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  "Roses are red,
   violets are blue.
   You'd have to be dead,
   for me to fuck you.

   (bitch)"  - Dayv

"At school I just draw naked pictures of my current teacher. When the teacher is female it doesn't really do the trick but when he is male it works just fine." - Jason Hooper

"Bitch, I killfiled you months ago!" - Dayv!

"Oh my god, you're right. I'm changing my ways right now. Somebody get me a tie-dyed t-shirt and some pot." - Dayv! "I love you, bitch."

"Gosh, I hope the nice officer didn't think I was serious about being LONG PENIS GIRL KILLER!!! I know policemen often don't "get" sarcasm from painful personal experience..." - Dayv!

"Luuk here-a yuoo stoopeed Svedeesh besterd. I'm tured ooff yuoor Scundeenefiun veys und yuoor cunstunt pusteeng ooff useless gerbege-a ell oofer usenet. Iff yuoo cun't et leest sey it in Ingleesh, vhy buzeer seyeeng it et ell, beetch? Bork Bork Bork!" - Dayv!

"I got a tattoo of a female leg going down my torso and a female leg going down my arm. When I put my arm in the air, it looks like a lady spread eagle with my arm pit acting as a hairy bush.

No really, I got some "tribal" designs on the back of my calf. Kind of hard to describe, but it doesn't look like that generic barb-wire shit. It's big and black and I like it a lot."
- Jason Prime

"My mirror is all scratched up from the razor blade. Oh wait, I didn't just type that did I?" - Dayv!

"Yeah, I remember when my prince albert got torn out in a bar fight. That was the best night of my life. Now my dick has a wide head like a flatworm. Your mom says it feels great." - Dayv!

"You think that's sig file worthy? Please." - Dayv!

In alt.bitch, How WonderfulŽ [sgtphouATvisitusDOTnet] gave us this:

"This is a truy story.

Today, i took a huge heaping shit. It was the most incredible, uniqe shit i have ever seen!

This is because i ate some kick ass chili earlier.

When i shit, it ALL came plowing out in one one second ploff.

It was funny, it made this absoloutly horribly {plopppffff} sound in the bowl. See, i pumped it out so fast, it didn't even go in the water. It hit the dry part of the inside of the bowl.

I wish my dig camera worked, i woulda posted a pic.

anyway, it was one nasty reddish brown clump, not nearly a log shape. It obviously had a bit of blood in it."