It’s interesting how life can change in the time it takes to blink your eye. Here today I have a lot to be thankful for and we’ll get to that in a bit.
Picking up from where I left off, 1996 was a great year of learning. Learning how strong and yet how fragile each human is, and that some times great gifts DO come in plainly wrapped paper.
I spent 1997 and 1998 learning a many great truths. Sustenance I found in books and music was wine to my soul. My town was becoming more, and more populated and the growing pains where all too clear. I had become very literally fed up with things and it was time to move. You can have Park Avenue I wanted the country view. I set out looking in the paper, and then a realtor. Nothing suited me and all where way out in price. I just couldn’t see how prices had jumped so high in five years. To say the least it was ridiculous!!!!!
I started dreaming of a place with a nice wood patio with steps leading to a large yard. I dreamt it for a week. I could not find this place and was ready to give up. Over five years shopping at the same place you get to know who’s taking care of you behind the counter. In my local store in the deli area the manager now a friend of mine told me about her deceased uncle’s place that her cousin was to put on the market.
Well needless to say it was not my dream home but it was the home in my dreams.
We moved into our home in August of 1999. It’s an hour trip both to and from work. I’m in the country I can see the stars at night now. I think it was a good trade.
I had an older model car, and the 98 mile round trip each day was starting to get scary. I wondered when I would be the person broken down on the side of the road. I tried to figure how I could make the life of my car last and there was just no way around it. The trip each day took a bit more out of her. I looked at my finances and with the new place and the extra miles I drove the gas alone was looking like a car note each month. I started praying to God and his Angels for help, an answer to my problems. I spend every morning asking for help with my situation. This one morning I prayed in desperation. I went to work and found myself still praying. My work day was over at 3pm and my trip home started. On a road usually heavy with traffic there was not another car around. At 3:28 pm I stuck a deer. My eyes never left the road not for a minute but in a blink of an eye there stood the deer. I never saw where it came from and I never saw where it went. I pulled over to evaluate the damage from the impact. The left side of my car was dinted, dinged and covered with blood and fur. The sound of the crunching metal brought back to the surface all the memories from the car wreck in 1996. I looked back to the road where the deer should have been there was nothing. Shaking and tears flowing I returned to my car and hoped it would start. I started the car and slowly made my way home with a few clinks and clangs that where not there before.
The next day I had a new"er" car. I think back now on the ordeal and I know God has a sense of humor. His comment back to me would have been, “Well you did ask, but you where not specific about how, when you asked.”
I know that when life seems to settle down some shaking up is in order to jog our memories and make us look at all we have to be thankful for.
A man with only a pebble in his hand may call it a treasure. Not because it’s a valuable mineral but because it holds a value to that man. Either in memories or in sentiment.
Year 2000:
I have this new place I call home and with it a lawn to mow, stickers & weed to pull. Flowers to plant and tend to.
The hour long drive gives me plenty of time to reflect on my life and all that’s in my life. How it was and how it is now. It’s a hard thing to do to take a good hard look at everything and everyone in you life. I was evaluating my 10-year marriage. Over the years I had grown and changed both spiritually and emotionally but when I looked at my spouse I saw the same person I married. I asked myself, ”If I wasn’t the same person I used to be, how could I continue?” I looked at my past and realized I had always had an alcoholic in my life. It used to be parental, now it was a spouse. Then the next question comes to mind as you smack yourself because you could have had a V-8 instead; “Why couldn’t I see it before?” Then no sooner the question was thought it was answered, “Because I wasn’t ready to see.” I filed for divorce and ended a marriage just shy of 11 years. My ex-husband and I are better friends now. I saved our friendship by ending our marriage. Both funny and at the same, sad.
Again in a blink of an eye changes occur.
On Saturday, October 21, 2000 myself and my 3 daughters Brandy 16, Chardonnay 9, and Alexa 7 (my ABC’s in life) we where on our way to a local Pow Wow another driver failed to stop at a stop sign and hit my car. My car spun several times into oncoming traffic hitting the curb on the other side of the street and stopping a foot away from the telephone pole. Chardonnay and Brandy both seated on the side of impact. I could feel the adrenalin and fear with every beat of my heart. My past and my future both where haunting me at the same time. The sound of crunching metal, and my children who are my future. Super Mom Mode kicked in not moving from my seat I calmed crying, startled children making sure body limbs could move and checking for blood.
The most primal of human emotions welled up from my darkest inner dwellings and RAGE became me. Some kind women, a stranger ran to my car door to our aide and asked, “ What happened?” I turned my head ever so slowly with leering eyes and pea soup ready to spew and answered, “Duh! Some stupid son-on-a BLEEP hit us!”
The poor women eyes told me I was beyond wrong in my snarling and gnashing of teeth. I was humbled by my own bad behavior in the midst of the trauma. I apologized for my rudeness. I was not allowed to get out of my car but I could tell it would never again see the open road. The passenger door was crushed inward, the dash was bent like a pipe cleaner and the radio now lay on the floor. The sleek 1989 Black Pontiac Firebird without air bags had protected my future. My ABC’s a bit battered, shaken, bruised and sore would walk out of the emergency room today. Unlike so many families in the world.
Today I was truly blessed in more ways then one. Dr’s visits, lawyer visits and more DR visits would consume the next 4 months and here we are Monday, February 26, 2001. My last doctor’s visit for my sprained neck & back is set for tomorrow and with that I hope a settlement to purchase an Army Tank as my mode of transportation *SMILE* Seem’s that would be the best with my past and all.
Like a deck of cards in a game you don’t know what combination you’ll get but the possibilities are endless about what you can do with what you got. Till next time folks, drive safe and make sure when you leave home, say, “I Love You” one more time before the door closes behind you.
God Bless,
Love & Laughter
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