone tonight, ashley?"
"You went to St. Elizabeth's the hospital??"
"I'm not sure I want to go out with a guy that hunts and fishes and does guy stuff a lot."
"Chelsea is getting out of control again."
"I've got a hot date--ER's coming on tonight."
�So you aren�t going to explode if we go in this religious store are you?�
"My ass is looking so much prettier!"
Category 6: Miriam and Company
"Oh, you know your dad."
"I'll knock the piss outta him/her/it"
"The bitch is nuts"
"Aunt miriam, my pants are up in me"- lisa
"Good Lisa, you can go to school and touch yourself all day"
"Tracy's SICK, she's not going to school today."
"Sittin with tha buzzards"
"I hate bugs."-trace
"I hate it when people look at me."-trace
"we don't need to get along, that's what best friends do..."-trace
"THIS IS HORRIBLE!"
"hello ashley, this is miss miriam"
"You know how black people are..."
"Moi moi you are embarrassing me, and you are treating me like I'm one years old"-lil joe
"This is my last year at UNO."-Tracy
"Hermit crabs make perfect pets."-tracy
�Is that cooler going to be cold?�-Tracy
�I�m going to kick the piss out of her�
Category 7: Michael/Nicole
"I had gas trapped everywhere, if you know what I mean."
"I don't like the way Chris looks at me, he smirks."- nicole
"I farted out of my penis- it went psssss--ppppppt--psssssss."
"I am not fat, I just gain weight because of my hormones."-nicole
"Uh, this is your bruuther..."
"oh you noticed that"
"Nicole is just misunderstood."
"Oh yeah, I have something Jamey doesn't have--Nicole."
"Bobby is such a mama's boy"
"I get tired of worrying about my little sister..."
"Happy birthday, dude. This message is for Baron Robert Tubb."
"I got my GED, aren't you proud of me?"
"When I find out who put tampons all over my door, I owe them an ass kicking."
"i need to apologize to my nephew for being a shitty uncle."
"I am tired of this St. Christopher shit."
"I don't know when we'll come see you cause Nicole hates all of you,"
�I told Nicole to tell those ghosts to leave me alone man�
�SUM 41 ROCKS!!�
�I don�t like the chili peppers anymore because they toured with snoop dogg.�
�Well, I�m off on my whirlwind concert tour.�
"Dude, your controllers are about to go."
"You are totally rude when you are drunk off bourbon."
Category 8: Anyone in french class
"you know what the french say about their livers.."- madame
"You know how bacon spits."- moodame
"Madame! What's a raped COOKIE?"- lesley (poodle)
"There are no trucks in france because it rains a lot."-madame
"Oh you must mean a cracked wheat Muffin" - Madame
"Juh cracka gnome"-Steven
"go head on"-terry
"these nachos is burnt"-terry
"let's go to mickey d's"-terry
"That's a travesty."-ash "You mean betrayal"-moodame
"yes honey, you do have short stubby fingers"-madame (to ashley)
Category 9: The Tubbs/anyone Deanna knows
"This town needs an enema!" Prince
"My poor baby, I heard you had carnal tunnel syndrome!" Gladys Riley
"You know, I read a newspaper article that said they were going to stop making Ting." Baron Tubb
"Could you fax me back that flyer I just sent you? I faxed you my last copy, but I'll make more copies and fax one
back to you." Cookie at Ducks Unlimited
"When you wear those short shirts that show your belly button, it just does something to me. I don't know what, but it
just does something to me."-Jerry "I am not a pervert " Rains
"screw you, I know you want to" -baron
"sinkers, not stinkers."- chris
"Upchuck the boogie." Christopher Tubb
"This looks like a good place for a stick up." Deanna Tubb
"You come to my class to learn, not to play."-some teacher
"OOOOH, someone needs to go to the bathroom'"-some teacher named Tucker
"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. (When asked about farting, snoring,etc.)-Baron
"Bjork and beans"-deanna
"I'm not that smart, I just have what they call horse sense." jerry
