Copyright Rinatta Paries, 1998-01. Permission is granted to
reprint the following article in your electronic or print
publication(s) as long as no changes are made and the byline,
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Six Sure-Fire Steps to Become a Love Magnet(c)
Want to become a love magnet? Want to attract true love or
improve your relationship?
Good, because you deserve to be loved! And, lucky you, I will
show you how to attract that love by working on the person you
see when you look in the mirror.
That's right. Although you're seeking love from another person,
you will be more likely to get the love and attention you
deserve by first growing within.
Here are the six steps you need to take to help you grow in
just the right way. The steps will groom you to attract and
engender love. 1. Figure out your relationship pattern
If you are not attracting the right partners or not getting
enough love in your relationship, it's probably not the first
time in your life. If that's the case, then it's likely you have
relationship patterns that are preventing you from attracting
the right partner or preventing you from behaving in a way that
causes love. Get to know your relationship pattern and your love
life will improve (see last week's newsletter at
www.WhatItTakes.com/Archive).
2. Let go of your past
Most people collect unpleasantness without realizing it. Every
time something unpleasant happens to you, it goes into a huge
sack of other unpleasantness weighing heavily on your back. You
can't move forward in life, and especially in relationships,
with this baggage. You can't move forward emotionally any better
than if you had a real sack weighing 100 pounds on your back.
Even if you don't feel the weight most of the time -- you will
feel it in relationships. It feels like excessive anger,
excessive need to control others, reactiveness, fear and
anxiety. Want to drop this weight? Learn to let go of the
unpleasantness in your life and in your past, and I mean really
let go.
3. Delve into your needs
Everyone has needs -- that's a part of human nature. In fact,
our needs facilitate relationships. The giver and the receiver
both feel better and more connected when each other's needs are
voiced and met. Yet most of us are uncomfortable asking others
to meet our needs. At the same time, we all enter relationships
to get our needs met. See the paradox? Figure out your needs,
figure out which ones need to be met by your partner and which
ones need to be met by other people. Get them met!
4. Draw your boundaries
Boundaries are there to protect you, and to help you honor your
needs and wants, not your "shoulds." You have boundaries when
you can choose to say yes or no to something, someone or a
situation. You have boundaries when you can stop a situation
that is hurting you. You have boundaries when you know your
needs and ask others to respect them. Having boundaries makes
you discerning, gives you self-respect, and inspires other
people to both respect you and treat you well.
5. Know what you want
Know what you want in a partner and in a relationship. Be
careful that what you want is not a fantasy, unrealistic
standards of perfection, or a set of low expectations. Look at
the relationships you value most and model your love
relationship after those. Keep out people who are not a match,
invite in those who are. Stop doing behaviors that sabotage
what you want in your relationship and instead take action to
create what you want.
6. Get connected
Build a community. Get people into your life to meet your
needs, to support you, to nourish you. Many people want to
simply find "the one" or hope they have found "the one", and
then proceed to isolate themselves. What a stress on a
relationship! Can you put all of your needs, wants, desires,
interests on one person? Do you think all of your needs will
somehow be met by one Prince or Princess Charming? We are all
social animals in need of community. We have way too many needs
for one person to meet them all. Get connected, and stay
connected.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com
This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries
in "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," a weekly e-zine for
people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the
newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If
you're in a relationship, you will learn to create more
closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to
www.WhatItTakes.com
