Submitted by Lo
it has been mentioned that there was frequent bickering amongst the
members when they were forced to actually practice. (let's face it, we
were all a little irritated) so how did we channel our aggressions? in
a word, stateball. we developed what is most likely to overtake soccer
as the world's most popular sport in the next millenium on the Michael
Cahee Memorial Basketball Court of our beloved moore elementary. first,
i'll give you a rundown of the way that stateball is played.
Rules and Regulations
beginning at about fifteen feet away from the north goal, a map of the
united states is painted on the court. now, the game is played
basically like basketball, except that when you hit a shot while
standing on a certain state, and you shout the name of the state during
the shooting process (and it's the right state), then your team gets
five points. for example, let's say a sandal-clad mart is standing on
montana and he shoots and yells "montana", and it goes in, boom, 5
points. be careful not to name an incorrect state, because then your
team loses five points, allowing the possibility of a final score of,
say, 22 to -8. games are played to twenty, and it is encouraged to
shout, GET TO BED!!!!! if someone comes up with a dunk. (note: if
someone hits hawaii, the team is awarded ten points. most of us aren't
good enough to do this, however the ten year-old brothers that played
with us one time consistently were able to drain hawaii.)
there is a long history of competetive battles fought on the stateball
court. everyone has formed their own niche as a player. here are the
scouting reports on the stateball allstar team:
mart: cannot be stopped off the dribble when he gets that look in his
eyes...has been known to wear sandals while playing, and some experts
believe that it has improved his game...usually bounces the ball
unusually high when dribbling.
jared: owns alaska as well as the new england area...lightning quick
defender, all-time stateball steals leader...dribbles behind the back
like nobody's business...often speculates the possibility of stateball
europe.
david: always surprises the opposition by catching fire and becoming
unconcious in the midwest...once scored eighteen of his team's
twenty-one points in a game...knows his geography well: has never called
the wrong state...often points out the weather conditions of the state
that he just hit.
jesse: runs the point to near perfection, always able to find the open
man and often slithering his way to the hole...nicknamed "firestarter"
partly due to stateball prowess...has mad hops.
jeff: brings the intimidation factor into play with his rough play in
the paint...tenacious rebounding makes up for god-awful shooting and
ridiculously bad ball control...plays the game with the passion and
reckless-abandon that coaches love.
jason: will dream shake you to death if you're not careful...when he
gets hot, he's tough to stop anywhere on the court...established his
stardom on his ability to read defenses...once had a girl picked instead
of him when playing basketball at the rec.
andy: above-the-rim play and slam-dunking ferocity have earned him the
nickname, baby shaq...deadly shooter, yet very inconsistent in the
states...once blocked the shot of a kid seven years younger and eight
inches shorter than he, only to yell, "get out bitch!".
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