I am a daughter of two sets of parents. Because my adoption was never a family secret-I have always known about my birthparents existence. For a long time that was all I knew-then as an adult and with my aparents blessing I am pursuing my search for my bparents.

*Small note for people not lucky enough to be adopted-please note the adoptee lingo, aparents-adoptive parents and bparents-birth parents, this is done for simplicity’s sake-not as any show of emotion. Also, I understand that for some the discussion that arises is incomprehensible, the feelings are completely foreign-all I ask is that you keep an open mind and try to take a step in my shoes.*

In recent years adoption search has become a ‘hot’ issue, its on the talk shows and in our legislative bodies. If nothing else, the stigma of being adopted has been reduced….more and more people are coming ‘out of the closet’ to say-“I was adopted and I want to know…” The questions that arise are both unique and similar-I will only try to answer for myself. First of all, I am not searching because of some parental deficit, my life has been full up in that department, in fact I had enough parents when I married and got two more!

I started my quest out of a simple desire to say thank you…as a child I understood that my bparents had given my aparents something that they considered precious.

Along the way curiosity was blended in-just a simple desire to see someone that looked like me. Because all the children in my afamily are adopted, no one matches-this may seem small, but it can lead to a lifetime of searching strangers faces in the grocery store. Then I had my children-another thread was added to the twine. Now someone looked like me, but I am accountable to them, they think, speak, and ask questions. This is their heritage, their birthright-so we add the thread of determined motherhood to the twine-I refuse to follow the rules laid down by society and lie to them about their heritage. Now, as my children, husband and I age, with much thought and reflection-I have to acknowledge a part of me that aches to know. At times this manifests itself in love for my kids, rage at the system that did this, and frustration with the time that I feel obligated to spend undoing this mess. At my most introspective, I would say it feels like a basic human instinct-like the need to eat, I’ve always had the need for this information and/or contact.

The laws in our country need to be changed, the antique laws that protected children from the possibility of being bastards has been distorted and twisted, to a point that the bparents are being protected from the ‘threat’ of their children. I myself am not a threat to them, or anyone-merely curious. If I finish this search and find one live person-I hope they will be kind enough to give me just a few minutes of their time. I have read a lot recently about adoptees disrupting bparents lives, and I have no intention of bursting in on anyone’s day to day life. Part of me worries about what I will find, Pandora’s box and all. I have to put out my hand, without having a clue what may await me. But I do need some answers-I have no medical history for my family, I don’t even know how long we have been in the United States, I have no answers for the DAR. So until I get these answers-my family tree starts with me.

I believe our government can change things so that adoptee’s of the future will have an easier road. All records should be made available to the adoptee upon adulthood. Parents that cannot raise their children should at least be accountable to them as adults. The secrecy surrounding adoption protects no one, and hurts everyone involved, including aparents who are forced hide someone else’s secrets, just to be parents. Removing the secrecy will also remove the stigmas, both of being a bparents and that of being an adoptee. If the government will step forward and give adoptees their birthright, other people will be less likely to discriminate against us.

Another ‘hot’ issue lately is ‘inter-racial’ adoption…this one gets me going. Most adoptees whether by birth or adoption are a mixed bag of tricks. Regardless of our skin color, for years adoption has been across religious and ethnic lines. Although most would, based on first impressions, label me as being of the ‘white race’, I always designate myself as ‘other-adoptee’. Between my afamily and bfamily, I am a combo package that can only be described as American! I was born Catholic, raised Protestant and am a declared Bahai-I was born French/Irish and raised in a Scottish family. I think that only the scholars of European and Religious history can appreciate the mix. It is possible to wrap all that in one package! For the children yet to be adopted I ask, let them know who they are and allow them to explore that in their time. When it is time for them to be born and adopted, please document everything, Every Little Thing…we have no way of knowing if their bparents will be around when they mature, so document it-take some pictures, have them write a letter, anything and everything, including as much of a family tree as is known. Please take some baby pictures of children waiting for adoption, and include them in the adoptees adult file-when they are adults give them their collected information, to do with as they see fit. Adoptees deserve at least that much.

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