"Is that rabbit fur or horse nuts"-someone's grandma
"are farts lumpy?"-chris
"ate up boots, with a pimped out gucci suit..."-chris
"Give me two pair, I did do her..."-Baron
"As the French say, liver..."-baron
"No, I don't have any kids, but I have been around kids."-Syphillis
"Can you hear me now?"-chris
"She can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed at home"-jerry
"These fucking ass fuckers." millie
"The rash isn't black, Baron"-deanna
"I thought you could see the future, I thought you had ESPN." Jerry
"I love beauty"-danielle
"doodoo--big fat stinkin steamin doodoo" jerry grimes
"No one ever said I was beautiful, I was always cute."-Danielle
"That little boy on tv is gay."-Baron
"That's my bong, douchebag." heard on Dead Like Me
"You dummy, its a brown lacoose, I read it in the paper," Jerry Rains, speaking about that rare gay spider , the
�Did you get my hooch?�-millie
�Your sister is so neat, she�s neat neat neat.�-some lady, I forgot her name
�If you want to have an interesting meal, take her to the fillin� station.�-same lady
"Oh, you guys, let's go get panini and have a panini party!"-baron
"I'm a football player."(nuff said)
Category 10:The Berrys
Category 11: The Jobs/The Browns/Anyone ash knows
"Don't eat the peas!"- uncle sam
"I get to play with the be-ah"-miss peggy
"Are ya ready set?"- sara (age 4)
"That blanket is dirty--it is covered in cat fart, poop, and pee." Sara
"that's right, you don't know."- uncle sam
"I know who Alice Cooper is, he was in Wayne's World."
"There's water under Ashley's chair!"-Jeremy Ferguson
"Pieces of rain."
"He can't wear that hood, it shows off his titties"-sara
"Get your hot breath off me."-robert (to lesley)
"You're not supposed to kiss a boy on the mouth, you will choke up"-sara
"Man, Fuck a test"- robert
"Where are my keys"- robert
"What in the shit are you doing"- Grandma Joyce
"I'm about to flip to the crib"- robert
"I love dot's condimonium"-granny
"booger's the mayor!"-granny
"if its a boy its bob, if its a girl its judy bob."-the princesses of groves
"I spent four lonely days in a Proud Mary haze..."
"All the teeth are brown, and the space is gray..."
"Sperm may be cheap, but its not free."-dr. karen kandl
"Your Gaga is full of poop, "
"Its easy to knock over a monastery."-Prof. Bodet
�That�s another fucktion of the rough ER�-Dr. Bromberg
�Now if you see a possum, just reach in its pouch and find the tit and touch it.�-dr. kandl
"Its hard to lure a man from abroad."-Betty the history teacher
�What have you done with my gaga, you look like Marilyn Monroe�
"The devil's up, and she's making coffee."-Charles Brown
Category 12: Miscellaneous
"Oh, show him your lucky rocks."-some nutcase
"How much do them pieces of cars cost"- some guy at the Chevron
"Why are girls such sluts"- Julie Denn
"Cooking pears..."-me and terry lee
"And that's the truth..."-lil miss jimmie vera
"You drink beer, right?"-mary gazzaway
"I hate how Gaga says 'I'm hungry for you, ' it makes me nausea." jimmie vera
"Oh you're Ashley, you're the one that fucked all those guys"-some dumbass ugly shidiot named David
"Its ok if you fall in love with him, he's my nephew"-mooney's uncle
"Keep that in mind."-mooney
"You'll never get this time back."-Jan
"This machine won't frappe for shit today!"-"Rachel" at Starbucks
Category 13: Words people make up/translations
Coindidentally meaning by chance occurance (coincidentally)
dildoy meaning an adult toy [I assume (dildo)]
rigor mortis----used incorrectly in place of rigamorole
full to the guillotine--used incorrectly in place of full to the gills
vundable-able to be easily manipulated (I'm guessing)
dangling particicals.........some messed up part of speech maybe
fedral--some sort of nationwide division
"You're gonna have to be more Pacific"----specific, I think
I've made it easier, so just send me your additions and I'll update it once a week!